while my generally healthy immune system kept it in check. Only
1% of pneumonia cases are fatal and only 10% of cases need to
be hospitalized so I assume people can have mild cases without
realizing it.
Another prominent symptom is shortness of breath and I did
seem to be
breathing harder,
however it wasn’t
debilitating in any
way and I figured
at 76 shortness of
breath is normal.
Fever, chills,
chest pains are
also common
symptoms, but I
experienced none
of that. I went
very calmly,
peacefully and
painlessly into a
coma. I didn’t
know any thing
about pneumonia
or its symptoms
beforehand, I
didn’t even know
what it was.
W h a t I ’ v e
gleaned about
pneumonia from
reading over the
Wikipedia entry
several times is
basically that it’s an inflammation of the lungs and that it affects
the small air sacs called alveoli. Pneumonia results in
scaring of the alveoli thus making it difficult to take in
much air, which accounts for the long time it takes for
many people to recover. There can also be a build up of
fluid in the lungs with the same results.
Most cases are caused by bacteria, but can also be virus,
parasite, or fungi based. Surprisingly, in half of cases the
causative agent cannot be identified; it’s pneumonia but
they can’t tell you where it came from. That’s backed up
by the experience of a friend who came down with it after
returning to California from Cambodia. He was in the
hospital for 10 days but they couldn’t identify the actual
cause. A similar thing happened to a friend here in Kam-
pot. She spent four nights in the hospital but she didn’t
have pneumonia… well, pneumonia is also really a
broader term that encompasses all types of lung infec-
tions.
Another surprise is that a large percentage of infections
occur in hospital or other health care facilities, and the
infections that are contracted there are more resistant to
antibiotics. In total, there are about 450 million cases a
year, 7% of world population, with 4 million fatalities.
That’s only about 1%, but of those cases where hospitali-
zation is required mortality bumps up to 30%. It’s basi-
P
neumonia, your friend? How could that be? Well,
most life threatening illnesses take you down slowly
and painfully, you waste away a day at a time gradu-
ally giving up your life force. The reason pneumonia
can be benign comes with the modifier ‘old’ and the likelihood
that geezers would have other illnesses giving them pain and
hardship. When pneumonia comes along, if your system is al-
ready compromised with other ailments, it takes you out without
pain or any consciousness of what’s happening.
At least that was my experience. I went out to have a few beers,
as was my habit, on Saturday, December 30, but after the first
bar I decided I should go home rather than bar hop. That’s the
last I remember. I must’ve gotten up on Sunday and gone
through my daily routine, at least some of it, because neighbors
reported me wandering somewhat aimlessly around the
neighborhood. I can visualize that, but only because I was told it
happened. That was a strong clue that something was wrong
since I always ride my bicycle around the hood, even if it’s only
30 meters. After that, the next thing I remember was my friend
trying to startle me awake in the hospital on the following Tues-
day.
I had no inkling that something might take me over and no
warning whatever. Now my friend, who accompanied me to the
hospital and who spent 35 years as a nurse in Australia, insists I
had lots of warning since for a week before the event I had been
coughing hard and producing great gobs of phlegm. But that had
been happening a couple times a year for 5, even 10 years, I
can’t say for sure how long, only that it was long enough for me
to think it normal. It happened in a pattern though that did make
me wonder. I’d catch a cold and drop some Chinese medicine to
take the hard edge off the stuffed nose and such. I’d also stop
smoking weed for the duration. Even a relatively long time after
the cold was vanquished, I’d still be coughing. Maybe it’s some
type of bronchitis I’d think.
Maybe pneumonia was sitting there dormant most of the time,
ing cough and lots of phlegm I should go right for the antibiotics.
He says they might prevent another bout and it can’t hurt taking
them. That I can agree with.
I take antibiotics only when the need is clear and obvious, like
against the clap, for instance, otherwise every time you take them
you’re wiping out your good bacteria as well as the evil ones and
weakening your immune system; that is, not giving it time to do
its job or try to do its job, and taking a chance that you’ll build up
resistant bacteria and the antibiotics won’t work when you really
need them.
With few exceptions, I shun all pharmaceuticals. I don’t take
uppers or downers, painkillers or mood enhancers. More than
90% are petrochemically
based and all come with nasty
side effects. Of course, I was-
n’t going to tell the docs when
I hit Calmette that I don’t like
drugs; I couldn’t say anything
because I was totally out of it.
When I did regain some level
of consciousness, I just took
whatever was given to me,
only going off the drugs at
home when I ran out. However, if it had been a slow moving
sickness, I might well have done the research and decided for
myself what to take. Ultimately, I credit my general health and
strong immune system a least partly to that dislike of drugs.
Except for a hernia operation back in 1960 when I was 19 and a
hairline fracture in my foot about 20 years ago, I’ve only been to
a doctor a handful of times in my adult life. Hepatitis, Dengue, I
just toughed it out. As stated by a couple different doctors, my
state of health is what saved me. As an old fogey having any
other serious health problem I would’ve been a goner.
I credit Calmette, Cambodia’s number one public hospital, for
keeping me alive, but according to my friend, the level of care
there is about the same as it was in Australia 40 or 50 years ago.
The way he described his experience there hanging out with me,
it’s almost like I survived in spite of the care at Calmette rather
than because of it. Regardless, that’s where I was brought back
from the depths. While the head doctor at Kampot’s public hospi-
tal was quick to send me off to Calmette, he thinks I could’ve
been taken care of just as well locally. The one advantage Cal-
mette has over the local facility is an MRI. The original diagno-
ses that I’d had a stroke was disproved by the MRI I had at Cal-
mette.
There’s also a local training hospital run by Australians that
could’ve taken care of my needs but money up front would’ve
been a problem there. Calmette will take you as long as you bring
your passport, which they don’t give back until you pay. Sounds
fair to me. Of course, I was fortunate to have a friend show up
my second day in the hospital to cover my bills. He made every-
thing much easier.
By some miracle, I was able to raise the money to pay him off.
The total bill came to $3500; that was for 10 nights in the hospi-
tal, doctors, medicines and tests. Amazing. The money came
through online fundraising, personal gifts and a fundraiser/
survival party I did here in Kampot in mid March. My benefactor
friend suggested he’d be more inclined to help in another emer-
gency if I was able to cover his costs this time. While I don’t plan
to get sick again (well, of course) it’s good to know he’d be there
for me. At 76 there’s no such thing as buying affordable insur-
ance. I admit I have been a wastrel at times: when I had money I
pissed it away. It was a great time, but now I’ve had to bring out
the beggar’s bowl. Such is life. Cambostan
cally the young, the old, those with chronic illnesses and those
people whose immune systems are already compromised who
die from it.
Conditions and risk factors that predispose to pneumonia in-
clude smoking, immunodeficiency, alcoholism, chronic obstruc-
tive pulmonary disease, asthma, chronic kidney disease, liver
disease, and old age.
Smoking is the most prominent risk factor, but Wikipedia does-
n’t differentiate between tobacco and cannabis. While any kind
of smoke will cause irritation, there’s a vast difference between
tobacco which is a leading cause of cancer and cannabis which
has never caused any disease. No one has ever died from smok-
ing weed, at least not in medical
terms. The others are quite obvi-
ous. The one thing you can’t cor-
rect for or do anything about is old
age, though staying healthy clearly
makes a difference.
My approach of the edge came
because my condition wasn’t rec-
ognized early enough. Anybody
who knows me who saw me on
that Sunday when I was wandering
around aimlessly would’ve known right off that something was
wrong. I must’ve been confused and incoherent and needing
attention. Confusion is a common symptom found in oldsters.
Even if I didn’t look like I had any medical problem anyone
would’ve realized I needed an eye kept on me.
Not saying I wouldn’t have needed hospitalization or required
more than three months to recover as is typical for old geezers,
but it certainly would’ve saved me from the problems with my
legs and feet caused by dehydration; I was without any food or
water for 2 days. When I first woke up in the hospital I was so
weak and my legs so stiff I couldn’t lift them a centimeter off
the bed. Now I get around okay, but I walk funny, hobbling just
a bit because my feet are still not working right. I can flex my
ankles and toes, though not fully, but my feet feel numb. It’s
been three and a half months and I see steady improvement, but
it feels like at least another month or two before my feet are
back to normal… if they are ever going to be totally back to
normal. A health care professional I talked to recently said it
took him a full year to recover… sure sounds like a long time.
The scary thing is having no warning, so even if I now know the
symptoms, would I recognize what’s happening if it hits again?
Actually, I think I might have an inkling should it return. That
last Saturday night before I went under, after I’d had a couple
beers I was thinking of a couple more, my usual amount, but I
felt a bit strange inside and thought I’d better head for home
instead. I think I might remember that feeling and recognize it
next time as impending doom. I sure hope so.
Now I breathe hard at times just like before, and I often also
tend to breathe through my mouth. Is that because I’m not get-
ting enough air through my nose? I also cough up a bit of
phlegm a few times a week. It’s nothing like before, but is a bit
of the infection still there, just enough to eventually take me
over again? Is it gathering strength waiting to pounce at its op-
portune time, with me still unawares? Should I be getting blood
tests every couple of weeks just to make sure? Not likely,
though I probably should on occasion.
Should I be taking antibiotics as a preventative measure? My
nurse friend says I should be popping those antibios at the first
sign of a cough. I misinterpreted what he was saying for a while
thinking he was suggesting I take them proactively, but what he
really meant was if I get another chest infection with the hack-
Rusty Brown outside a Starbucks on Highland Avenue, then con-
tinued to shoot for another 15 minutes, more than 10 minutes after
backup officers arrived on the scene.
"I could have swore it was a banana," Brown said of the yellow
pistol. "I remember thinking to myself, why is this man pointing his
banana at me?"
Other officers also said they believed Dyson's weapon to be a piece
of fruit, even as they saw him using it to gun people down.
"It was surreal. We were desperately trying to identify the shooter,
and here was this guy walking around with an exploding banana,"
Centerville PD Sgt. Colt Redmond remarked.
Dyson's spree reportedly ended when he ran out of ammunition and
went home.
Meanwhile, Aaron Hendriks, a black man who was intentionally
run over by responding police who mistook his Labrador retriever
for a missile launcher, has died.
World's Religious Followers Becoming Increasingly Fed Up
With God’s Bullshit
Tired of the seemingly unrelenting bar-
rage of warfare, starvation and natural
disaster, Muslims, Christians and Jews
from Kandahar to Kentucky are losing
patience with God’s constant bullshit
leading many to re-evaluate their rela-
tionships with their so-called ‘saviors’.
In the United States’ Southeast, where
six major hurricanes and their deadly
tornado offspring have killed thousands
and left many thousands more homeless
and destitute in the past year, a large
fraction of its predominately Christian
population have begun turning against
their God in unprecedented numbers.
“Before, when some horrible calamity
would befall me and my family I would
always overlook God’s hand in creating
the situation,” remarked 56 year-old
Mississippi man who has lost three houses, two wives and one
child to hurricanes in his life, “I’d even praise him later for sparing
me some worse misfortune, as if he wasn’t somehow responsible
for the 120 mph wind that blew a street sign through the face of the
woman I loved, but was to thank for looking out for me so that I
might survive to experience the misery of my loss. Well, no more.
My days being the Lord’s punching bag are over. God can kiss my
ass.”
Thousands of miles away on the African continent, millions of peo-
ple maligned by the suffering of civil war, famine, genocide and
the murderous plague of AIDS in countries like Sudan and Uganda
are echoing the disdain of God emanating anew from America’s
Gulf Coast.
Seethed a Ugandan teenage girl: “God sent murderous hordes to
burn my house to the ground, butcher my family and kidnap me as
a sex slave for many years. He is a swine beast that consumes his
own excrement. I wish he would show his pig face in my refugee
camp so that I could throw rocks at his genitals.”
Likewise, God’s popularity is in steep decline amongst the inhabi-
tants of the coastal regions of countries devastated by this year’s
killer tsunami.
“I used to pray to God. Pray and pray and pray. I would say God is
great, God is number one! But God is not great. God is not number
one. God isn’t even number one hundred. He is the kind of guy
who takes all your love and your heart and stomps all over it with a
fifty-foot tidal wave then laughs in your face as you weep for those
Government to Erect Statue of Burglar
A brave burglar, who heroically died while merely trying to pro-
vide the latest electronic equipment for his family, is to have a
statue erected in his honour. His relatives were pushing for saint-
hood and a burial in Westminster Abbey but are still pleased with
the government recognition.
‘He was pretty much the best man that ever lived’ said one relative.
‘Certainly he was one of the better burglars I ever knew well,
until last week I guess.’ A Peace Garden is also to be created in the
street where he tragically died so that the local police force can
come and pay a daily tribute.
The local Police Chief said that ‘Many people in the community
misunderstand our role. But let me perfectly clear. When beautiful
tributes are made to a hard-working and prolific burglar, it’s our
job to make sure no-one disrupts that. Usually we wouldn’t get
involved in a burglary case if our lives depended it on it its case
closed, thanks for coming, here’s you crime reference number for
the insurance and change yer locks. But
in this case we felt deliberately ob-
structing the burglar was a step too far
in today’s Britain.’
Meanwhile the florists in the area have
also paid tribute to the man, who they
say is responsible for the greatest up-
swing in business since Princess Diana.
‘She was the “people’s princess” and
this guy was the “people’s burglar.”
Well, at least he was a burglar of many
peoples. We’d like to thank him any-
way, and the flower-stomping vigilantes
as well who’ve made this all possible.
WW3 Pencilled in for this weekend
Brits have been advised not to plan too
many activities this weekend as World
War Three is tentatively scheduled to
break out at some stage. The Met Office
issued a warning that WW3 is likely to
bring considerably more disruption to travel than last month’s
‘Beast from the East.’
Even though it sounds bad, it’s hoped that WW3 won’t actually be
as bad as WW2. ‘For a start, there’s no Adolf Hitler or any Nazis
involved so that’s a bonus,’ said one analyst seeking the positives.
‘And London probably won’t be bombed for weeks on end by
thousands of planes either. In fact it will probably only be bombed
just the once albeit by a powerful Russian thermonuclear warhead
but still…no blitz!’
Disappointed Liverpudlian Pete Henderson said he it was ‘bloody
typical’ and hoped it would all be over by the time of the Reds
Champions League semi-final. ‘I hope it won’t distract the lads too
much. I think Jurgen needs to make sure they put World War Three
out of their minds and just concentrate on the next game.’
Meanwhile betting agency William Hill is facing a massive pay-out
on thousands of bets placed for ‘Donald Trump to cause WW3.’ A
spoke-person said ‘we took in a lot of money on that one and
thought we might get away with it for a while there. But no looks
like the Great Orange One has come through for the punters.’
9 Dead After Police Mistake White Shooter's Yellow Gun for
Banana
9 were killed and 17 more wounded on the streets of Centerville,
Illinois this morning after police mistook a white man's yellow
handgun for a banana.
The man, now identified as Jonathon Dyson of nearby Greenwood,
started his rampage at 8:25 a.m. when he wounded Police Officer
he slaughtered. Oh, how he laughed as I cried," lamented a former
Indonesian Muslim.
Meanwhile, the worldwide backlash against God has drawn the
contempt of the devoutly loyal who feel their apostasy will only
provoke more wrath.
Appealed Janice Ferguson, a preacher’s wife from Savannah,
Georgia, “God’s obviously mad over something we’ve done, or
something the gays have done and we’ve tolerated, and these peo-
ple are only going to make things worse. If anything, all this tur-
moil is a sign that we must pray more in order to pacify Him.”
Ferguson added: “Their hardship is no justification for infidelity
after all, God put it in the mind of a writer for the Young and the
Restless to have the undead wife of Dr. Josh Landers shoot him to
death in 1998, but you don’t hear me complaining about it.”
Corbyn's Anti-Semitism Row Explodes
Jeremy Corbyn was today criticised for not praising the Israeli
Government for killing unarmed demonstrators at the Gaza/Israel
border.
'This is a clear case of blatant anti-semitism' declared 20 Labour
MP's who demanded that Corbyn should resign. The Board of Jew-
ish Deputies castigated Corbyn for failing to praise the Israeli Gov-
ernment in its 'humane defence of civilisation'.
The BBC and most media outlets were at one in condemning Cor-
byn for not throwing out any Labour member who had failed to
praise the Israeli Government.
Rumours are spreading that in the wake of the outrage felt at Cor-
byn's lack of leadership on this issue there is likely to be a revolt of
Labour MP's who have been shocked at Corbyn's abject failure to
praise Israel's justified defence of its territory.
Amazingly I am actually on time this month; despite not even
being in Phnom Penh. The Evil Publisher only sent me one
very polite reminder that I was expected to produce a pub page
and even decided not to include any form of casual threat or
negative re-enforcement. All in all, an excellent start to draft-
ing this month’s attempt to recollect what I have been up to.
First off is a Golden Sorya
Mall update. As of the time
of writing it is soooo close. I
was watching them working
late into the evening on the
run up to Khmer New Years
in an obvious attempt to get
things ready for a KNY open-
ing. They got a lot done but
clearly not quite enough. One
of the staff of my favourite ex
-tenant, Home Foods, told me
that they were going to be
moving in at KNY. How-
ever, I have checked in a few
times and was told that, while
a couple of places are being
set up, the new digs are not
operational yet. I have heard
mixed reports on what is hap-
pening to some of the other
ex-courtyard tenants and am
eager to try out the new and
improved two storey Home
Foods when I get back to
Phnom Penh. I have to say
that, except for the dumb
looking elephant and fake tree
blocking my beloved court-
yard seating the renovation
looks much better than I had
expected and will hopefully serve to revitalize the place a bit.
A tip for the cheap draft lovers while I know that GSM has
traditionally been a good spot, I think riverside is doing a good
job with a number of places offering USD .5 -1 drafts and USD
2-4 jugs during happy hours.
Best of the bunch this month was Five Drunk Men on Siso-
wath. This is the old California 2 space that those of us who
have been around too long occasionally get nostalgic for. The
ground floor bar that was the site of so so so much inebriation
in days past is now a coffee shop and the Five Drunk Men are
on the covered roof reachable by elevator. Place looks great.
Relaxing and open with a great view. I was told it opens 5 pm
until goes until about 1 am. There are some tasty food options.
When I asked about specials, I was informed that the time lim-
ited special on the menu has been extended until further notice
USD 9.90 gives you free flowing draft when you order a
main course off the menu. Normally it is USD 2 for a Cambo-
dia mug and USD 3 for bottles of Angkor or Carlsberg. Most
spirits are USD 3-5 with a number of higher priced tequilas and
whiskeys available (only knock on the place is that is, unfortu-
nately, a mixers are extra establishment). A number of cocktails
are on the menu for USD 5. Overall, not the most cost-efficient
spot for downing a few, but service was good, vibe and view were
excellent, so I have to admit that it seemed worth paying a bit ex-
tra. Both my friend and I agreed we would return.
Been roaming 136 st a bit lately and have a few new favourites.
Route 136 bar has been im-
pressing. Overall still a bit of
an odd place but good AC,
good service and friendly staff
make for a winning combina-
tion.
69 bar has consistently stayed
near the top of my list on this
street. Music is still often a bit
too loud for my taste, but there
are reasons that this is often
one of the busiest bars I walk
into.
Helicopter bar has come back
on my radar… just something
about the place. Good service.
No hassles. Don’t go for the
décor but do go if you want a
relaxing fun time.
Dropped by Smiling bar on 118
st. with a friend (yes, I have
some). Wow this was a bar
with no pretensions of being
upscale. Way on the low
budget and proud of it. Actu-
ally, had a reasonably priced
drink, good service and was
way happier than in a lot of
bars with much higher invest-
ments in décor and staffing so I
think they are doing something
right.
Also ended up at @the office a few times recently. The place has
a big following and I have recommended it to a few people, but it
really depends on what kind of evening you are looking for. Mu-
sic is good. Shows seem to entertain. Drinks are reasonable. A
lot of people I know are fans of the staff. From my perspective, I
understand the appeal, but I don’t expect to be more than an occa-
sional patron.
Having been trying to drop by Angels Bar on 5 st for a couple of
months now. I really want to give it a shot. New bar. Walk by it
frequently. Staff looks amicable. But I just can’t get over the all
glass frontage. I am really not sure that I want to be the goldfish
on display in a hostess bar. I assume the owner had a good reason
for this and perhaps it is geared towards dedicated hostess bar
aficionados with more exhibitionist tendencies, but I have not
quite made it. Maybe next month.
bike.
Concerned due to them being
ten times the size of the original
you flip one over to have a
look. Yes its white but shame
about the flowers on it!”But
they are pretty” he blurts out.
Plumber comes downstairs and
calls him everything under the
sun and shoots off to the local
tile shop,
Five minutes later he is back
with the identical tiles. Assis-
tant is so embarrassed at every-
one rolling around laughing at
him he won’t come back in the
house!
Intimidation or security
With the announce-
ment that one hun-
dred thousand secu-
rity personnel will
be on duty for the
upcoming election
the Pearnik con-
tacted our old friend
Dr One Hung Low
from China and ex-
pert on democracy
in China.
When asked about
the current situation
here he replied.
“I have observed
many erections here
and this will be the
biggest yet. Minor
parties are minions
of the main party so the erec-
tion will be smooth and firm
. Security is out in force to
assure the people who to vote
for.
Personally i don’t know why
you have minor parties as they
make a Democratic election
more difficult. Much simpler
to have one party Democracy
same as China.”
Holidays
Plowing ceremony Thursday
May 3rd
Kings birthday Sun-Tues 13-15
May
Remembrance Day Sun May
20th
Living brain donor
A plumber and his assistant
comes to fix a leak somewhere
in your bathroom wall. He
finds it and proceeds to replace
the pipe. Tearing two rows of
tiles out of the wall. At lunch-
time he delivers the news that
his offsider cannot “find same
tile at shop.”
Perplexed as the tiles are the
standard small white bathroom
tiles found everywhere you
agree that any white tile will
do.
The offsider shoots off to buy
some. An hour later he appears
at the gate with tiles on his
Letter to God
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks,
but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA ,
they decided to send it to the President.
The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to
send the little boy a $5.00 bill thinking this would appear to be a
lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to
write a thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. How-
ever, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Wash-
ington, DC., and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.
The Alligator
A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished
patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place
my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one
minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit un-
scathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will
buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed
his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute,
the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the gator hard on
the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals
unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were deliv-
ered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone
$100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the
back of the bar.
A Blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........
"I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
Stranded
Steve and Barbara are flying to Australia for a two week vaca-
tion to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the PA
system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am
afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased
functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily,
I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land
on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will
have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on
the island. An hour later Steve turns to his wife and asks,
"Barbara, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom
Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Steve, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Barbara,
did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing, Barbara. Did you remember to send a check for
the Synagogue Building Fund this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Steve," begged Barbara. "I didn't send that one,
either."
Steve grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Bar-
bara pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?"
Steve answers, "They'll find us."
minded me I’d bought a load of expensive flats. I was
like, ‘What? No way! Hey, that’s pretty cool!’
“I suppose I must have looked at the flats, online at least,
then authorised a massive bank payment and maybe
thought about the shitloads of money I was going to
make, but it completely slipped my mind.
“Now I think back my last bank statement was at least £2.45 mil-
lion less than I’d expected, but I assumed we’d just done lots of
big shops at Sainsbury’s.
“Jeremy Hunt has totally got my sympathy. Not keeping on top
of how many really expensive properties you’ve bought is so
easy to do.
“I’m still surprised I’d forget something like this, but then I’m
always doing daft stuff like looking for the Sky control and real-
ising it’s right next to me on the sofa.”
Comedy Hall of Fame Adds New Members Amy Schumer
and Donald Trump
Las Vegas, NV The Comedy Hall of Fame added new members
Amy Schumer and Donald Trump at their annual banquet.
"I guess we all agree that while we need inventive new comedi-
ans like Amy, what comedians REALLY need is good material,
or stange incidents to satirize, or funny mistakes to remind people
of.
And we all have to agree, only one person can provide all three
comedy elements, and that pretty much describes an average day
in the life of Donald Trump. President Trump has practically re-
invented and reinvorgated the whole comedy scene. EVERY
DAY it's something new. So if you missed your chance to joke or
jive about his mistake or faux paux on Monday, just wait until
Tuesday!" spoke the moderator, Stephen Colbert.
As it fell within his tweeting time, President Trump politely de-
clinced to attend
Vietnamese currency rockets - the dong is up
For years it has been an underdeveloped backwater of south-east
Asia, best known throughout much of the world for its devastat-
ing war against the US. Nevertheless, Vietnam is very much an
up and coming country, particularly in an economic sense. Never
has the Dong been so powerful.
At the start of this year, a US dollar could buy you around 23,000
Dongs, which is quite a handful until you realise that that is only
worth about one dollar. Few other currencies worldwide were
worth so little - maybe the Salvadoran Colon, but you can still fit
many Dongs into a Colon.
Since February though, the Dong has shot up, and it just keeps on
growing. The Dong/Pound ratio is high, and the Dong/Bhat index
is also swelling.
An Asian currency hasn't grown this fast since South Korea's
boom, when it had a really big Won. That didn't end happily
though, and if the Vietnamese isn't to overheat and blow up, then
they had better calm down their Dongs with careful fiscal policy.
Wetherspoon Chairman Denies Quitting Social Media and
Shuts Pubs Instead
Today, in a prompt volte-face, JD Wetherspoon’s weirdo chair-
man Tim Martin, the last living proponent of the mullet, hair
style of the gods, informed the stock exchange that, rather than
quitting social media as widely reported, his pub chain was to
close all of its licensed premises.
He then informed stunned stockbrokers that from 1st May 2018
Wetherspoon would become an internet based business, deliver-
ing its cheap beer only to its customers at their registered ad-
dresses. He justified this with several reasons in a press confer-
ence with the alcohol sodden business press, many of whom were
angry that they would no longer have a place where they could
pass the working day in a drunken stupor.
“Let’s face it, I am completely pissed off with the customers.
How can you run a business which relies on letting OAPs,
Drinkers urge scientists to make up their bloody minds
As new research shows that even one drink a day can reduce life
expectancy, drinkers have suggested that maybe scientists should
sit down and make their bloody minds up once and for all.
The research which looked at 600,000 drinkers found that an
amount of drinking previously thought of as ‘helpfulmost cer-
tainly isn’t.
Drinker Simon William told us, “I get it, I really do science is
complicated. But one minute you’re telling me a glass of red
wine with my dinner will help me live longer and have a healthy
heart, the next minute you’re telling me my nightly glass of Mer-
lot is actually speeding me towards an early grave.
“It’s my one pleasure in this miserable existence of mine, and I
can’t believe you’re trying to take it away from me.
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask you all to make your
bloody mind up and to stop flip-flopping like a bunch of bloody
politicians.
Health expert Nigel Farage told us, “Oh I stopped listening to
doctors a long time ago, they’ve definitely got it wrong on smok-
ing, so they’re certainly going to be wrong about this, too.
“I would imagine this time next week they’ll be saying a nice
couple of pints of bitter with your lunch is the way to increase
your chances of seeing in one-hundred.
“And if they don’t, well, what do they know, they’re only bloody
experts.”
Throwing money at the police isn’t a ‘deterrent’ to criminals,
insists woman itching to spend £30bn on Trident
The Prime Minister has today insisted that throwing money at the
police force to increase their numbers back to 2010 levels is in no
way a deterrent to people likely to commit crimes.
With a leaked government report showing that reduced police
funding almost certainly contributed to rises in crime, officials
have been quick to dismiss the link as ‘nonsense’.
A source told us, “We simply don’t have the money available for
the police, and anyway, this idea that ‘deterrents’ work in pre-
venting unwanted behaviour is utter nonsense unless we’re
trying to spend £31bn on nuclear weapons, obviously.
“With Trident, the idea of deterrent works incredibly well, and
throwing money at something to prevent that unwanted behav-
iour in others is precisely what we should do.
“The difference here, of course, is that more crime on the streets
doesn’t really affect me at all, but a nuclear bomb on Downing
Street almost certainly would.”
Home Secretary Amber Rudd also backed the government’s posi-
tion on police funding, telling reporters,”You have to remember
£31bn is an awful lot of money to spend on anything.
“It would allow us to go back to funding the police properly for
the next hundred years or so or we could spunk it on a na-
tional vanity project that will never see the light of day.
“These are the sorts of tough choice we have to make in govern-
ment, but rest assured that my colleagues and I will work tire-
lessly to ensure the negative consequences of our actions are al-
ways blamed on someone, or something else.”
Man forgets he bought seven luxury flats
A MAN completely forgot he had bought a large number of lux-
ury flats, he has revealed.
Businessman Roy Hobbs was surprised and delighted to discover
he was the proud owner of seven seaside properties which he
believes could turn out to be a good investment.
Hobbs said: “You should have seen my face when my wife re-
drunks, the unemployable and the homeless in the doors day after
day in the hope of necking some cheap Old Dogfarter or Gnatz-
pisz Pils and then talking shite? It’s not a good business model. I
am sick to death of paying the bill for cleaning up the vomit and
the piss which the old gits can’t even get into the urinal after a
few pints.
“I am also up to here with politics” Mr. Martin said as he made a
throat cutting gesture “particularly with the smart arse London
intelligentsia who come into my pubs encouraging my customers
to boycott the business over my support for this Brexit thing.
They also keep asking my Polish and Romanian staff what they
are going to do when Britain leaves the EU and now they’re
threatening to go on strike.
“So, as a cost cutting exercise it’s best to sack them all now and
not bother to wait until 2019. Boris Johnson has promised me
that as the economy will collapse after that date there will be
ample staff available in London from the banking industry and in
Sunderland from the car industry in order to staff my mega ware-
houses in the north and south of the country.
“So basically, I don’t give a rat’s arse.”
Bayon Pearnik®
Adam Parker,
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A. Nonnymouse
, Wordsmiths
Sharpless
, Photos
———————————————————————————————————————————————————
Maxwell Perkins,
Editor Postmortis
Dexter Coffin III,
Lawrence Connelly,
Rich, Well-Connected Friends of Publisher
Jeff Elson,
Associate Deputy Editor
Dr. Safari,
Health Editor
Ian Velocipede,
Editor-at-Large
James Eckhart,
Editor-at-Larger
A. Fortiori, Dan Meat, Etta Moga,
Assistant Associate Deputy Editors
Cletus J. “Bubba” Huckabee, Jr.,
Movie Reviewer
Edward R. Murrow,
Famous Journalist
Autmean Loy, Prakhai Thuich, Som Muiroi,
Overworked Proles
Sdap Otbaan, Ta Madong Thiet,
Translators
It
, Coffee
Dim Sambo,
Systems Support
Chubb,
Reception
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
The Bayon Pearnik is an independent magazine dedicated to raising beer
money as well as encouraging debate over standards of taste, humor and
journalistic ethics. Published every month or so in Phnom Penh. Not to be taken
seriously or while driving or operating heavy machinery. Always consult your
doctor first because we're not responsible for what happens to you.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Advertising, Editorial, Inquiries and anything else :
The Bayon Pearnik, P.O. Box 2279,
Phnom Penh 3.
Advertising, Editorial : 012-803-968 (Adam),
Advertising: 012 887 699 Mol (KHMER/ENGLISH)
E-mail: bp@forum.org.kh www.bayonpearnik.com
“We accept anybody’s ravings—we often print them!”
look for the link that says,
“Download a copy of your Face-
book data.” Click it.
3. The next page that appears will
have a “Download Your Informa-
tion” heading. Click the Start My
Archive link. You’ll then see a
notification saying it may take a
few minutes to create your archive.
Facebook will send emails to the
address you have in your profile to
let you know that your data was
requested, and then another email
to notify you that your data is
ready to download.
4. Check your email for the
download notification. It will have
a link you need to click. This is done to help make sure that the
data request is legitimate.
5. After you click the email link, your browser will go back to
Facebook’s Download Your Information page, but now there
is a Download Archive link. Click it to start the download
process.
6. A window will pop-up, asking for your Facebook pass-
word. Enter it and click Submit to proceed.
7. The download will begin. The file size varies, depending
on how much information you have put in Facebook. The
more active you are, the bigger the download.
How to read your Facebook data
Facebook provides your data as a local mini website. All the
files are in a folder, and if you open the folder, you’ll see an
index.htm file. Open it, and it will launch in your browser.
The first page that opens is your Profile page, which gives
you a summary of your personal information on Facebook.
Click on any of the links below your profile picture to see
what else is in your Facebook data. Some points of interests
you might want to check out sooner than later:
Messages has a history of all the Messenger messages you’ve
ever had. Even if you didn’t respond to a message, it’s in there.
Security displays when you were on Facebook.
How to download
your Facebook
data
With all the news about Face-
book recently, you might be
wondering, what exactly does
Facebook know about me
from my profile? Sure, you
can peruse your profile online,
but that doesn’t tell the whole
story. One way to see what
Facebook has on you is to
download your Facebook data.
The ability to download your
Facebook data isn’t really
new, but not many users know that you can do it. It only takes a
few minutes; how long depends on how big your data files are.
Here are the steps to download your Facebook data.
If you’ve decided that you want to leave Facebook completely,
here’s how to delete, disable, or limit your Facebook account.
Downloading your Facebook data
1. Go to your Facebook page and click on the downward-
pointing arrow at the top right corner of the page. It is located
next to the Quick Help (?) icon. Select Settings.
IDG
2. Go to the General Account Settings (it should go there by de-
fault). Below the list that includes your Name, Username, etc.,
only one real-time antivirus program installed at a time, but you
can have many on-demand scanners installed to run scans with
multiple programs, thereby ensuring that if one program misses
something a different one might find it.
If you think your PC is infected, we recommend using an on-
demand scanner first and then following up with a full scan by
your real-time antivirus program. Among the free (and high-
quality) on-demand scanners available are BitDefender Free Edi-
tion, Kaspersky Virus Removal Tool, Malwarebytes, Microsoft’s
Malicious Software Removal Tool, Avast, and SuperAntiSpy-
ware.
Step 4: Run a scan with Malwarebytes
scanner. To get started, download it. If you disconnected from the
internet for safety reasons when you first suspected that you
might be infected, reconnect to it so you can download, install,
and update Malwarebytes; then disconnect from
the internet again before you start the actual
scanning. If you can’t access the internet or you
can’t download Malwarebytes on the infected
computer, download it on another computer, save
it to a USB flash drive, and take the flash drive to
the infected computer.
After downloading Malwarebytes, run the setup
file and follow the wizard to install the pro-
gram. Once the program opens, it will automatically activate a
trial of the paid version that enables real-time scanning. You
won’t get charged after the trial ends, however—by default, the
program reverts to the standard free version in 14 days. In the
meanwhile, you can disable the real-time scanning for those two
weeks if you prefer.
To run a scan, switch from the Dashboard tab to the Scan tab.
Keep the default scan option (“Threat Scan”) selected and click
the Start Scan button. It should check for updates before it runs
the scan, but make sure that happens before you proceed.
Though it offers a custom-scan option, Malwarebytes recom-
mends that you perform the threat scan first, as that scan usually
finds all of the infections anyway. Depending on your computer,
the quick scan can take anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes, whereas
a custom scan might take 30 to 60 minutes or more. While Mal-
warebytes is scanning, you can see how many files or objects the
software has already scanned, and how many of those files it has
identified either as being malware or as being infected by mal-
ware.
If Malwarebytes automatically disappears after it begins scanning
and won’t reopen, you probably have a rootkit or other deep in-
fection that automatically kills scanners to prevent them from
removing it. Though you can try some tricks to get around this
malicious technique, you might be better off reinstalling Win-
dows after backing up your files , in view of the time and effort
you may have to expend to beat the malware.
Once the scan is complete, Malwarebytes will show you the re-
sults. If the software gives your system a clean bill of health but
you still think that your system has acquired some malware, con-
sider running a custom scan with Malwarebytes and trying the
other scanners mentioned earlier. If Malwarebytes does find in-
fections, it’ll show you what they are when the scan is complete.
Click the Remove Selected button in the lower left to get rid of
the specified infections. Malwarebytes may also prompt you to
restart your PC in order to complete the removal process, which
you should do.
If your problems persist after you’ve run the threat scan and it
has found and removed unwanted files, consider running a full
scan with Malwarebytes and the other scanners mentioned ear-
lier. If the malware appears to be gone, run a full scan with your
real-time antivirus program to confirm that result.
Ads shows what Facebook ads you clicked on and what advertis-
ers have your contact info.
Applications shows a list of what apps and services are using in
conjunction with Facebook.
If you see information you want to change or get rid of, you can’t
edit any of this information through the archive. You have to do
it through your Facebook account.
How to remove malware from your Win-
dows PC
Beware the signs of a potentially malware-infested PC: slower-
than-usual performance, the recent occurrence of lots of pop-ups,
and other weird issues. It’s possible your system has been in-
fected by a virus, spyware, or other nefarious entityeven if you
have an antivirus program installed. Yes, out-of-the-ordinary
behavior is sometimes the result of hardware issues,
but it’s best to first rule out malware if your PC is
acting up. Here’s a step-by-step guide for taking ac-
tion.
Step 1: Enter Safe Mode
Before you do anything, you need to disconnect your
PC from the internet, and don’t use it until you’re
ready to clean your PC. This can help prevent the
malware from spreading and/or leaking your private
data.
If you think your PC may have a malware infection, boot your
PC into Microsoft’s Safe Mode. In this mode, only the minimum
required programs and services are loaded. If any malware is set
to load automatically when Windows starts, entering in this mode
may prevent it from doing so. This is important because it can
make removing the nefarious files easier since they’re not actu-
ally running or active.
Sadly, Microsoft has turned the process of booting into safe
mode from a relatively easy process in Windows 7 and Windows
8 to one that is decidedly more complicated in Windows 10. To
boot into Windows Safe Mode, first click the Start button in Win-
dows 10 and select the Power button as if you were going to re-
boot, but don’t click anything. Next hold down the Shift key and
click Reboot. When the full-screen menu appears, select Trouble-
shooting, then Advanced Options, then Startup Settings. On the
next window click the Restart button and wait for the next screen
to appear (just stick with us here, we know this is long). Next you
will see a menu with numbered startup options; select number 4,
which is Safe Mode. Note that if you want to connect to any
online scanners you’ll need to select option 5, which is Safe
Mode with Networking.
Step 2: Delete temporary files
Now that you’re in Safe Mode, you’ll want to run a virus scan.
But before you do that, delete your temporary files. Doing this
may speed up the virus scanning, free up disk space, and even get
rid of some malware. To use the Disk Cleanup utility included
with Windows 10 just type Disk Cleanup in the search bar or
after pressing the Start button and select the tool that appears
named Disk Cleanup.
Step 3: Download malware scanners
Now you’re ready to have a malware scanner do its workand
fortunately, running a scanner is enough to remove most standard
infections. If you already had an antivirus program active on your
computer, you should use a different scanner for this malware
check, since your current antivirus software may not have de-
tected the malware. Remember, no antivirus program can detect
100 percent of the millions of malware types and variants.
There are two types of antivirus programs. You’re probably more
familiar with real-time antivirus programs, which run in the back-
ground and constantly watch for malware. (Another option is an
on-demand scanner, which searches for malware infections when
you open the program manually and run a scan. You should have
Well the Bits from the Beach has pretty much descended into a
monthly update on the Chinese takeover of Sihanoukville and
closure of Western run busineses’. But soon according to our
information it will be happening to Kampot as well. Well placed
Chinese sources say that they are about to descend en-masse into
Kampot, driven by the port development. Many Chinese have
been spotted around town looking at buildings and businesses.
Land prices have been rising from a low base and if the experi-
ence of Sihanoukville is anything to go by then there could be
some rapid rises in prices. Rents have already risen due largely
to the demand from expats fleeing Sihanoukville.
Also there has been a huge multi-billion dollar development
announce for land between Kampot and Kep, complete with a
canal system. It is supposed to cover 6,000 hectares and cost $23
billion and bring tens of thousands of jobs to the area, but since
it appears to be French run and not Chinese we take that one
with a grain of salt.
In a sign of the times, Dave-Ex, is now not only ex The Cove on
Serendipity beach, he is now ex-Sihanoukville, having moved to
Kampot recently. On message boards he was one of the most
vociferous defenders of
Sihanoukville against the
Phnom Penh detractors,
but apparently even he
could not handle the
changes in the town. The
Cove and the vacant busi-
ness beside it are now in
Chinese hands and rumour
is that Cloud 9 is set to
join them. Meanwhile
Above us only Sky, as one
of the few good Western
run places in town, located
also on Serendipity Beach
is looking to expand, due
to increased business.
Infrastructure remains a headache in Sinoukville. Power cuts
have become a near daily and nightly occurance, sometimes
lasting all day or even 24 hours or longer. The new rubbish col-
lection company seems to be cutting costs by only collecting
occasionally with piles of rubbish lingering around for days. It is
only due to the constant rain over dry season that the town did
not run out of water.
No one at Pub Street seems to know when the final day of trad-
ing will be. Many of the residents are planning to move to Kam-
pot. In a recent meeting the Leaseholder told the tenants that
they would not be getting their deposits back, that the compensa-
tion he was offering was enough. This deeply Christian man was
asked be disgruntled tenants what the 8th commandment was
and refused to answer (go on look it up).The popular quiz at
Banana Joes is set to move to late afternoon at The Glory Hole
Bar at Sihanoukville square when Pub Street closes. One former
Pub street tenant, the popular Stevie C has opened a new busi-
ness in Kho Kong, an area to which a few Sinoukville residents
are moving. The long established GDay Mate hotel and bar in
downtown is also closing soon.
Those few remaining business in Sihanoukville (except the few
remaining hotels, which are experiencing record occupancy rates
and higher room rates) are seeing reduced business, due to the
expat exodus and a noticeable drop in western tourist numbers.
Those that come seem to go straight to the islands, where busi-
ness is doing well.
The corner site where the night market was opposite the Lions
roundabout is now yet another construction site. No signs are up
but the smart money is on a new hotel and casino. Speaking of
construction, all the heavy equipment that was on the Royal
Group Ochheateal Beach site is gone. There were some tempo-
rary stalls there at Khmer New Year, as well as in other streets,
in what was a relatively quiet Khmer New Year as Phnom Penh
Khmers continue to shy away from visiting town on weekends
and holidays. We are headed into low season but the amount of
evening traffic, especially around the Lions Roundabout is as
busy as it was in high season just a few years ago, due to the
increased number of residents.
Sihanoukville not only has over 3 dozen casinos, it also has sev-
eral poker rooms within those casinos, usually run by Barangs.
The River King Poker
room at Bao Mai was re-
cently bought out by a
well known expat and un-
der the management of the
former manager of the
illegal River King Poker
Room in Phnom Penh, is
doing well and is known
now as the Bao Mai Poker
Room. They hold a guar-
anteed minimum $888
prize money tournament
on the 15th of every
month. They also have
announced a $10,000 free
roll poker tournament. All one has to do to get a seat and chips
to this event is to play for 180 hours between 25 April and 31
July (once a week there will be a day that has double hour bo-
nus). The tournament will be held at the Bao Main Poker room
on 4 August and the first prize is $5000 with up to 6 places paid.
After the announcement last month of the international hotel
chain planning to open in Sihanoukville, many more have
jumped on the band wagon and announced that they are plan-
ning to open in Sinoukville. Soon there will be no shortage of
$200 plus per night 5 star hotel rooms. In a vanguard movement,
the Prime Minister recently opened the $40 million 67 room 5
star resort that the Royal Group has constructed on Koh Rong
imaginatively named The Royal Sands Koh Rong. This is inter-
esting as soon after the PM instructed that licenses that had been
granted for investment projects on islands that have not gone
ahead fast enough for his liking be revoked. The Royal group
has a licence to much of Koh Rong, some of which has been
leased out to westerners. Heaven forbid that these licences be
revoked and reassigned to the new Sino overlords.
Snookys new skyline abounds with tower cranes.