who’s now the longest serving leader in Asia, wondering if the
same fate would befall him and while there were some parallels;
long serving, autocratic, eccentric impulses and strong opposi-
tion, there are great divergences.
Most importantly, Mugabe practically destroyed the Zimbabwean
economy. He’s probably most famous for a staggering inflation
rate of 69,000,000%. A friend from there showed me a
50,000,000,000 dollar note, but the highest one was a cool one
trillion, that’s 1,000,000,000,000. But then at a certain point the
people began refusing that funny money and demanded some-
thing of value. The government was then forced to use the US
Dollar.
He indulged in a lot of racial politics, always blaming the sub-
stantial white population and colonialism for the country’s prob-
lems. For instance, he set up a land redistribution scheme, which,
in itself, I don’t consider a bad idea considering the country’s
colonial past, but what really happened was productive white
farms were parceled out to military men and cronies who knew
nothing about farming and production plummeted. The country
went from one of Africa’s breadbaskets to a basket case. He
clung to power until essentially the whole country rose up and
said, Time to go.
In contrast, our big man, has led the country into being one of the
10 fastest growing economies in the world. As a result a lot of
people have risen out of abject poverty and their lives improved.
No matter what else he’s noted for, a lot of people appreciate that
part of his rule.
An extensive patronage network helps him survive. For instance,
we have 3000 generals here. In contrast, the US with 1000 times
the budget has 500. It’s a good chance that a lot of our top guns
drive luxury vehicles of higher status than America’s generals.
That, added to a similar padding of many government offices,
constitutes a lot of loyal people to back him up.
Another factor in our success is the country’s openness to the
world. Making it easy for people from all over the world to settle
here has brought income and innovation and world culture.
Our currency is pegged to the USD and in the 16 years I’ve been
here it’s never strayed more than 5% from 4000 to a dollar. Hav-
ing a stable currency and use of the dollar has been a big boost
for development. The country’s leaders would really like to
change that, to dedollarize, but can’t for many reasons. Eliminat-
ing the use of the dollar would allow them to manipulate the local
currency, which has its good points but also sometimes leads to
problems, Zimbabwe being the best example.
Speedy development looks good and adds to GDP, but not all
development is beneficial. The country has a mania for convert-
ing urban wetlands and public park space to development. In the
latest example a 1600 meter public walkway on the river in
L
et’s start with Hafez Assad of Syria. When the Arab
Spring came to Syria in 2011 with peaceful demon-
strators marching for basic freedoms and democracy,
he labeled them all terrorists and brutally suppressed
them, just as he and his father before him had suppressed all
dissent. For a lot of strongmen, once they have power, they find
it impossible to give it up. Holding on is an ego thing, self-
aggrandizement, puffing themselves up to claim wealth and
power. There’s also, I assume, a fear of retribution for their
many misdeeds and reckoning regarding their amassing of
wealth through greed and corruption. As long as they remain in
power the millions keep rolling in. If they are deposed, they
June find themselves in prison.
Assad has been fighting for seven years to stay in power. So
what has he accomplished for his country? To start with half a
million dead, 12 million people displaced, part turned into refu-
gees, part internally. Finally large areas have been completely
destroyed. It will take a generation to repair the damage. All for
one man’s ego.
Assad is an Alawite, an offshoot of Shiite Islam, which made up
about 18% of Syria’s, pre conflict population. 80% were Sunnis
and as it happens in nearly every society, the party in control
keeps most of the spoils for themselves. Opening the country to
more freedom might’ve allowed for a peaceful transition, since
Syrians are educated and the society secular, but by basically
saying to the demonstrators, Bring it on, Assad, brought out the
worst in the form of radical Islamists who took over large
swathes of the country and, in the case of Islamic State, were
arguably worse than him in regards to human rights. They will
be totally vanquished at some point, but in any case the country
will be left in an awful state.
I don’t believe a violent insurrection is possible here, though
many people are, to put it mildly, extremely distressed and dis-
gruntled about the country’s current political situation. The op-
position took 45% in the last election in an amazing turnout of
86%, a better turnout than almost any western country. The op-
position no longer exists through a tactic called lawfare. As long
as you control the government, you can devise laws that target
your opponents and put them out of commission.
There’s also not a small matter of threats of violence the leader-
ship has made against any who demonstrate against a ruling
party win at the polls. The big guy said he’d be willing to kill
100 or 200 people to prevent demonstrations. As a result, oppo-
nents have been laying low, but they haven’t forgotten and have
only been pacified on the outside: Inside many are seething.
When you need to take another’s life to maintain power you are
playing God, which, if it doesn’t come back to haunt you in this
life, will punish you in the next. (Forgive the religious tone,
sometimes I can’t help myself.)
Memories of the Khmer Rouge are still fresh in many people’s
minds and we have no radical groups to threaten the peace, no
malcontents itching to blow things up. In that way we are
blessed: no ethnic tensions, the country’s Muslims are com-
pletely peaceful.
When 92-year-old Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe was forced to
step down, peacefully but unwillingly, he had been the longest
serving leader in Africa. He remained in power partly from his
legacy of being an original fighter for independence and the
usual vote-rigging, intimidation and beating of opposition fig-
ures: The kind of chicanery practiced all over the world by tin-
pot strong men as well as the US and some other places in the
developed world.
At the time a lot of people compared him to our head man,
you burn my picture, I can beat you (paraphrasing). Junebe he
forgot he didn’t have the same prerogatives in a foreign country
and had to walk his comment back after it created an uproar.
Finally, there’s a feel good story from Malaysia to end this essay
on political intransigence. Mohammed Mahathir who ran Malay-
sia for 20 years until the early 1990s has made a surprise come-
back at the age of 92. While he was in power the country made
great economic strides, but he was quite autocratic also and put
much of his opposition out of commission. He began as partners
with Anwar Ibrahim but when he and Ibrahim had a falling out
and Ibrahim challenged him at the polls, Mahathir used trumped
up, politically motivated charges of sodomy to put Ibrahim out of
commission. He spent 6 years in prison and was quite severely
beaten at times, to the point of causing permanent damage.
Meanwhile, when Mahathir retired about 20 years ago, Najib
Razak, took over. Mahathir’s victory over Razak in the latest
election ended one party rule by UMNO United National Ma-
lays Organization that had been maintained since independence
in the sixties. They had kept their power by giving special privi-
leges to the 60% Malay Muslim population and by establishing
an electoral system heavily weighted towards rural voters where
Malays are concentrated.
Just a few years ago it was Razak’s turn to jail Ibrahim on sod-
omy charges. Whether or not you thought the charges of sodomy
were plausible the first time, the second time was a farce. A big
strong young man claimed he was abused by an old, small and
frail Ibrahim.
Meanwhile Razak engaged in corruption on a massive scale. His
1MDB development scheme wound up losing 13 billion dollars
of state money and seven hundred million dollars appeared in his
personal bank account… a gift from a Saudi prince was his
laughable claim. All that was too much for Mahathir so he recon-
ciled with Ibrahim, who was still behind bars, to challenge Razak
and won. Mahathir immediately pardoned Ibrahim and has prom-
ised to step down within 2 years and let Ibrahim become presi-
dent. Some people see Mahathir’s working with and freeing Ibra-
him as an act of atonement for wrongs committed. Taking a per-
son’s freedom for personal gain is another one of those bottom-of
-the-barrel karmic lows.
I can’t end this essay without a mention of China. President Xi
Jin Ping, not long after starting his second term, decided to
change the constitution to end term limits. They had been in
place since Mao’s time to prevent the rise of an all powerful indi-
vidual. But Xi wants to rule forever so he brought together the
country’s rubber stamp congress to change the rule. Not surpris-
ingly the change was approved, and also not surprisingly, the
vote was 2995 to 2 with 3 abstentions. When the tally was an-
nounced almost the entire assembly cheered wildly. I mean,
who’s going to publicly go against an all powerful leader. The
kicker is that the words term limits were censored in the coun-
try’s internet search engines. Such a momentous change and the
Phnom Penh just south of the Japanese bridge is going to be
sold off for development. In a city where only 1% of land area
is public and much of that is inaccessible traffic circles or small
areas surrounded by traffic, every loss is a bad idea. It’s the
same in the countryside. Large areas of national parks and wild-
life refuges have been converted to plantations. There’s not
much that’s natural left in some parks.
A Chinese company was given 40 kms of coastline in Ream
National Park near Sihanoukville for a reportedly 2 billion dol-
lar resort development. If history is any guide, the resort will, to
all intents and purposes, be off limits to non-Chinese. Here in
Kampot all the main tourist spots are jammed at every holiday;
traffic gets backed up for kilometers. Now that wealth is coming
to our country and many people have cars there is pent up de-
mand, they want to get away from the crowded city and enjoy a
little of the countryside and its fresh air. Junebe Ream wasn’t
used much when the concession was granted, so it wasn’t con-
sidered much of a loss, but now it’s clear if the park had been
developed with locals in mind it’d be crowded now. A resource
for all citizens has been reserved for privileged others.
It’s hard to talk about political intransigence without mentioning
Nicolas Maduro of Venezuela. He took over from Hugo Chavez
when he died in 3013. Chavez was the first indigenous leader of
Venezuela and he did wonders in bringing people out of poverty
and creating a fairer society. At the same time he was reviled by
the country’s establishment and mercilessly denounced by the
US, regularly referring to him as a dictator when he won every
election by a large margin. What he did was break the hold of
the right-wing establishment on the country’s politics. Mean-
while he was revered by the people. The right wing opposition
demonstrated against him on a regular basis only because they
were pissed that he won the election.
What he didn’t do was diversify the economy to be less depend-
ent on oil so when the price crashed there wasn’t the cash to
keep all of its programs going. If you then try to keep them go-
ing by printing money without reserve, the whole monetary sys-
tem goes haywire and the result is an inflation rate of about
17,000%, prices double every month. If you then try to keep
basic food staples cheap while inflation is raging by setting
prices, and those prices are below the cost of production, well
then manufacturers will stop producing. The average Venezue-
lan has lost five to ten kilos in the last couple years because
food is simply not available. This in a country with the world’s
largest oil reserves and great natural wealth.
When the people soured on his leadership and the opposition
won 70% of the seats in the country’s legislature, he stripped
the assembly of its powers. He’s jailed opposition leaders and
acted autocratically. He obsessively clings to power, refuses to
accept the will of the people and continues to drag his country
down. He has given socialism a bad name. No matter your ide-
ology, at a certain point practicality has to reign. You can’t
maintain your socialist stance while people aren’t getting
enough to eat.
We too have a leader who clings to power which is fine as long
as it’s legitimate; that is, earned through the ballot box without
using legal artifice to eliminate your opposition, without threats
and intimidation, without rigging the vote or the system.
It gets silly when the government goes after a woman who
threw a shoe at a ruling party sign and subsequently put it on
social media. She fled to Thailand, was returned at government
request and is now in jail. You have to be really insecure to be
frightened of a thrown shoe. Putting her behind bars and punish-
ing others whose only crime is to object or dissent is no way to
win hearts and minds, but it is a way to crystallize opponents
resolve.
Excessive time in office tends to cause leaders to do silly things,
to forget simple norms. When our number one saw pictures of
himself being burned in Australia prior to a trip there he said, If
in front of bullets fired by Israel during yesterday’s border pro-
tests in order to make them look bad.
With 58 dead, and over a thousand more injured, Israel has come
in for criticism amongst the international community for its dis-
proportionate response to protesters it hugely outmatches in
terms of military capability.
However, Netanyahu has defended his armed forces and their
tactics, accusing Palestinians of working together to jump in front
of any random sniper’s bullets that happened to be in their vicin-
ity.
Netanyahu told reporters,”These people could have avoided the
thousands of high-velocity bullets sent in their general direction
if they had wanted to.
“But no, their primary goal was to make Israel look like a bully
on the international stage, so they took every opportunity they
could to throw themselves in front of bullets that would have
otherwise fallen harmlessly into the ground.
“And those dead children were probably thrown in front of bul-
lets by their parents.
“No, of course I’m not going to express any sympathy for dead
Palestinian children, why would I?
Meanwhile, Internet simpletons have sought to blame the death
of children caused by a highly-complex geo-political issue going
back decades to ‘bad parenting’.
Facebook user Simon Williams told us, “I blame the parents,
definitely. There wouldn’t be any dead children if those Palestin-
ian parents hadn’t let their children wander within range of a
massive and highly trained army with well-armed snipers sta-
tioned every few metres.
“It’s the Israeli soldiers I feel sorry, I bet their trigger fingers are
red raw.”
Boris Johnson to receive Pride of Britain Award for coping
without a private plane
The Foreign Secretary’s bravery and stoicism in the face of an
extraordinarily challenging life without a private plane is to be
recognised with a Pride of Britain Award
Member of the British public Simon Williams said, “It’s aston-
ishing that in 2018 this sort of deprivation exists right under our
noses.
“Giving him a Pride of Britain Award is a good first step but
more needs to be done. Can’t we close some hospitals or some-
thing to fund the Boris plane? I’m sure there are a few waiting
lists that wouldn’t mind being a little bit longer so that Boris can
have a Gulfstream.”
people aren’t even entitled to ask about it.
Just a few words before I close about Xi’s social credit system.
By 2020 every Chinese will be rated according to their social
merits. Good grades in school, follow all the laws, visit your par-
ents regularly, you get a good score. Bad grades, demonstrate
(against pollution for instance), break the laws, bad score. Cur-
rently in China there are 11 million people who are banned from
air travel and another 4 million who can’t even ride trains be-
cause, in the eyes of the state, they are bad people. Talk about
Big Brother.
The Hunt’s on for GOOGLE
Cancerous pustule, Jeremy Hunt, has threatened Social media
giants with more laws because he says they don’t do enough to
protect children. Jeremy of course knows all about protecting
children having closed down many children’s wards as health
minister.
Of course Mr Hunt pretending to show empathy is hilarious to
us as we understand he has as much compassion as a dog rap-
ing a pigeon.
Mr Hunt sent a letter to the internet firms which surprised them
as no one actually thought he could write.
A spokesman for Mr Hunt said:
"I hate this fox faced cunt I only work for him as a favour to
somebody. I often imagine just holding his head down in a
bucket of piss and just watching the bubbles disappear. He
asked me to read a statement out but he can go fuck himself
with a machete. Sick Tory cunt "
Mr Hunt met social media leaders six months ago to discuss
how children’s mental health challenges could be addressed.
GOOGLEs suggestion that the Tories stop cutting the mental
health budget was laughed, heartily, at by Mr Hunt.
Of course we at Back and to the Left news are not just writing
nasty things to achieve recognition or fame as bitter people.
We hate Hunt.
There are tropical skin diseases we would rather contract on
our foreskins than spend a moment in that man's company.
Jeremy Hunt: Someone even his own mother can’t stand him.
Churches and Mosques To Be More Clearly Marked As
Drunk Orders Takeaway At Mosque
After a man of Eastern origin yesterday walked into a chapel
and ordered fish, chips and a pickled egg, calls to clearly mark
places of worship were made in Scunthorpe.
Last week two inebriated couples walked into Scunthorpe's
Kirk St. Mosque and tried to place an order for one chicken
tikka masala, one lamb korma, two chicken jalfrezis, four naan
breads, a family sized portion of pilaw rice, papadums and
pickles.
The Mosque elders re-directed the couples to the Taj Mahal
Restaurant and take away across the street and asked them to
order eight prawn Byriani dishes and four vegetable curry side
dishes for 11.30.
Israel accuses Palestinian protesters of running in front of
their bullets just to make them look bad
Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu has told the inter-
national community that Palestinian protesters deliberately ran
Once again starting with a Golden Sorya Mall update. For full
disclosure, the Pub Page is actually on the road right now so
some of my information is probably already out of date at writ-
ing, let alone by publication. Luckily, the grand GSM re-
opening is not slated to take place until 30 May (after writing,
but pre-publication) and your friendly neighbourhood bar fly
will be back by then so there
will be a better update for
next month. From my per-
spective, the place is looking
good except for the loss of
central courtyard seating that
I have already whined about,
but I have my concerns. I am
probably not able to count
this high on my own but have
read that there are 29 spots
for rent in the new configura-
tion with rents from USD 900
to 2,500 the latter I was told
applies to the larger 2 storey
units. Some reports stressed
that the new GSM operators
are going to try to attract a
wide variety of tenants in-
cluding various international
themes I assume they aim to
expand the clientele from the
previously predominantly
drunken reprobates and those
in a symbiotic/parasitic rela-
tionship with them.
After walking about and read-
ing up on this, the Page is
worried that GSM will
quickly sink back into the
morass of failed businesses as
I think the new tenants will
have to sell a lot of cheap
draft just to cover their nuts
(so to speak). When I last went by I was told that 5 spots were
rented already although only two were operating before I went
walkabout (unfortunately not to my long departed favorite
Phnom Penh watering hole that is now a Korean restaurant, but
on). Overall, given the rents and set up, I am not optimistic
about how things will turn out. Hopefully the revitalized GSM
will still welcome elderly degenerates like myself for a few
beverages, despite the obvious efforts to remove some of the
more unseemly elements who would drag down the otherwise
classy/hip ambiance.
On to the two places already up and running. Lina Bar is in the
south west part of the mall before the courtyard. It was just
opening when I left so I did not get a chance to grab a drink,
but some of the staff have been around for a while so the Pub
Page has hopes that it will run fairly smoothly.Am looking for-
ward to giving the place a try soon and including it in next
month’s report.
Near and dear to my heart, Home Foods has moved back into
its old spot and was the first business running in the new GSM.
The second floor was not open yet when I left but I was told
that it was coming soon. One more whine about the missing
courtyard seating I hate that elephant and tree. However, Home
Food is otherwise back with its full menu, cheap draft and friendly
service. It will be interesting to see if the customers who migrated
over to Martini and Swiss Food will come back to their old roost,
but I was happy to seem them move back.
I was told that Swiss Food and Martini are going to stay where
they are for awhile as they are
happy with their new digs, but
the stories I heard changed
regularly so it will be interest-
ing to see what happens. Both
places seem to have done very
well with the re-location, so I
don’t expect that they want to
leave.
On to some bars. The Page
dropped by a new bar called
Moe’s on st 144 a couple of
blocks west of Kandal market.
I was told Moe’s opens at 5 and
closes around midnight unless
it is busy. It is a small comfort-
able space with back room with
a video game system and an
electronic darts machine in the
front room. There were only a
few people working but service
was good and friendly. Angkor
draft is USD 1.5 for a glass and
a pitcher is 4.5. Local cans are
USD 1.75 or 2 with imports a
bit up from there. Johnny
Black, tequila, wine and cider
are each USD 3 with other spir-
its at USD 2.5. Cocktails are
either USD 3 or 3.5. Overall, a
nice quiet out of the way place
for a few beverages and some
companionship.
Hit Island Bar on 118 St for the
first time in a LONG LONG time. Some of you may remember
that Island bar had a well-deserved reputation for having lots of
friendly staff outside to bring in the customers who rarely seemed
to come into the bar. Leaving the unsuspecting customers to the
mercies of the inside crew. However, that strategy seems to have
been re-considered. The same welcoming smiles followed us into
bar and a good time was had by all. Basically, cans of beer are
USD 2, and bottles are 3. Most spirits are USD 3 or 3.5; however,
this is one of those bars that add .5 for mixer BOOO. Lady
drinks are USD 3.5 and “special drinks” are 5. So not the cheap-
est place to drop in for a drink but still thought it was worth the
effort.
That is about it for this month will likely have a big GSM up-
date next month.
powerful people
through his company
Asia Public Relations
In Cosy Kampuchea
(A.P.R.I.C.K.).
He also complained
that he was not the
floor cleaner in the
company but chief
bottle washer.
A business aquain-
tence who only spoke
under condition of
Apparently the new
Micronesian owner
Sillimar T Donappa-
thy (S.T.D.), had a
wobbly hissing fit that
his name was spelt
wrong (no wonder).
His chief slave was
fired for casting as-
persions that he was
connected to very
The CAMBODIADREARY
Volume 05 Issue 09 Wednesday, June 1, 20018 0000 Riel
Soiree All
Cambodged Up
BY SAL UT
THE CAMBODIA DREARY
The Dreary this month
launches a new Monday
pull-out to complement our
English Weakly, entitled
Let's Parlez Le Franglais!,
and also based on the bi-
zarre idea that journalists
have skills in teaching.
Week by week, build up
your Franglais as we ex-
press barely concealed
smug, Anglophone xeno-
phobic glee at the demise of
the local French press.
"Qu'est-ce que c'est dans
le journal?" you may ask.
Well, ne worry pas. Ce n'est
pas controversial comme
certain NGO reports je
could mention!
Criticisme du gouverne-
ment? Mais non, mes amis,
sacre bleu!
It isn't all words and
grammar, though; in fact,
from now, it won't be any
of that! We also look at
useful idioms such as
'donner la sack', 'packer
votre sacs', and 'aller bust.'
Very soon, you'll be able
to 'zut alors!' with the best
of them, as we expand your
vocabulary with classic
French texts such as the
haunting poem, Le Ro-
mance De La Rose Bar, and
Sartre's classic trilogy, Les
Mains Sales, La Putain Re-
spectueuse (est onze ans),
and the existential master-
piece set in Prey Sar, Huis
Clos; hell is other people's
morals!
One unnamed Franco-
phile conceded, "Not every
Frenchman in Cambodia is
a child pimping junkie, but
yes, every child pimping
junkie in Cambodia is
Continued on page 17
The Phnom Penh Past’s editors office showing their forward planning is forging ahead nicely. Staff showed
their confidence in the changes by resigning en-mass (well the foreign ones anyway). Khmer staff refused to
answer questions only saying, “I have a family to feed”. Cont Page17
Phnom Penh Past flogged off to someone allegedly
BY CHOY MAI
THE CAMBODIA DREARY
anonymity said. “STD
has no powerful
friends in fact he has
had no friends at all
ever.
You don’t hire AP-
RICK to make friends
you hire APRICK to
represent you if you
have tons of money.”
When asked about
STD writing two
books on the life and
times of Sarawak’s
logging mafia don and
chief minister. He
replied “The name on
the books are not the
same as STD so it
must be someone
else.”
A web search turned
up APRICK offering
“covert public rela-
tions” and several
different -Cont P 17
About Cambodia
FCCC to become carbon
neutral; customers
dismayed at ban on
expelling hot air Page 17
New Publishers bogus
skydiving record
Page 17
Flightless kiwi garners
little sympathy, support
for rapists' rights Page 17
'Life's a beach' – owners
depart floating bar with
heads held high, noses
Pinched Page 17
122 homeless people
rehoused in Bassac area
Page 17
Illegal Logs
Seized;
Threat To
Canine
Health Be-
gins
BY RAY BIDLOONY
DISASSOCIATED PRESS
PHNOM PENH Moves
to stop illegal logging
taken by the government
were stressed this month
after external criticism.
Several consignments
of suspected illegally
felled trees which had
been turned into paper
and bound as a report by
a shadowy foreign NGO
were seized early in the
month after sterling work
by top officials.
Meanwhile, success
was announced in at-
tempts to stop illegal
logging in Phnom Penh
after the ban on dogs on
Sisowath Quay came into
force.
Furthermore, officials
investigating deforesta-
tion reported a break-
through in solving a time
-honored conundrum.
"We can say with some
certainty that if a tree
falls down in a forest,
and nobody sees it, it
makes the sound of a new
lexus, landcruiser, or
villa.
Continued on page 17
This is a work of fiction and satire any semblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental
firmed as a deliberate action taken by the Prince of Dark-
ness. Satan has confirmed that the sink hole on White
House property is actually a direct access point to Hell.
"Donny was complaining about the commute every day
between his work on the physical plane and back home to
his comfortable abode on the cliffs overlooking the Lakes
of Damnation," the Devil explained. "So, we obliged him
with a direct portal between both dimensions."
Although, some people expressed surprise that Trump is some sort
of hell spawn, many others felt they finally had a prism through
which to understand his behavior.
A second sink hole that has developed near Mar a Lago has also
been confirmed as a convenient access point supplied by Satan for
Trump to utilize.
"He's such a great performer for us, that we really do anything in
our power to accommodate him," Satan explained. "If even half of
my other demons were as good as he is we'd probably have to open
Hell 2!"
The President seemed to both confirm and deny the Devil's claims
in one sentence.
"If I were an agent of Hell would I really try so hard to court evan-
gelical voters, although that's kind of the Devil's business, isn't it?"
A poll showed that 80% of evangelicals still supported the Presi-
dent despite his direct links to Satan.
"He's just playing the Devil like he does everyone else," Justin
Smiley from Arkansas stated. "If he were evil, why would he work
so hard to punish all those outside forces trying to attack God's
Country?"
The Devil and Trump both laughed maniacally upon hearing this
and rubbed their hands together greedily.
"If things continue working out the way they're headed, we'll
probably be able to ditch the sink holes altogether," Satan said
without explanation.
Satan has not offered up details concerning any more locations that
Trump might have these portals, but he did mention that he almost
renamed the Lakes of Agony "Trump's Hot Tub". Although, he did
express some reservation about entering the Trump Tower hot tub
himself.
Donald Trump Hopes To Assuage UK Leaders When
He Meets With Big Ben
Facing widespread condemnation from US Allies, Donald Trump
is on a charm offensive to win over his critics in the UK and prove
once and for all that he has the temperament to be a world leader.
"I'm going to meet with Big Ben," the Don Tweeted, "and I think
the British people are going to come around, there is no bigger
supporter of England than me." Along with the tweet was a picture
of Trump at his desk with some fish and chips.
Now that picture has become a meme phenomenon, mostly ridicul-
ing Trump's superficial understanding of the world.
The next day a Trump spokesman said that his boss really does
know that Big Ben is a clock and that he was just making a joke.
Trump has been widely ridiculed in the UK for his demagoguery
and business practices even inspiring a petition and a parliamen-
tary debate on banning him from the UK.
Former First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond famously said
Donald Trump "couldn't get elected the dog-catcher" in Scotland.
This was after Trump's promises of jobs and economic growth
failed to materialize after he destroyed a delicate ecosystem there
and built a golf course in it's place.
Speaking to HBO Real Sports Salmond said, "Now Donald Trump
wants to do for the US what he's done for Scotland, I pray the good
people of the US do not elect a crazy man to lead their country.
Donald Trump belongs in a mental hospital."
Sainsbury’s-Asda merger to show middle-class shop-
pers the futility of their pathetic aspirations
A PROPOSED merger between Sainsbury’s and Asda will finally
make middle-class Britain realise its imagined superiority is noth-
Amber Rudd To Be Given 'Cushy Job'
Amber Rudd, the former Conservative Party Home Secretary who
resigned her post earlier this week due to her involvement in the
Windrush Scandal, is to be found a nice, cushy job once all the
silly 'fuss and nonsense' over Windrush has died down.
Rudd is the latest in a lengthening line of 'Fall Guys' or, in this
case, 'Gals' who have fallen on their swords so that a bigger name -
on this occasion, the Prime Minister Theresa May - can escape
blame. May it was, who was the Home Secretary when Tory pol-
icy changes on immigration started to affect the Windrush genera-
tion, and put their status in the UK at risk. Leaked memos to The
Guardian finally put paid to Rudd's career at the weekend.
Or did it?
Rudd may be an odious liar, and a lickspittle for the likes of May
and her drones, but she won't have been happy about having to
give up an esteemed position such as Home Secretary, particularly
as the person she is defending - May - is the person who is ulti-
mately responsible for the whole mess.
In the time-honoured fashion of bent politicians, however, it will
only be a matter of time before Rudd is back 'fighting the Tory
fight', nonchalant-as-you-like, probably in a post further afield -
Europe maybe, in the run-up to Brexit, or maybe some sort of liai-
son position to 'smooth things over' with the Europeans after it's
happened. Something like that. Something nice and easy that she
can manage without completely screwing it up.
Or maybe the menacing Tories will give her a job 'assisting' the
Windrush victims get over their nightmare of suffering. I'm sure
she'd do a very good job there, in a very sincere and caring man-
ner.
That's the way politics works. Sadly.
UK Vegan fanatics attack fish restaurant with potato
chips!
Diners at a respectable fish restaurant, expecting a 'haute cuisine'
plate of their favorite meal, fish and chips, got a rude surprise as
fanatical vegans rushed in and, whipped the fish off their plates!
They replaced prime Dover Sole, Cod and Halibut with soggy
potato chips, wrapped in filthy newspaper, and stinking of vile
vinegar, shock, horror!
Many of the posh diners fainted at the stench of vinegar soaked
chips wrapped in the Daily Star, "how vulgar, I prefer The Times"
claimed one punter, as she puked on her bone-china plate!
The restaurant owner, Pete Pilchard, (name changed for political
reasons), told Jaggedone's fish and chips star CIA reporter
(Cockroach Infiltration Army), Pussy Sprat-Fishbone, who was
also dining at the back on scraps, thrown out the back door by
Polish dishwashers, how terrible veganism had become:
"They attack us regularly, paint slogans like 'Fish feel pain' on our
sign, send their hungry cats in the kitchen to scrounge for morsels,
and then tell health inspectors we keep cats in the kitchen; well
someone has to catch the rats! They have even hi-jacked our fish
supplier by puncturing his tyres with sharks teeth! This vegan
wave of violence will end up in a catastrophe and I wonder what
the hell they eat to make them so radical? Can't be pigs blood, can
it?!"
A fanatic vegan patrolling outside the restaurant refused to give
Pussy Sprat-Fishbone an interview on the grounds that she stunk
of fish, but if she dressed as a turnip he possibly would change his
mind and explain to the world why vegans are such morons
Satan opens sink hole on White House lawn to shorten
Trump's daily commute to Hell
What was originally reported as a geological event has been con-
ing but a lie.
The £10bn deal would mean that shoppers who habitually pay
50p extra for the same coffee as ‘Asda people’ would have to
face up to being basically no different to the men who do their
car MOTs.
Sainsbury’s shopper Mary Fisher said: “The barbarians are at the
gates of Rome. Our golden dream of civilisation is over.
“After this merger, my trolley of purple basil and orecchiette
pasta will be cheek-by-jowl with an Asda trolley packed with
Monster Munch and Mr Tumble Pasta Shapes and I’ll stare into
that abyss and, God help me, so many products will be the same
ones I buy.
“At that moment I’ll finally understand that my whole middle-
class world is a lie, that I am just the same as those I despise, and
that the British class system was only created to manipulate us
into acting against our own interests.
“Then I’ll go back to the start of the store, buy a 60-inch telly, a
crate of Stella and a jumbo bag of turkey dinosaurs for the kids,
and begin really living.”
Bayon Pearnik®
Adam Parker,
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A. Nonnymouse
, Wordsmiths
Sharpless
, Photos
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Associate Deputy Editor
Dr. Safari,
Health Editor
Ian Velocipede,
Editor-at-Large
James Eckhart,
Editor-at-Larger
A. Fortiori, Dan Meat, Etta Moga,
Assistant Associate Deputy Editors
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Movie Reviewer
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Famous Journalist
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The Bayon Pearnik is an independent magazine dedicated to raising beer
money as well as encouraging debate over standards of taste, humor and
journalistic ethics. Published every month or so in Phnom Penh. Not to be taken
seriously or while driving or operating heavy machinery. Always consult your
doctor first because we're not responsible for what happens to you.
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“We accept anybody’s ravings—we often print them!”
free full-quality backups. If you want to look for specific photos
you’ve taken, you can do it right from Google Assistant. All you
have to do is ask.
Assistant plugs into the amazing search capabilities of Google
Photos, so you can ask to see almost anything. You can ask As-
sistant to pull up pictures of specific people, locations, and even
objects. Tap the image results to scroll through them immedi-
ately, or open Google Photos via the shortcut under your pics.
Just make sure you preface your request with something like “my
photos” to ensure you get images from your Google Photos li-
brary rather than images from a Google search.
Routines
Using Assistant to do the same few things all the time can be
tedious, but Routines might be able to help. This feature allows
you to connect multiple actions to a single command. There are
only a few pre-determined routine commands right now, but they
could still save you a lot of time.
To get started, open the Assistant settings and scroll down to
Routines. In this menu, Google provides six commands right
now: good morning, bedtime, I’m leaving (leaving home), I’m
home, let’s go to work, and let’s go home. Say any of those, and
you’ll trigger the associated Routine. Each one includes a few
customization options including smart home devices, travel info,
and audio playback. You can also modify the trigger phrase at the
top of the Routine settings page.
Take and share screenshots
You can capture screenshots on Android phones by holding the
power and volume buttons, but Assistant can do it, too. In fact, it
might be faster if you intend to share the screenshot right away.
Open Assistant and say, “take a screenshot” or “share a screen-
shot.”
It takes a moment to capture the screenshot, but you’ll get a pre-
view as soon as it’s done. Assistant then immediately brings up
the sharing interface so you can send the screen to a message or
upload it someplace. The screenshots taken via Assistant aren’t
saved locally, so you won’t end up with clutter from repeated
screenshot captures.
Listen to podcasts
Google has built a basic podcast interface into the Google app,
and the easiest way to access it is via Assistant. You might want
to listen to podcasts in this fashion because Google’s solution is
quick and easy. Just say, “listen to [podcast name]” to fire up the
latest episode. If you were in the middle of an episode, Assistant
picks up where you left off.
Your progress is not device-specific, either. You can start listen-
ing to a podcast on your phone, then tell Assistant on Google
Home you want to listen to the same podcast. Rather than start,
Google Assistant
12 awesome features you should be using
Google has had voice search features in Android for years, but
when Google Assistant rolled out on the Pixel in October 2016,
everything finally came together. You can now get Assistant on
all modern Android devices, and Google has already announced
new Assistant features at I/O 2018 that will make it even better
(okay, and maybe a little too real, in the case of Duplex).
It can be easy to miss the improvements if you don’t obsessively
keep an eye on the news, so here they are in one place: the 12
coolest new features in Google Assistant.
Sync connected smart home devices
Google Assistant supports numerous smart home devices, but
you might notice that devices you’ve just added to your account
don’t always work right away. That’s because Assistant isn’t
constantly scanning for new connections. You can give it a kick-
start.
After adding a new smart home device like a camera or thermo-
stat, open up Assis-
tant and say, “Sync
my devices.” Assis-
tant tells you it’s
syncing with your
connected accounts,
and a few seconds
later any newly
added devices will
appear in your list.
Make sure to add
them to rooms in
Assistant for full functionality.
Send daily info
Assistant is great for calling up little tidbits like the weather,
stock quotes, or even jokes. You don’t even have to ask every
time, though. You can have Assistant proactively send you cer-
tain bits of information as a daily update.
To configure a daily update, start by asking your question nor-
mallyask it for the weather, a dad joke, whatever. After Assis-
tant pulls up the content, you can follow up with “Send this to me
daily.” Assistant asks what time you want the update, and you’re
all set. To change or cancel a daily update, just say, “See my sub-
scriptions.”
Have Assistant remember things for you
Your squishy human brain is fallible, but Google Assistant can
remember things without fail. All you have to do is ask it. You
can tell Assistant to remember things just by saying “Remember
that [some piece of information].” You could tell Google to re-
member where you parked, what you did with the spare house
key, your high score in Tetris, or anything else. As a handy bo-
nus, Assistant also saves maps when you tell it where you
parked.
Later, you can ask Google to recall the information in various
ways. You can be direct, like asking Assistant “Where did I
park?” You can recall factoids you’ve saved with “What did I say
about [x]?” or “Remind me about [x].”
Search your Google Photos uploads
Google Photos is a fantastic backup solution for all your snap-
shots. Google offers unlimited storage of images and videos, pro-
vided you’re okay with a little compression, and Pixel owners get
again. Just note that none of this undoes the actions performed
when the command was first issued.
Shortcuts
There are dozens of services and apps integrated with Assistant
already, but some of them get preferential treatment. For exam-
ple, you can tell Google to control your Hue lights directly, but
lights connected through Homey require you to preface all com-
mands with “Tell Homey.” It can get a bit tedious, but shortcuts
are here to help.
To create a shortcut, go to the Assistant settings and open the
settings. Scroll down and tap on the Shortcuts optionThe shortcut
screen has a box for what you want to say, and one below that for
what you want Assistant to actually do in response.
In the top box, input whatever snappy shortcut phrase you want.
It tends to work better if you use the microphone button to speak
the shortcut. Assistant will sometimes put a sample command in
the bottom box, but you can change that to the command you
want. It has to be the full phrase you’d say to Assistant, including
the “Tell [X]” part if needed. Once your shortcut is saved, it’ll
work by voice and text.
Google Express shopping list
Google Assistant has always been able to add items to a shopping
list, but that list used to live solely in Google Keep. As such, it
was just a list. But Google recently changed the shopping list
functionality to plug directly into its Google Express delivery
service, which could be very useful if you use it.
All you have to do is say, “Add [item name] to my shopping
list.” It will show up in your Google Express shopping list in-
stantly. You can access that list in the Google Express app, or
simply say “Show me my shopping list.” That takes you to the
online version of your list, which can be shared with any of your
contacts. If you’re a Google Express subscriber, you can tap
“Shop your list” to get filtered search results from supported lo-
cal retailers. Add items to your cart, and you’re done.
over, it starts where you last listened on your phone.
Explore menu
Google used to hide all of Assistant’s features in a series of eso-
teric, buried menus. Now, there’s a much more sensible way to
find out what sort of cool things you can do with Assistant in the
Explore menu.
To access this menu, open Assistant and tap the blue drawer icon
in the upper right corner. Here, you can find all the services sup-
ported by Assistant broken down into categories like Social &
Communication, Education & Reference, Games & Fun, and
more. Each tile links to a full info page where you can see sample
commands and (if necessary) link your account. Bottom line:
Checking out the Explore menu is the easiest way to keep track
of newly added apps and services.
There are also some general Assistant command suggestion at the
top. You don’t even have to speak the suggestions, just tap the
bubble and they’ll be dropped right into Assistant.
Typing to Assistant
Google Assistant first appeared in the Allo app, and in that itera-
tion, you could input text to “chat” with the Google’s bot. But the
more powerful baked-in phone version of Assistant began its life
with only voice input. That’s fine when you’re in a situation
where you can talk to your phone, but voice dictation isn’t al-
ways appropriate. Well, you can type your questions and com-
mands, too.
To access the keyboard in Assistant, just long-press your home
button as you normally would. But instead of speaking right
away, tap the keyboard icon in the lower-left corner. Assistant
will expand to fill the screen, and you can begin typing. Assistant
will respond to all the same commands that you’d use in a voice-
dictation situation, and you’ll also find contextual suggestions
above the keyboard. And because these suggestions are part of
Assistant, they appear no matter which keyboard app you’re us-
ing.
Editable history
Google Assistant used to be a transient experiencewhatever
you said to Assistant would be lost to the ether as soon as you left
the Assistant UI. But now there’s a full history of your com-
mands, and you can edit them too.
To access your Assistant history, you need only drag up on the
overlay when Assistant pops up. This will drop you into a full-
screen interface that shows your recent queries. Scroll up to see
everything you’ve asked and how Assistant answered.
Editing is a snap, too. Long-press on a query, and it will be high-
lighted along with Assistant’s reply. From there, you can either
delete or edit it. Deleting will completely remove the query (and
associated activity) from the history. This is just like removing
something from your Google search history, so it won’t be used
to inform future search and Assistant predictions.
If you choose to edit a query, the text is dropped into the text
field along with an open keyboard. You can tap send to immedi-
ately repeat the command, or make some changes and send it
Well as the Chinese advance marches on, nothing changes and
everything changes. Nothing changes in that places are closing
left, right and centre, people are being moved out of rental ac-
commodation continually and the flood of Chinese workers con-
tinues. This means that almost everything we knew of this for-
mer beach side paradise has changed.
Beach Road Hotel closed as expected on the first of May and the
new owners wasted no time and had the sign down and had
taken off half the roof of the bar/restaurant area at the same time.
Some of the shops leased from the Hotel appear to have closed
but others, such as Ana Travel appear to have a good few
months left. That whole block is changing, with the GBT guest
house at the other end of the block having been demolished
pretty quickly. Many other sites further up the hill on that block
are in the process of being cleared. The Chinese restaurant that
occupied the former Ernies burgers has been cleared out as well.
Speaking of Chinese restaurants, walking around down Och-
heateal at night the aromas are apparently similar to walking
around a Chinese city. There is probably some really good Chi-
nese food available, however many Western residents report that
they are being refused service in these places.
Down at the Royal Group site at Ochheateal, the fence posts are
beginning to reappear so someone may well have
placated the power that is and things could get mov-
ing there in the future.Power outages continue to be
another bane of existence to thise living in places
without Generators, outages for north of 12 hours or 4
plus times per day are becoming commonplace. This
is often the straw that breaks the expats will to remain
in Sinoukville.
One wonders if the Competent Authorities monitor
the facebook groups. Recently people were complain-
ing that the fetid creek near the former LV nightclub
was completely full of rubbish including lots of foam
products. Lo and behold, within a relatively short
time, half the road was blocked by a digger that was
clearing the rubbish away. In a first for the town (and
possibly Cambodia), there was some rudimentary
form of traffic management taking place, allowing
traffic on each side to have a turn at getting past. It
was a concept that was not well understood by many
of the locals.
Out at Otres in the area behind Otres One that is reported to be a
massive Chinese retirement village under construction there are
now 17 tower cranes operating. Several mid-rise buildings ap-
pear to have had their roofs poured and fitout is commencing, it
is hard to count how many buildings are under construction
there now.
Speaking of Otres, JJ’s, home of great English breakfasts and
purveyors of pies, sausages, bacon and other smallgoods lost
their lease and they have moved from Mittapheap street in town
to Otres. The whole building appears to have been taken over by
the Chinese as JC’s hole in the wall bar is also closed.
Golden Lion Plaza has finally closed. Many of the structures
were stripped of materials to be used elsewhere and the former
Banana Joes Bar, was even burned down. The popular Quiz
from there has moved to Ochheateal Guesthouse on a Thursday.
This keeps the quiz crowd happy as apparently Patrick the quiz-
master of the Tuesday Quiz held there just stopped turning up.
Now that the Plaza is gone there is still Sihanoukville Square as
a place to drink, well it is if you like incredibly loud music. A
local commented that recently they walked around the square
and noted that about 80% of the patrons appeared to be from
China.
Meanwhile, Kampot is changing fast. There are now many
places serving beer after 11pm, even in wet season, including
the western run Green Boat floating bar, which is increasing in
popularity, especially with Sinoukville refugees. In addition
many western tourists appear to be preferring the former quiet
sleepy town over Sinoukville as there is no shortage of Barangs
wandering around town and many hotels remain close to full.
Many business owners appear to be taking advantage of the
changing demographics and have put their businesses up for
sale, most at some very very high prices, which would probably
relate more to the blue sky potential rather than the proven
profit.
This town is now awash with Sihanoukville Refugees, it appears
that Dave-ex is already ex his first job. Maybe he can apply at
Sweet Pallet Bar, over the other side of the river which has
morphed into a girlie bar, with riverfront views. The announce-
ment of this Hostess Bar was met with much derision from
some, including a representative of an NGO, Friends Interna-
tional who accused the bar of all sorts of bad things like prostitu-
tion and pimping and sexual exploitation, from her vast experi-
ence of these matters in far flung Siem Reap. Things got very
heated and in the end another representative of this NGO, went
online to say that this supposed spokesperson was a volunteer
and had been let go and did not speak for the organisation. We
did note that they only bothered to do this after the tirade by the
supposed volunteer backfired into threats of legal action.
Construction of a 40 level skyscraper on the large corner site on
the waterfront near the old bridge appears to be commencing. It
should cast a nice shadow from there to somewhere near the
Durian roundabout by the time it is constructed.
The final cremation of
Pub Street