struction at the time. The authorities and dam builders insisted that
didn’t happen, but a friend who’s been around for a very long time
sent one of his employees to check it out and he found a steady
stream of rock trucks going up to the dam through the night. They
normally didn’t work at night and definitely wouldn’t be driving up
there in the driving rain if it wasn’t an emergency.
Flooding in 2009 at my house which is 1.5 kilometers north of old
town and about 200 meters from the river was about 60cm above
ground level. My house was built in 2001 and all the other houses
built before the flood were built at or close to ground level, so it’s
safe to assume there was no collective memory of flooding there. In
other words, it was only the dam breech that made the difference.
Since 2009 almost everything has been built up on fill to raise it
above ground level.
Even with all that the real reason for the flood is topographical
which was then exacerbated with the help of poor planning and by
connected people with money. What I’m referring to is the bottle-
neck in the river in the south of town. You don’t really notice it
much from ground level, but when you see an arial view it’s surpris-
ing and unmistakable. Just a couple hundred meters down from the
old bridge the river necks down to about half of its previous width.
Arial photos from 80 years ago show it, but the part that extends into
the river is undeveloped and surely flooded in heavy rain, thus eas-
ing flooding upstream. More recently, in the last decade, the neck
has been extended with fill and a retaining wall built to keep the
river out. Somebody gained a lot of very valuable land in the process
of insuring that flooding would get worse in town just upriver.
Another impact of the deluge was the utter destruction of parts of
national highway 3, with extensive potholing in many other areas. A
short ways from the new bridge a full kilometer of road was turned
to mush, not a trace of pavement remaining. Four factors were in-
volved in the wreckage. The first is poor quality pavement. Most of
the nation’s highways are paved
with a thin layer of bitumen tar sandwiched between two layers
of gravel. It’s not a very smooth pavement, but it works fine for light
duty vehicles, at least for a few years. Asphalt, the next best alterna-
tive is far more expensive. Then add very heavy rain, which by itself
would only be a minor problem, you know, a few potholes here and
there. The third is very heavy trucks. When you add them, you’re in
for trouble. When a rock truck, for instance, is loaded to its design
limits it’s very hard on a low quality road. But then you have many
operators adding capacity to the rear and building up the sides, so it’s
carrying an additional 50% or so over capacity and very hard turns to
pure disaster. The final crushing blow to the highway was the clo-
S
oggy, waterlogged, muddy, almost like glue when my flip
flops would get stuck in the mud while checking out the
garden.
It was relentless, it just kept coming down in buckets. And
even when it wasn’t pissing down, it still kept raining enough to
keep everything in a state of ultimate wetness and the clouds keep-
ing us in a state of sun deprivation.
We got 335mm 13.5 inches - in six days and lots more before and
after for a total of 556mm or close to 22 inches for July as a whole.
Almost twice the average for July of 290mm.
Everyone says it was the worst they’d seen. It was easily the heavi-
est month since I started keeping a log two years ago. However,
without any real measure, it’s impossible to say if it’s any kind of
record.
It kept on pouring it on well until the middle of August with modest
rain every day until the 17th when a whopping 183mm nearly 7.5
inches fell in the 24 hours starting at 6am. Once again the worst
anyone had seen. I was out on the town on the night of the 17th and
I could hardly believe my eyes. It
was persistent and determined, it
just kept coming down in buck-
ets. After 10 years watching my
gauge after every rainfall I’ve got
a pretty good handle on how
much is coming down. We’d
already had some rain earlier in
the day so I was concerned my
gauge would overflow, it only
goes up to 5 inches or 125mm.
Got home after 1am and I made it
just in time, it was maxed out at
125. If it’d gone over I’d have no
idea by how much. Then between
1am and 7am we got another
58mm. There was the usual local
flooding after that one, but the
river remained in its banks in
town.
We do have a regulation govern-
ment weather station here, but it’s
been sitting idle for a long time,
so I’m the one with the stats since I’m Kampot’s official, unofficial
weatherman.
Next heaviest month after July was October of 2016 with 452…
update: at deadline August has already surpassed that record… and
there’s lots of rainy season yet to go. Getting back to July, there
was so much rain it overwhelmed a tree I’d previously thought was
a swamp lover. I’ve had two specimens of a small tree with bright
yellow-green leaves for some time. One was on high ground and
always had smallish leaves. I don’t water my big plants and trees
much in hot season, I can barely keep up the watering of my potted
plants. After that one had been around for years I planted another
one in a place that’s always wet; near my sink drain. The second
one grew very fast and had giant leaves that were a lot less yellow,
almost looked like a different plant. The latest deluge made it droop
and set it way back, but it’s still alive and will recover.
As usual there was a lot of flooding of properties along the river
closer to the dam. They gave ample warning and turned the sirens
on before opening some of the flood gates, but once again the dam
operators waited too long. If they had let the river flow when first
apprised of the torrential amount of rain expected, flooding up-
stream close to the dam would’ve been a lot less.
There was only local flooding in town, though certainly lots of it,
but the river rose only a bit over its banks in one spot. The big flood
of 2009 where the water extended 200 or 300 meters inland from
the river was a combination of high tide, storm surge and very
heavy rains, but mostly there was a breach in the dam under con-
into the oceans and they change temps very slowly, but it will even-
tually catch up. Many people, especially in the past had the mistaken
notion that warming meant every place getting a little warmer, but
the reality is that while most places will get a climate that doesn’t
deviate much from average most times, a good part of the excess
heat will go into extremes of drought, baking temps, floods and ma-
jor storms.
Feedback loops are accelerating warming. When the sun hits ice,
which is white, its rays are mostly reflected, when it melts it exposes
land or water which is a lot darker and retains heat. When permafrost
melts as a result of the arctic warming much more than temperate or
tropical zones, it releases large amounts of methane which is 80
times more potent a greenhouse gas than CO2. Methane in the at-
mosphere is in smaller amounts than CO2 and it dissipates in about
20 years as opposed to CO2 which takes 100 years, so it hasn’t been
considered as serious a problem. But if a large amount is released,
it’ll be a very big problem, indeed.
It didn’t have to be this way. A FB friend posted a news article from
1913 that spoke of the problem of burning fossil fuels and producing
CO2. Electric delivery trucks were common in America’s cities in
the 1920s. Back in the 70s or 80s a Pentagon study showed that if
the department spent $5 billion on solar installations for its remote
locations, the ramp up of production would bring the cost down to
competitive levels. Needless to say, it didn’t happen. In the late 70s a
study done by Exxon’s own scientists warned of the coming climate
change problem caused by burning fossil fuels. Instead of being a
corporate good citizen (imagine that!) publicly recognizing the prob-
lem and making the appropriate adaptations, they buried the report
and proceeded to spend tens of millions of dollars funding skeptics
and deniers.
Jimmy Carter declared, after the oil embargo of 1973, that a switch
to renewables was the moral equivalent to war. He tried to change
government direction and did his tiny little part by putting a solar
water heater on the White House roof. Then Reagan was elected, “It
was morning in America” and those solar panels were ugly and silly
and had to go. Republicans always insisted that solar had to pay its
own way without subsidies, but to this day Big Oil gets $16b a year
in subsidies. Bush Jr., best friend of big oil and demeanor of renew-
ables, hypocrite that he was, built a house in Texas that would make
an environmentalist proud. The temperature 30 meters below the
ground where his house is is always about 57°F 14C so he had a
set of pipes placed in the ground and installed a small pump to bring
up that cool air. Whether it’s hot or cold outside, that air helps to get
his house to room temperature and his utility bill is far less as a re-
sult. A very simple and not very expensive way to reduce burning of
fossil fuels.
sure of hwy 4 by flooding. Highway 4, the main route between the
capital and Sihanoukville, is used by a lot more trucks than 3, so
when they all shifted over to 3, the road was doomed.
So people ask why they don’t do it right the first time. Priorities,
priorities. Here is an illustration of what it was like to go from
Phnom Penh to Battambang, Cambodia’s second largest city, in
2002 on Highway 5. The original pavement, dating back to at least
the 1960s, was so eroded and pockmarked it was unusable by vehi-
cles larger than a motorbike. So picture this: pedestrians, bicyclists
and motos using the ancient roadway with cars and trucks driving
on the dirt shoulders. There was so little traffic that our shared taxi
driver crossed over, the few times it was possible and/or necessary
because of the poor condition of the
shoulder, to the opposite shoulder and
drove the wrong direction. When you
start from that point, you’ve gotta get
something in place, you can’t insist on
a more longlasting but far more ex-
pensive pavement. In fact, one of the
big guy’s best points is infrastructure
improvement.
Of course it wasn’t only the highway
that was damaged. A lot of the minor
roads that were paved with bitumen
turned into washboards capable of no
more than 10kph without a totally
jarring experience, well at least in my
tiny Tico; maybe one of those tank-
like Lexus SUVs could go a little
faster, but not much. Many of the dirt
roads have been turned into mud slur-
ries or small lakes or series of little
ponds. It’s going to be a long time
before they can repair the damage.
The city has been building better qual-
ity pavement in a lot of places, rang-
ing from low quality reinforced con-
crete on secondary streets and rural
places, to high quality where truck traffic is heavy. As long as a
low quality concrete road has only an occasional truck using it, it
could last a long time even if its surface gets rough through erosion.
It’s going to be a long time before the damage can be repaired.
Talking about the weather, I’ve got to bring up the challenge to the
earth that supersedes all other problems: climate change. I’m not
saying the recent deluge had anything to do with global warming;
we are prone to great storms, besides we are missing records for
many years.
It certainly might’ve been a factor, but if true, I don’t have the tech-
nical expertise to confirm that. It does stand to reason though since
warmer air holds more moisture, so when it really does come down,
the amounts are likely to be greater. Many scientific studies lately
have linked climate change to specific storms.
We’ve now experienced 400 months in a row of temperatures
higher than the 20th century average. Hasn’t been one below aver-
age since the mid 80s. Concentrations of CO2 in the atmosphere
have grown from 280ppm before the industrial revolution to 410
today. The last time CO2 was that high millions of years ago the
temperature was 3°C higher than today. To date world temperature
has risen only about 1°C and yet there’ve been havoc-causing
storms and extremely high temperatures recently. The highest tem-
perature ever reported on earth, about 54°C or 129°F, recently hap-
pened in a town in south Pakistan. (There’s a higher temp from
Death Valley, 56C, from 1922, but that’s been discredited.) Portu-
gal just had a temp of 47C 117F and Sweden above the arctic
circle recently had a temp of 30° and forest fires so you can just
imagine the incredible difficulty of the human race surviving a
planet warmed by 3°.
And in more bad news, meteorologists are now saying we’ve actu-
ally, over the last decade or so, been going through a natural cycle
that should’ve brought cooling and the naturally warmer cycle is
coming so if true, a lot more records are about to be broken.
The reason the air hasn’t risen by is that most warming has gone
dear, childhood sweetheart, Agatha, on Saturday, 23 June, and decided to
spend the evening of Friday, 15 June, in the quiet, relaxing comfort of his
own home - with a male deer.
The 'animal' in question was, in fact, a child's plastic inflatable toy, but it
suited Roger's agenda perfectly!
Accounts differ on what happened that evening and into the early hours
of Saturday - and in which order - but the several eyewitnesses who had
got wind of Roger's ghastly intentions, and were peering through gaps in
his curtains, all agreed on one thing: it was no night to be an inflatable
deer!
One of Roger's ex-friends who was there, Steve Orgasmatron, said:
"Fair enough. It's his Stag Night. He can do whatever he wants. And I
mean whatever he wants!"
Another man who was looking through the curtains, John Scrote,
laughed:
"It was a bit unconventional, I suppose, but it takes all sorts - even
sickos!"
Teenage Dickhead's Street Cred Destroyed After Man Tells Him
"Fuck Off, Knobhead!"
The feelings of a teenager were left in tatters last night, when a man out-
side an off-licence told the lad, in no uncertain terms:
"Fuck off, knobhead!"
The incident happened outside 'Beero Beers' in Romford, Essex, as bully
David 'Ammo' Hamilton and his 15-strong gang of hooded hoodlums
slouched around the shop frontage, looking for mischief, and acting anti-
socially to anyone that came in or out of the shop.
Earlier victims had included a 12-year-old boy - there to buy some crisps
- whose money Ammo had 'borrowed', two 14-year-old girls who had
been called 'slags', 'sluts' and 'whores', as a consequence of being pretty,
and local loner, Timmy Tompkins, whose bicycle tyres were let down by
Ammo and his gang, amid great mirth.
When bricklayer Terry Smith turned up to buy a case of beer for a night-
in he had planned with two mates, Ammo stood in the builder's way.
Terry politely asked him to move, and sniggering could be heard from the
bullies. Terry asked again. Ammo told him, "Say 'please'!", so Terry did.
Then, Ammo said "Pretty please."
Terry looked at Ammo for a few seconds, and then he glanced round the
circle of bullies. The sniggering ceased. A sinister sense of dread came
over the youths, as they realised that they may have bitten off more than
they could chew with this one. Terry grabbed Ammo's ear, and told him:
"Fuck off, knobhead!"
Ammo's underpants started to get wet. A big, warm, dark patch appeared
on his jeans. Terry looked down and smiled. Laughter broke out amongst
the bullies. Ammo picked his bike up off the floor, and got out of there as
fast as he could. He's staying in to watch telly from now on.
Infestation of Rees-Moggs to be fumigated
The House of Commons is to be fumigated after a Rees-Mogg was dis-
covered in the main chamber. Although only one of the insectoids was
found, it is thought to be part of a breeding pair.
Rees-Moggs are a member of the genus Privilegius Conservatus, and are
often raised in the marshy school-lands around Slough. The Rees-Mogg
feeds on small insects and poor people . From there, they spread far and
wide, and have been spotted throughout the British Isles.
In appearance, they seem unthreatening, and they have a similar body
shape to the praying mantis. They are actually related to the BoJo and the
Gove slime monster, and can spew poisonous bile at will.
The Rees-Mogg preys on the poor and the vulnerable, dazzling them with
displays of apparent eloquence. However, the dangerous creature is only
interested in its own well-being, and will stop at nothing to protect its
interests. It has a dislike of foreign creatures and reproduces ferociously.
Rentakill have confirmed that they sent two men armed with pesticide to
the Houses of Parliament, which is currently closed for the summer.
Obama set the country in the right direction, but only in general
terms. He didn’t give climate change the attention it deserved. Now
we have Trump appointing deniers all through his government and
recently proposing that utilities be required, forced, to use coal. But
use of coal is slowly dying of its own accord. Every year US produc-
tion and consumption goes down, partly because in many cases it’s
now cheaper to build new solar and wind than it is to burn coal in an
existing plant. He also opened up large expanses of coastline to off-
Trump Combover Now UK's Most Requested Style At Hairdress-
ing Salons
There may have been protests in London and around the UK, but US
President Donald Trump also has his admirers, as has been proven at
hairdressing salons up and down the country, with haircuttists saying
that the 'Trump combover' is the style that the vast majority of fashion-
conscious Brits are asking for!
Trump, 72, visited the UK last month to meet the Queen and Prime
Minister Theresa May before going on to complete the most important
part of his trip in Scotland, where he played golf. A 20-foot balloon of
a baby in a diaper in the image of Trump, was flown in the London sky
to show the President what a section of the populace thought of him,
but others were quick to give him their support.
Many say that the UK, itself, would benefit from having a leader like
Mr Trump, but it's possible these people, as well as not knowing any-
thing at all about politics, do not know the meaning of the word
'megalomaniac', or, indeed, which day of the week it is.
The main effect the President has had on his UK fans is with regard to
his hairstyle. Queues formed early on Saturday at hundreds of hair-
dressing salons all over the country, with a whopping percentage of
customers asking for "a Donald Trump".
Salon owner Jenny Boggins, whose business is in London, said:
"He's a very distinctive man, and it's a very distinctive style. We're a
business, and happy to oblige."
Her assistant, Marie, 18, asked:
"Does 'distinctive' mean 'ridiculous'?"
Woman Highly Unimpressed With The Man She Was Stalking
34-year-old Sharon Brooks, a violent, emotionally-disturbed, hyperac-
tive, obsessive-compulsive, delusional, narcissistic nymphomaniac
with a history of mental illness and a criminal record longer than a
'coast-to-coast' railroad, said that she was highly unimpressed with a
man that she had been stalking for the previous 2 weeks.
"I couldn't believe just how fucking boring his life was," Sharon said in
reference to 39-year-old David Moore, a man she was originally infatu-
ated with, but who she eventually discovered to be more 'dull' than the
kitchen knife she used to stab her last boyfriend with.
"He wakes up every morning and spends at least 50 minutes in the
bathroom, which leads me to believe he's constipated," she stated.
When asked more about David's daily routine, Sharon explained that
he goes to work for an insurance company on Monday through Friday,
comes home at exactly the same time, takes a nap, eats a microwavable
dinner, takes another 50-minute shit, and then watches really lame TV
shows for 3 hours before going back to sleep.
"I became so bored watching him that I almost fell out of the tree in his
back yard," Sharon told lead reporter, Mike Temples.
"And his weekends are even worse," she continued. "He comes home
on Friday and drinks cheap beer until he falls flat on his face. When he
wakes up around 1:00pm on Saturday afternoon, he goes to the gas
station, buys more beer, and does the exact same thing! On Sundays,
he basically just stumbles around trying to do his laundry."
Sharon went on to explain that she has decided to give up on men com-
pletely.
"I was really disappointed by this entire experience. After all the en-
ergy and effort I put into it, I basically got nothing in return. At one
point, I even left a love letter on the windshield of his car describing all
the erotic and intensely sexual things I wanted to do to him. He read it,
yawned, and then kept drinking beer. What a jerk!"
Man's Stag Night Was "Unconventional"
A man who was due to be married in a week's time, and planned to
celebrate his last few days of 'freedom' in a truly celebratory way,
made some very strange arrangements for his Stag Night, it has been
claimed.
Roger Stagg, a factory worker from Mansfield, was due to marry his
shore drilling, but out of the many leases offered only 1% have been
purchased.
China, India and many other countries including Cambodia are still
building new coal plants, when solar and wind are often cheaper.
Not very smart. We could’ve been almost completely transitioned to
a sustainable and far cleaner world by now. Instead we’re in a race
against time to stop climate change before we roast our planet.
B
ack from my first month off in years. Much thanks
to the Evil Publisher for giving this intrepid, ex-
hausted and hardworking investigator some time to relax and
go to bars without having to pay attention to where I am or how
much my drink cost The month
off was very much appreciated.
However, here I am back to busi-
ness and willing to show my grati-
tude by starting the page off with
SKIRTS!!! The bar has officially
moved down the street to #3 on St.
174 just a bit in from Norodom
and just before the Happy Dumrei
if you are coming from St. 51. It
has also merged with and been
subsumed by th
e Pubas another part of the Evil
Publisher’s convoluted commer-
cial empire. Same great food from
the Pub, same good times from
Skirts. Actually, I have to say that
I really like the new digs, not as
much space as the old but clean
and bright with the cutest bar cou-
ple in PP. There are a few Happy
Hour specials running - from 10
am 4 pm, draft is USD .75; from
11 pm 1 am, beers are USD 1.
Regular prices are very reasonable
with most spirits running at $2-3,
most beers $2.5-3 and drafts at
$1.25. The new Pub (I guess this
means I don’t have to say “Skirts”
any more) is open from 10 am
until 3 am (or however much later
you can convince the publican to
stay open).
Another big move is Cyrcee bar.
Our favourite secret bar (although
given the next review, I probably should not be playing favour-
ites) has moved around the corner to No 182 St. 130. It still
has the same unique and friendly service in a very familiar
looking set up. The Pub Page had not been for a while and
decided to check out the new digs with my faithful bodyguard/
sherpa (I promised not to name him for purposes of this re-
view) and we were quite pleased with the new digs. Service
was quick and friendly, and my sherpa was almost persuaded to
stay behind and drop his load. Generally, spirits are USD 3.5,
beer cans are $2.5-3 and beer bottles are $3.5-4. Lady drinks
are $3.5.
Moving on to a (relatively) new establishment Secrets bar on
St. 136. It has been going a couple of months and is still evolv-
ing a bit based on the few times, the Pub Page has dropped by.
Secrets is quite a bit different than most bars in the area the
valet parking alone should be a clue. There is a large bar, lot of
booths and what appears to be a large investment in lights and
sound system. The place is very spacious and looks much
more like a night club on the inside. It is set for live music but
on the nights, I dropped by, the bar was just playing recorded
tunes synced to videos on the big screen TVs. Music was good
each time and at a very reasonable level so that we could talk
around the table and my fellow explorers of the unknown could
chat up some of the very friendly staff and other patrons (a few of
whom we recognized as being staff at other local establishments).
Clearly a lot of time and money was spent on this place seri-
ously check out the Men’s bath-
room. One warning it is not
priced to appeal to the people
looking for USD 1 drafts in
fact their drafts are USD 4 or 5
per glass. Bottled beers and
most spirits range between $4.5
-6 with many spirits available
by the bottle. Deep sigh mix-
ers are extra (the Pub Page
never lights that). The manager
told me that it is open 7:30 pm
3 am; although the website
says 4 am closing guess
someone will have to test this…
Dropped by Tiger on St 136 a
couple of times. Major renova-
tions seem to have made the
place gaudier than ever but ac-
tually a lot more comfortable
and spacious. Music was still
deafening on each occasion.
Seems like they have bulked up
on staff and customers that
wanted to be able to communi-
cate seemed to hang out on the
patio. Happy hours are 7 am
7 pm with drafts at USD .75,
most cans at $1.5 and selected
spirits at $2.5. Normal prices
are $2.5 for beer can, $4 for
beer bottles and most spirits at
$4 and up. It was busy on one
of the nights I dropped by and
dead on the other basically
par for the course on St 136 these days. Overall, not really my
cup of tea (by now, most probably know I prefer music at a more
reasonable volume at hostess bars), but there are things to appeal
to all sorts here.
Almost forgot – GSM update. Much to no one’s surprise there are
big signs advertising that rents have been halved. That may be
what the place needed, as a few new places were in the process of
opening up over the last month. There seem to be a lot of empty
units still and it is not clear that any place is doing even a reason-
able fraction of the business Home Food and Martini are pushing
through Going to hold off on the report a bit to see if more places
open up.
That is it for this month. Thank you once again for the unpaid
holiday leave, Mr. Evil Publisher sir.
Stung Houv district
Sihanoukville.
A committee heard
their horrific proposal
including all their
safety guidelines
which will evaporate
if the plant is ap-
proved.
Why not build it in
China is an overriding
question as most of
In a surprise move
Chinese investors had
the sheer gall to pro-
pose a toxic waste
disposal plant in
The CAMBODIADREARY
Volume 05 Issue 09 Wednesday, September 1, 20018 0000
Penal Code De-
fended, Not
Suspects
BY SAL UT
THE CAMBODIA DREARY
Spokespeople raced to de-
fend the penal code after
accusations that it had more
holes than a cyclo-driver's
shirt.
In particular, it was
stressed that lawyers would
be freed from the burden of
spending pre-trial detention
with suspects. Instead, sus-
pects would have access to
counsel every seventh
Thursday of the month.
"This should free prosecu-
tors from the shackles of
evidence when sentencing
those guilty of willful and
intransigent innocence de-
spite being faced with
mounting political capital"
The government also de-
fended increased phone tap-
ping, monitoring, and search
provisions, saying that they
were in line with those in
other countries such as
America, the US, and the
States; critics, however,
have already suggested that
leaving the judiciary in sole
charge of the implementa-
tion is akin to leaving a
Catholic priest in sole
charge of the KY
Continued on page 17
BY CHOY MAI
THE CAMBODIA DREARY
the waste will come
from there.
Lack of environ-
mental safeguards in
the kingdom is proba-
bly the answer.
One official who
spoke on condition of
anonymity said, “Why
do they want to build
a toxic waste plant?
They seem to have
made Sihanoukville a
toxic waste dump
already so why do
they need a second
one.”
One wag suggested
that the recently an-
nounced Wisney
World could probably
fill in and do the same
job if the proposal
failed Continued on
page 17
About Cambodia
Report: Civil Servants need
to 'get out more'
Page 17
Spokesperson: country
committed to a free
media; reporters who
suggest otherwise to be
prosecuted.
Page 17
Comedian joins Funcinpec
meeting instead of
prince. Did anybody
notice?
Page 17
Cleared Ratanakiri forests
to give up smoking for
healthier profits.
Page 17
Semicolon: the period for
the new millennia
BY RAY BIDLOONY
DISASSOCIATED PRESS
PHNOM PENH - Dismay was
felt this month as FUNCINPEC
failed in its bid to become one of
the seven wonders of the modern
world.
The party, long ignored by vot-
ers, did not gain one seat in the
general election. Bas reliefs
cloaking the walls and showing
mystical naked apsaras dancing
with former leaders in foreign
cities have had little swayover
a disenchanted public.
Supporters have responded by
claiming that the voting has been
biased and belittling. "It is un-
fair to focus on policies, per-
formance, and personalities
while at the same time ignoring
the real issue for the voters we
are the aristocracy," said a press
statement issued by both of
them.
Meanwhile party members
are refusing appointments in
some irrelevant comittee and
court cases seem to be wait-
ing in the wings as disputes
envelop the heierarcy.
Next will probably be who
will sell off their third party
headquarters Continued on
page 17
This is a work of fiction and satire any semblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental
Toxic Plant
for Sihanouk-
ville
FUCINPEC plows head on into oblivion
More toxic sludge builds up in Sinoville. Spreading throughout town with the never ending torrential downpours. Meanwhile many
people are experiencing no water supply as the system cannot cope with the expanding population and disruption to pipes by ram-
pant construction. Infrastructure is unable to cope so expect sewage problems along with crumbling roads.
Boris Johnson refuses to
apologise for shoving a letter
into Muslim woman’s face
The former foreign secretary stands
by his actions and insists that if the
woman wasn’t dressed like a letter-
box then he wouldn’t have tried to
post a letter into her head.
Khadija Qidwai has just finished a
shopping trip to Tesco and was wait-
ing for the bus home when Boris
Johnson walked up to her and pushed
a large white envelope into her eyes.
Although Khadija screamed and tried
to move away Mr Johnson continued
to ram the letter through her veil
while muttering, ‘Bloody silly thing’.
Fortunately, the incident soon ended when a passerby saw what
was going on and wrestled Johnson to the ground.
Ms Qidwai reported the incident to the police, saying in her state-
ment that a fat vagrant had tried to blind her.
However, further investigations revealed that it was, in fact, Boris
Johnson attempting to post off his annual Beano subscription.
“It bloody well wasn’t my fault!” Johnson insists. “How was I to
know that this young Muslim woman dressed in black and hold-
ing two Tesco carrier bags wasn’t a good old-fashioned red post
box?”
This isn’t the first time Boris has made a mistake like this.
Earlier this year he threw a banana skin into the mouth of a par-
liamentary assistant after stepping on their foot; they yelled in
pain and he assumed they were a pedal bin.
Then there was the rather embarrassing occasion he mistook the
Prime Minister’s striped dress for some steps and tried to walk up
her.
And the less said about the time he thought a white-capped Mo
Farah was a pint of Guinness the better.
“Now look,” said Johnson. “People are free to dress as they like.
But if you refuse to dress like me and have the audacity to belong
to a culture I’m too stupid and insensitive to understand then
you’re begging for me to abuse you in some way.
“It’s not my fault.”
350 US newspapers look for polite ways to call
Trump a dick
In a mass protest, coordinated by the Boston Globe, hundreds of
God greets Aretha Franklin with more than a little
Respect
Aretha Franklin was greeted at the pearly gates in the way the
Queen of Soul should.
The singer has passed away at the age of 76, leaving behind a
body of work spanning seven decades and 20 US number one
hits.
Watching Aretha strut past, St. Peter commented “that’s that lady
from The Blues Brothers. I loved her in that.”
“Her cameo in Blues Brothers 2000 even made me resent the rest
of that film a little less.
Dressed in his best suit, a nervous God said, “I’ve actuallybeen
really nervous to meet this incredible woman. And that doesn’t
happen for just anyone.
“When she hit those big notes in (You Make Me Feel Like) A
Natural Woman, I get goosebumps. Which is quite hard to do
when you’re an omnipotent deity without a traditional human
form – that’s how good she is.
“And when she sang Say A little Prayer For You, that was just
the best prayer ever, and trust me, I’ve heard some belters in my
time.
“When she sang, believe me, I paid attention, as did everybody
else. You couldn’t not, really. What a voice, what a spirit. No
wonder she was seen as such a powerful symbol to the black
community in the 60s through to today.
“I was so proud to see her win an award from Maritn Luther
King – he told me he can’t wait to see her again.
“Anyway, I don’t want to make this about me but I was on
bloody good form the day I created her.”
The Bayon Pearnik is never one to look a gifthorse in
the mouth. Send us your product and we’ll write
something REALLY good about it. Nothing is too big,
too small, too cheap or too expensive. Of course, you
won’t get it back, but you will receive a free write-up
in Cambodia’s best read magazine.
For more details, E-mail bp@forum.org.kh
struction. All of which is an improvement on how our current
Brexit work is going, so I offered him a job immediately.’ said
Theresa May.
Experts suggest that somebody willing to steal a plane in a spur
of the moment decision, do loops in it, and then slam it into the
ground, is perfect for steering Britain out of the EU, and likely to
come up with a much more coherent plan than the current gov-
ernment.
‘Assuming he survived the crash he can start work on Monday
and I’m sure he’ll show us all a thing or two about forward plan-
ning and a coherent approach with a clear end goal in mind,’
continued Mrs May.
‘Although even if he died, which is entirely likely, he’ll still
probably do a better job than me.’
news outlets in America penned similar editorials condemning
Donald Trump’s persistent attack on the media and tried to find
less obvious ways to label him a petulant wanker.
At the Philadelphia Enquirer, senior editor Simon Williams said
that the process he went through would have been the same for
his colleagues across the nation.
He explained, “We all start off the same way. You write a rough
draft explaining that only tinpot dictators try to blame the press
for their fuck-ups and that attacking us will neither change the
way we cover the news nor make Donald Trump competent.
“You also point out that it’s not our fault the president is a lech-
erous man-child who is so spoilt he can’t accept anything that
isn’t nauseating sycophancy.
“That’s the core argument but then you have to make it family
friendly. So you edit and you use euphemisms. Fiery means er-
ratic. Thin-skinned means whiny little bitch. Populist means rac-
ist. Down to earth means stupid.
“Only trusts his inner circle means he probably fucked his daugh-
ter. And so on.
“Look. We would rather cover actual news stories, but that idiot
spends every rally trying to set his army of mouth-breathers on
us. It’s scary. None of them could name a single African city but
those guys can shoot.”
The US Senate also passed a resolution stating that the press was
not the enemy of the people. The precise wording was subject to
tense late-night debates.
In the end, all Senators agreed that the appropriate term to de-
scribe Donald Trump was “retarded thimble-dick”.
Burqas apparently biggest issue facing family of
twats from Nantwich
ISLAMIC women’s clothing is somehow having a terrible effect
on a white, mostly atheist family in Cheshire.
The Sheridan family are angry and upset about a small number of
Muslim women wearing burqas, particularly when reminded by
politicians and the media.
Mum Donna said: “You could wear a burqa to rob banks. It im-
mediately draws attention to you and there are probably better
disguises, but I can’t sleep at night for thinking about it.
“As a family we’ve got our own worries. It’s hard making ends
meet and our son Mark can’t find a job after university, but these
women wearing strange outfits in other places are making our
lives hell.
“I worry that people might think they’re post boxes and put let-
ters through the eye slot so they don’t get delivered. That’s never
actually happened, but what if it was your car insurance?”
Daughter Jennifer said: “If everyone wore burqas I wouldn’t
know if I was talking to my mum, a teacher or a paedophile. My
GCSEs would be bound to suffer.”
Dad Steve Sheridan agreed: “It just doesn’t feel like your own
country anymore when women aren’t showing plenty of flabby
midriff in ill-advised lycra tops.
“We’re not racist because we worry about all sorts of religious
clothing. I’m always fretting about vicars getting dangerously hot
under their big cassocks.”
Man who crashed stolen plane appointed head of
Brexit strategy
A man who closed a Seattle airport by stealing a plane, which he
later crashed, has been appointed as the new head of Brexit strat-
egy due to his ‘forward thinking approach’.
The unnamed airline employee made an ‘unauthorised takeoff’
late on Friday, before flying around erratically and then crashing
into an island. An almost perfect metaphor for Brexit.
‘The flight path apparently had no clear aim in mind, doubled
back on itself several times, and ultimately ended in fiery de-
Bayon Pearnik®
Adam Parker,
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief
A. Nonnymouse
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Rich, Well-Connected Friends of Publisher
Jeff Elson,
Associate Deputy Editor
Dr. Safari,
Health Editor
Ian Velocipede,
Editor-at-Large
James Eckhart,
Editor-at-Larger
A. Fortiori, Dan Meat, Etta Moga,
Assistant Associate Deputy Editors
Cletus J. “Bubba” Huckabee, Jr.,
Movie Reviewer
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Famous Journalist
Autmean Loy, Prakhai Thuich, Som Muiroi,
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Translators
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money as well as encouraging debate over standards of taste, humor and
journalistic ethics. Published every month or so in Phnom Penh. Not to be taken
seriously or while driving or operating heavy machinery. Always consult your
doctor first because we're not responsible for what happens to you.
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“We accept anybody’s ravings—we often print them!”
Windows 8.1 or 10
Boot normally. When you get to the login screen (which comes
before the desktop), click the power button in the lower-right
corner of the screen. While holding down Shift on your key-
board, click Restart and then release Shift.
After the reboot, you'll come to a blue help screen with several
options. In Windows 8.1 select Troubleshoot > Advanced options
> Startup Settings > Restart. For Windows 10 as of version
1803, select Troubleshoot > Advanced options > See more recov-
ery options > Startup Settings > Restart. The See more recovery
options link is below the other tiles you
see on the screen.
When the computer reboots and the
Startup Settings menu appears, press 4 for
Safe Mode. Once you've booted into Safe
Mode, right-click the taskbar and select
Task Manager. When the Task Manager
opens click More details in the lower left
corner, and then in the larger Task Man-
ager window click the Startup tab.
You can tell which autoloaders are en-
abled by reading the "Status" column.
Note which ones are enabled so that you
can return to the original configuration if
need be. Then single-click each enabled
program and select Disabled in the lower-
right corner.
Once they’re disabled
When you’re done, reboot to get out of
Safe Mode. If your initial problem has
gone away, bring up the Startup tab again
in Task Manager and experiment. Enable
and disable autoloaders, and reboot, until you find the culprit.
Your PC boots, gets to the Windows
desktop, then freezes. Now what?
It might take some sleuthing to find out what's
freezing up your computer, but these tips will help.
Cara Carlson can boot her computer just fine…until she gets to
the Windows desktop. Then it freezes and won’t respond to key-
board or mouse.
A lot of programs and drivers load into Windows when you boot.
One of them apparently doesn’t play well with others. The trick
is to discover and then eliminate the problem
program.
But how can you do that if Windows freezes
before you can do anything with it?
[ Further reading: Our best Windows 10 tricks,
tips and tweaks ]
The trick is to boot Windows into Safe Mode,
which avoids potential problems by skipping the
autoloading programs and all but the most basic
drivers. Once there, you should be able to disable
all of your enabled autoloading programs. How
this is done depends on your version of Win-
dows.
Windows 7
Boot the computer and immediately start press-
ing and releasing F8 over and over again. Instead
of the Windows login screen, you should get
the Advanced Boot Options menu. Select Safe
Mode.
Once you’ve booted into Safe Mode,
click Start, type msconfig, and press Enter to
bring up the System Configuration program.
Click the Startup tab.
Each item has a checkbox. The ones that are
checked are enabled. Make a note of which ones
are enabled so that you can go back to them later
if need be. Then uncheck them all.
Click the Advanced tab.
Click the Settings button under Startup and Recovery (as op-
posed to the dialog box’s other two Settings buttons).
Uncheck Automatically restart.
You might also want to check Write an event to the system log if
it’s not already checked.
System Properties windows in Windows 10.
From now on, your system
won’t simply reboot when it
can’t keep going. Assuming
you’re not yet running Win-
dows 10, you’ll get a blue
screen filled with intimidating
text. Microsoft calls this a
Stop Error, but everyone else
prefers a more descriptive
term: The Blue Screen of
Death (BSoD).
With all that text on the
screen, what should you look
at? First and foremost, the
second paragraph on the
screen, which will be in all
caps. Make a note of that. Also
note the “Technical informa-
tion” at the bottom of the
screen. But that second para-
graph near the top contains the most useful clues.
For Windows 10, Microsoft redesigned the
BSoD to make it less frightening. I like to
call this new version the Blue Face of
Death (although it’s really more of a Cyan
Face of Death). Let’s see if that nickname
catches on.
Whatever you call it, you can’t miss the
needed clue. The on-screen words pretty
much tell you what to look for.
Once you reboot, use your favorite search
engine to find what the Internet says about
this particular error. In all likelihood, it will
be a bad driver, which can be easily re-
placed with a download from the manufac-
turer's website.
But it could be something more difficult,
such as defective RAM. I recommend
MemTest86 for figuring out this problem.
(After you find the culprit, you’ll have to boot into Safe Mode
again to disable it.) Consider whether you need this type of pro-
gramor, if you do, whether you should switch to a competitor.
If the problem persists, you should take a good look at your driv-
ers.
When your computer reboots itself
over and over again
Something is rotten in the state of
your Windows PC. Here's how to
deal with a computer that keeps re-
booting.
“Is there anything I can change…to fix this?
Yes and maybe. There’s a setting you can
change that will give you at least a hint of the
problem. But the hard part starts after you get
that hint.
So let’s get you to a point where your crashes
contain some useful information.
Go to the Search tool in your version of Win-
dows, type sysdm.cpl, and select the program of the same name.
Well this has to be one of the wettest wet seasons in memory.
The rain in Sihanoukville and more so Kampot is nearly daily
and torrential. This has led to Route 4 being cut off yet again
and minor flooding in Kampot more than once. The closing of
route 4 is putting more and more traffic on routes 41 and 3.
Route 3 from the junction of route 41 is a complete mess.
There are reports that the journey from Kampot to PP now can
take nearly 5 hours and from Sihanoukville, either via route 4
or via Kampot can take up to 8 hours. Some taxi drivers are
now reportedly asking extra money due to the road conditions.
In Sihanoukville, Beach Road Hotel has been pulled down, so
to the businesses to the front of it, including those that were
fighting the landlord for compensation. Ana Travel has moved
down the road closer to the Golden Lions Roundabout. With
Utopia being pulled down and the Square gone, that is a large
building site, with just the now Chinese owned Coolabah Hotel
being the remaining building in the middle of a massive devel-
opment site. Most of the other buildings on that large block
have been pulled down as well. Things will get crazy once the
rebuilding starts in this large block.
The publisher of this magazine recently went down to Sionuk-
ville for the first time in a couple of months and was shocked
by the changes, vowing to never return. This is someone who
has made nearly monthly trips for two decades and had a good
network of friends and business. He had trouble finding both
accommodation and a western place to drink. Khmers are also
having trouble finding good and reasonably priced Khmer res-
taurants in which to eat in the town centre as most have sold
out to the Chinese.
One long time expat took a drive from Independence beach to
the Lions roundabout via Sokha and counted 18 high rise build-
ings under construction in just that strip. This does not count all
the other high rises under construction or completed elsewhere
in the city. A drive up Polawaystreet from Otres reveals 17
tower cranes visible from that one point. There is nothing fun
about living in a construction site and there are fewer and
fewer Western Expats doing that. One wonders just how many
tower cranes there are in Sihanoukville and Otres, probably
more than the nearly 50 Casinos that now operate in the second
largest casino destination in the world. At the current rate of
growth it may well surpass Las Vegas as the Casino capital of
the world in terms on number of casinos within 3 years.
It appears that the dormant Pearl City (located behind Sokha
resort), which was built about a decade ago and has been va-
cant ever since is springing to life. Chinese have been seen
living in the townhouses and the central market in that location
appears to be renamed and getting ready to finally open. Lots
of rumours abound as ever. Rumour is that BS Holiday Villas
has been sold and that much of Otres Village has been sold, we
will await better sources before confirming this.
Water continues to be an issue in Siihanoukvliie and many
residents are without it unless they have a well. The same thing
is beginning to occur in Kampot as well, where resident num-
bers have swelled dramatically. The irony of having so much
rain and so little running water is not lost on most.
Every society can be considered to
have the good, the bad and the ugly.
We have not seen much good from the
new Sino overlords but a fair bit of the
bad and the ugly. Many Chinese orien-
tated brothels have sprung up in vari-
ous parts of town catering to their own
select crowd. Competition must be
heating up as there was advertising on
cars and flyers were being distributed.
On flyer was left on the ground and
garnered with publicity. The competent
authorities suddenly realised what was
happening in front of them and raided
some and closed down others, with
statements about the moral fibre of the
country being at risk. The have also
raided a few large scale drug dens as
well.
The police continue to crackdown on
Chinese drivers without licences. This
month more than fifty cars have been
impounded including the Bentley pic-
tured.
Must be a wonderful earner for the
cops. But atleast they are leaving west-
erners alone ( not that there are many left to stop!.)
Kampot is beginning to resemble Sihanoukville of a decade
ago and also recently, with the number of unhinged people
wandering around and the number of Westerner deaths and
suicides. Sihanoukville had three distinct area, Victory Hill,
Town and Ochheateal Beach and was much larger so the peo-
ple off their medications were spread about, however Kampot
town is far more concentrated and there is a far higher number
per square metre than before. The Chinese takeover of Sinouk-
ville has changed the expat face of Kampot and many of the
“originals” are unhappy about this change. The Bundy Bar al-
ready appears to be a meeting place for the Sinoukville refu-
gees.