heights only to come crashing down to a small fraction of its
peak. There is massive debt in the Chinese economy so if, as
many people are predicting, it crashes, that free flowing Chinese
money will come to an abrupt halt. And it isn’t just the Chinese
economy under threat, many countries, rich and poor, including
the US are also in a vulnerable state. Of course, I’ve been wrong
before, so maybe it will go up forever.
In other related news construction of our new passenger port has
been delayed again, now it’s supposedly before the end year
when construction starts. The port now pegged at $10 mil is pro-
jected to serve an average 1000 people per day. Maybe they’re
being over optimistic and/or don’t really have it together and
they’re just stalling. For sure it would be nice to be able to get to
Vietnam, Sihanoukville, Koh Kong and Thai islands from here
by boat.
The first time I traveled between Koh Kong and Sihanoukville in
2002, there was no road, or rather it was there but parts of it had
devolved into a single lane dirt track. At first the thought of going
by water seemed cool, but the reality was way different. The boat
carrying about fifty people was crowded, stuffy and noisy so a
bunch of us rode on the roof in the hot sun for several hours with
some of the boat’s exhaust blowing our way. It was better than
inside, and really, it would be great to have a comfortable seago-
ing alternative to the roads.
Still, the thought of an extra 2000 people a day going through
Kep and Kampot in high season is not pleasant. But the growth it
seems is going to come anyway, and in spite of any negatives, it
does bring great greater choices. There’s now a bar in town
called Levels where you can play computer games. While I must
admit I did enjoy the 20 minutes in my life when I played a sim-
ple computer game, I really haven’t felt the desire to replicate
that experience so I probably won’t go all that often. It’s doing
well enough without me.
I generally go to the same few bars every night, but I often think I
should get around more, it’s just that I know where I’ll be com-
fortable. What if I go to a new place and it’s kinda dead or I don’t
connect very well with the people or place? I’ll try to make the
best of it, but I’ll be drinking too fast ready to move on. That’s a
problem since my brew intake is quite limited: by the time I get
to six beers on a long night I’m practically staggering. Even three
or four can get me a bit tipsy and destabilized. But the scene, I
love the scene: hanging out with friends, drinking, talking, jok-
t’s been three months since the sturdy fence and grand
gates were finished surrounding the large vacant lot at the
corner of old bridge and the riverside where our 41 story build-
ing is planned, but there’s still no information on the fence de-
scribing what’s planned and no activity inside. The developer
must have something going for him to secure that very valuable
piece of land, but it’s not a good sign that he can’t produce a
little information for the masses. Or maybe it is a good sign for
us Kampoters: most of us would much prefer if it was never
built. Six, eight, ten stories, sure, but 41? Not right for our little
But the Chinese are coming and, if
the rumors are correct, offering fabu-
lous amounts of money for prime
properties: like $2.5 million for the
land equivalent to six storefronts on
the riverside. Money to burn I’d say.
An investment of 2.5 mil requires
being able to get $25,000 per month
in rent if it isn’t purely speculative.
That’s more than $4000 per store-
front, when they now go for as little
as $700. Much more and they’d have
few takers. It’s happening now in
Phnom Penh. In the hostess bar zone
off the riverside, owners are offering
rents at 50% off. Too many bars, not
enough customers. You can ask the
sky, but if you’re out of line you’ll be
asking forever.
One local real estate guy is predicting
prime land in KP will go for $1000
per meter by year’s end. Never know, it could be. The Chinese
swooped into Sihanoukville offering owners double what they
thought their properties were worth.
The key is casino gambling. Without that advantage those prices
are from outer space. The current rule for casino operations is it
has to be more than 200 kilometers from Phnom Penh or on the
borders. The casino on Bokor Mt. has an exemption, but that’s a
special case aided by the country’s richest man holding the long
term concession. For Kampot? We all hope not. Totally change
the town’s character for the worse.
It isn’t just in town that prices are exploding. There’s a local RE
guy who’s dividing up a rural property a few kilos out of town,
offering tiny 5 x 20 meter lots for $9000 or $90 per meter. He’s
offering to sell on contract for a down payment and monthly
payments. So if you really have to own property and you’re
satisfied with a piece of land barely big enough to put a house
on, you’re in luck. However, with lots so small, nobody will put
nice houses on them. What you’ll have is a ghetto, an instant
slum… lots of tiny houses squeezed into their postage stamp
sized lots. I don’t mean to denigrate the people who might live
there, but it’s better to have a mix of properties instead of
bunching all the tiny ones together.
Still, people love Kampot and fall for it very fast so demand is
high and not just by westerners, many Cambodians are also pay-
ing high prices. All that is compounded by the influx of refu-
gees from the Chinese takeover of Sihanoukville. I don’t see
that as a problem in itself, only that it adds to the pressure on
However this land-craze feeding frenzy could be like the Bit-
coin hype of a few months ago when it shot up to stratospheric
severely limited so it had to be among the cheapest alternatives.
First he showed me a Yakosa with a price of $400. It’s unusual in
that it isn’t made of brass, as almost all saxophones are. It’s a
dark yellow metal and quite a bit heavier than brass. Being an
odd color they dressed up the metal with antiquing, trying to
make it look really old.
So I tried it out. I hadn’t played in 30 years, but had spent a few
seconds not long before trying out a friend’s and knew it was
time to get back into it. It sorta played, but some notes came out
as squeaks or other strange sounds. Nope, lets try another. It
played better but not really up to snuff, so lets go for another.
Like the first it was nearly unplayable. Okay, do you have any
other brands at the same cost? Tried a different brand at the same
budget price, still a no go. They also had Jupiter saxes, also made
in China, that worked fine, but at twice the price it was out of the
question. In comparison one of the friends I’d gone with stopped
in a Yamaha shop, theirs cost $2500. A top of the line Selmer
goes for about $10,000.
I had to get something so settled for the second Yakosa I’d
played. It really wasn’t working right, but as luck would have it
there was a long time sax player in town who tried it, checked it
out and pointed out that there were two places on the instrument
where you could make adjustments and a very short time later
with a little tweaking it worked fine. So for lack of minor adjust-
ments that took less than a minute, they sent out instruments that
didn’t play.
The Jupiter had a very big round sound, the Yakosa much lighter,
almost nasal, but fine, a perfectly acceptable sound. Good crafts-
manship and quality for a measly $400. It’s fascinating how in-
struments that by necessity are the exact same dimensions can
sound so differently.
It’s got a case that’s a marvel of convenience. Handle on the top,
handle on the side, special pouch on the side for music and odds
and ends and backpack straps, which came in very handy for a
year or so until I put a little stress on one and the thread just came
apart. The side handle wasn’t secured very well so I had to rein-
force it. It’s basically pressed fiber with a heavy cloth covering.
Two of the three zippers on the case have crapped out. I’ve had it
for six years, but I don’t play it all that much. If I did play a lot it
would’ve started falling apart in about 6 months. Just a little up-
grading and the case would last in intact for many years.
It came with a brush that fits inside the barrel to absorb excess
moisture that builds up when played. They’re called pad savers
for without it the moisture causes the pads to deteriorate. They’re
not cheap, I paid $20 for one for my tenor sax. The only problem
with the Yakosa brush is that it isn’t long enough to protect the
pad at the very end. Finally, it came with one reed in a paper
sleeve with the word Beed on it instead of Reed. Close enough.
ing, listening to music.
And I love to be out dancing. I try my best to make it to Banyan
Tree on Friday night where there’ll be 100 or 200 people all
drinking, smiling, dancing and being so darned happy. Doesn’t
matter how old I get, I’ll never tire of it… If I can stand, I’ll
dance. Thirty years ago I was most often the oldest person on
the dance floor. Now at 77, it’s hard to best me on that one
though it does happen on a rare occasion. There’s a band in
town called Rock Bottom playing ZZ Top and such. It always
surprises me how most bands around play that old time music
and that young people really like it. Timeless.
We now have an art gallery in town. There are some interesting
works on display and lots of wall space to hang more.
Girlie bars have come to Kampot. I had been under the
impression that they weren’t allowed but now there are
5 or 6. I don’t mind that much but I’d prefer they stay
out of the center of town, maybe in some special dis-
trict on the other side of the river. There are lots of
guys in this world who for any number of reasons
fat, old, ugly, abrasive who’d have no chance of
companionship otherwise and lots of willing young
women, many who are uneducated, whose options are
very limited or who prefer the life as opposed to earn-
ing much less working long hours in difficult jobs.
And there’ve always been the KTVs for the locals and
knowing foreigners… so live and let live.
The riverside promenade has once again turned into a
car park. They actually leave room to walk, usually. In
addition to degrading the experience of walking by the
river, vehicles damage tree roots and the pavement.
The city should place obstacles to access, but then parking
would become more difficult since the many restaurant boats
docked along the river draw lots of people.
It’s definitely low season and mighty quiet around town some-
times. The first two weeks of September were very dry and a
welcome relief from the torrents of July and August. Now that
it’s started to rain again it’s that steady all day rain typical of
this time of year rather than thunder and buckets of rain stuff.
Some of the rural roads have become impassable even for mo-
torbikes. The combination of all that rain and a constant proces-
sion of construction vehicles churned up a friend’s road into a
sea of mud slurry. They can get out on bicycles, but on moto
they have to take a several kilometer detour. The city, mean-
while, has continued its previously scheduled road upgrading
doing projects that are important, but nowhere near the urgency
of the worst spots, which they’ll get to eventually, I guess. My
local guy who does work for me can’t get his tuk-tuk out so
both of us are out of luck.
My Yakosa alto sax.
Sometimes you’ll come across merchandise that has a Japanese
name but nowhere does it say where it was made. It’s pretty
clear though who the culprit is. So this is the story of my pre-
sumably Chinese made alto sax. I, like most people I imagine,
try to avoid buying Chinese for while they are very clever at
making things that look good, they often crumble in front of
your very eyes. Here’s an illustration: back in the nineties when
I was living in Kunming in Yunnan province I had a friend who
was working on making accessories like wallets and bags out of
hemp. It grows wild throughout the province as well as having a
hemp industry. He arranged for a factory to make some sam-
ples. They looked good and well made with quality fabric but
with just a little effort they came apart, the thread worthless. He
took them back and showed him how easily they came apart.
The manager said, What’s the problem? My friend said, I can’t
sell this. The manager’s response was that they couldn’t afford
good thread.
That’s sorta the story of my sax. So I went down to Madison,
probably the largest music store in Phnom Penh. My budget was
are just as capable as anyone else. We’d love to give you sneak peek at
our performance… could you just hit the “play button there, I can’t
quite reach it.”
And what a performance it was, the pitter-patter of tiny feet culminating
into a fantastic show of emotion and incapability. With the level at
which these tiny performers executed, we here at The Spoof can hardly
contain our excitement to see what they and “The Rolling Dirty-Thirty”
have to offer to the next and likely last season of So You Think You Can
Dance. Keep your DVR’s free, as this will be a tv event that you won’t
want to miss.
Bozo Trots Out Usual Bollocks In Vain Attempt to be Relevant
The Daily Telegraph was once a serious newspaper but is now reduced
to having a front page spread featuring a serial liar and idiot. Monday's
edition had emblazoned upon it Bozo Johnson's self-satisfied face as he
once again trotted out his usual guff in his fading attempt to become
prime minister.
As usual, this loud mouthed insufferable failure of a political pygmy
tried to sound Churchillian, but only managed to mix metaphors and
raise stupid images which would be more akin to The Sun or The Daily
Star. He is living proof that education is not equated with intelligence or
Johnson wrote in the Daily Telegraph that the approach agreed at Che-
quers "means disaster" for Britain.
You signed up to it, shithead and only walked away after Dumbo Davis
had led the way. Coward, as ever.
On his no deal Brexit wish, Bozo wrote: "The whole thing is about as
pre-ordained as a bout between Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy; and in
this case, I am afraid, the inevitable outcome is a victory for the EU,
with the UK lying flat on the canvas and 12 stars circling symbolically
over our semi-conscious head."
So Bozo, in this "bout" which fat bastard are you?
Mr Johnson said negotiations based on the Chequers plan had so far seen
the EU take "every important trick", adding: "The UK has agreed to
hand over £40bn of taxpayers' money for two-thirds of diddly squat."
"Diddly squat?" Old Etonian for "I wouldn't get out of bed for less than
a million quid".
The ex-foreign secretary said the PM's plan would hand the EU
Yawn! Are we at war? Back to the 1940s with Corporal "They Don't
Like It Up 'Em" Johnson.
A Downing Street spokesman said: "There's no new ideas in this article
to respond to. Let's face it Bozo is a loser and has nothing to contribute"
while former home secretary Amber Rudd told the BBC's Politics Live:
"Once again, it's a case of leap before you look - there's absolutely no
proposal here, but what else do you expect from a smug self-regarding
Multigender Pangender Transgender Couple -Who Wears the Trou-
Unusually, on waking up, Lesley Jones, of Middlewich, Cheshire, who
was born a woman, decides what gender he will be for that day depend-
ing on what she feels like. If she feels like he is male on that particular
day, he binds his chest, wears trousers, and farts copiously over break-
His boyfriend, Leslie Smith, of Hove, East Sussex, who was born a man,
also decides which sex he will be on waking. If he feels like a female,
she will wear a lightly-padded bra, and nag about the shower needing
fixing over breakfast.
On days that both partners are female, they identify as lesbians, and on
days that both are male, they are just your average gay male couple. On
days where they are the opposite of their birth sexes, they say it can be
quite confusing for passers-by, particularly if they are using public toi-
Leslie commented, "Once, Lesley went into the male toilets and decided
she was female halfway through a pee. He went in fine, then she ran out
crying, because a man had exposed himself to her!"
On days where both are their birth sexes, they visit family and enjoy tea
and biscuits with their elderly parents who have no concept of any type
of sexuality except straight.
Lesley and Leslie both state that they don't want to physically change
their sexes, they just want to decide each day what's going to confuse the
public the most, and be accepted and recognised for their choices.
Woman Claims Groping by Cabinet Designee as Newborn in NY
It may have happened over 50 years ago, but a NY woman claims she
remembers it as if it were yesterday. Now she's appalled that her
groper is being considered for a top Cabinet post in the current ad-
ministration. But that's only if he survives a Congressional grilling.
And that won't happen, according to the irate woman in question, who
plans to testify before Congress next week.
"He's been a groper from day 1. Enough is enough," said the purported
Here's her story, as told to a NY newspaper. "We were only a day old
in a hospital nursery and had been placed alongside one another on a
huge changing table. The nurse happened to glance away for a mo-
ment, and that's when Mr. Cabinet Designee made his move. He rolled
over and reached inside my diaper, trying to grab my butt. Fortu-
nately, I had a loaded diaper, so all the pig got was a handful of shit.
Never got through to my butt at all. But it wasn't for a lack of trying."
Meanwhile, the Cabinet Designee released a statement to the press in
which he denied responsibility for the incident. "I do not recall that
happening at all," he said. "I was in the nursery minding my own busi-
ness, and had no interest in anyone else's business at all." No shit.
Vietnamese currency rockets - the dong is up
For years it has been an underdeveloped backwater of south-east Asia,
best known throughout much of the world for its devastating war
against the US. Nevertheless, Vietnam is very much an up and coming
country, particularly in an economic sense. Never has the Dong been
so powerful.
At the start of this year, a US dollar could buy you around 23,000
Dongs, which is quite a handful until you realise that that is only
worth about one dollar. Few other currencies worldwide were worth
so little - maybe the Salvadoran Colon, but you can still fit many
Dongs into a Colon.
Since February though, the Dong has shot up, and it just keeps on
growing. The Dong/Pound ratio is high, and the Dong/Bhat index is
also swelling.
An Asian currency hasn't grown this fast since South Korea's boom,
when it had a really big Won. That didn't end happily though, and if
the Vietnamese isn't to overheat and blow up, then they had better
calm down their Dongs with careful fiscal policy.
“So You Think You Can Dance” To Feature First Quadriplegic
Dance Crew
In the midst of declining ratings over the past 15 seasons of So You
Think You Can Dance, producer Jessica Lively confirmed today that
the show has been picked up for an additional season to premier in
Despite the dwindling viewership, she is confident that the show will
make a return to primetime with the addition of more “inclusive and
diverse dancing crews” to the lineup.
The show’s scouts are particularly excited to premier the show’s very
first quadriplegic dance crew, who go by the name of “The Rolling
Dirty-Thirty”. As the name suggests, the crew is comprised of thirty
handicapable talents, whom incorporate finely choreographed B-Boy
routines based around such numbers as OutKast’s, “I Like The Way
You Move”; Ludacris hit, “Stand Up”; and the Unk 2006 club-banger,
“Walk It Out”.
“In no way are we trying to exploit these brave contestants for mere
entertainment,” said Lively in response to the initial criticism. We
hold ourselves to a higher standard and we carry our heads high know-
ing we’re doing our part to represent those who physically can’t carry
their heads high. We’ll continue to do so one step at a time.”
The announcement seems to be working wonders, as already there has
been an increase in viewer interest, and applicants who wish to be
featured on the show’s upcoming season. One such hopeful dance
crew is “The Golden Nuggets”, a four-piece group made up of midg-
ets that perform expressive avant-garde dance renditions of Goldfrapp
tunes, such as: 2008’s “Clowns”; as well as 2000’s “Lovely Head”
and “Oompa Radar”.
When asked about the peculiar song choice, “The Golden Nuggets”
dance leader Melvin Highmore, had this to say: “We dance to what is
relatable, and Goldfrapp just seems to understand the struggle of the
little guy caught up in this complicated, big world. We’re excited to
showcase our talents on the show, and prove once and for all that we
Pub Page October
The bars I have been dropping by have been pretty dead the last
week or so rains are clearly not doing them any favours.
One would think that would make the staff at the hostess bars a
bit more enthusiastic when a punter forges one of the flooded
streets to try to spend some money, but I guess the lack of pa-
tronage has led to a number of the
bars allowing their staff to sub-
merge themselves on their mobile
and chat outside with their friends.
In the alternative, perhaps they just
sized me up and decided they were
better off ignoring this intrepid but
underpaid (and thus perhaps
overly parsimonious) reporter.I
won’t go through the usual sus-
pects line up, but I felt a severe
lack of attention and a few of them
despite the general lack of patron-
age. BTW thanks to Sensations
bar on 130 St for inviting the Pub
Page to their anniversary party.
A quick GSM note still trying to
unload places at half price. Amaz-
ingly, while I have this from indi-
rect sources, so it has not been
verified, I was told that existing
tenants who came in early and are
not getting the traffic flow they
were expecting, were not given
any break. While it is hard to give
them too much grief for trying to
draw in some customers, the hor-
rid karaoke from the center of the
mall may actually kill the business
of the few bars that have some.
There do some to be some smaller
places opening but more food than
bar. Hopefully there will be some
more new spots soon and there
will be something to report.
Went to a bunch of new hostess bars this week, let’s start the
tour on 136 St. Before I get there, much kudos to After Dark
for running the best promotion, from a full disclosure yet
deeply disappointing perspective, that I can remember here.
On the sign that says 2 for 1 blow jobs on Saturdays in very
clear print it expressly states that they mean the drink. Deep
sign but cheers for accuracy.
I dropped by the Phnom Penh Sharaton (not a typo and clearly
done to avoid engaging in serious intellectual property litiga-
tion with Marriott International). It is beside the Hilton (of
course) and is pretty bare bones with a disturbing lack of
amenities. A bunch of staff sat outside and there was only the
bartender inside when I strolled by. Had a bit of difficulty or-
dering a drink and, in the confusion, I decided I was not in the
mood and checked out early. I will drop by again but not in a
I know I reported on Secrets last month, but I recently dropped
by again a couple of times just to see how it was evolving. It is
a bit of a curious beast. On my two visits, once it was pretty
quiet (as was everywhere else I visited that night), but on the
other night, it was the busiest bar I was in over the last week with
almost every booth occupied. Had the band going both nights
not really my cup of tea but people seemed to enjoy or at least not
be bothered by it. Most of the customers looked fairly well occu-
pied. Still want to try the food at some point, but overall enjoy the
place as an occasional swing bydespite the drinks being a bit steep
although it is almost worth
the extra cost just to be able to
use the bathroom.
I kayaked up to 104 St. next.
As I went by I noticed that the
Hooters sign was not on the
side of the corner building.
Not sure how long ago it came
down, but I guess this means
that Hooters finally gave up on
their remake of the 1986 Tom
Hanks classic.
While not new. Bunny Bar has
changed ownership I was told
that there was a new partner
brought in and with it some
big changes well, a paint job
at least. Rest of the place seems
unchanged so same friendly
service, same comfortable local,
same reasonable prices, new
First of my new bars on 104
was Rodeo which has occupied
the old Cavern space. It has
been open about a month and a
half from what I understand.
No offense to the great and
powerful Barry but I actually
liked what they did to it. It is
black with a lot of blue LED
(ok I can skip some of the light-
ing), but it feels pretty open and
by cutting back the bar they
made room for a pool table.
Cans of beer (except ABC) are USD 2, bottles are USD 3.5-4 and
local drafts are 1.5/glass and 6 a jug. Lady drinks are a bit odd as
there are a mix of USD 3.5 and 5 options so if you are worried
about it, make sure you check what your companion is ordering.
Spirits are mostly USD 3.5-4 with a few higher priced options.
Music was a bit loud but not overbearing. Overall this seems like
a good new option on 104.
Another good new option was Boss bar beside 104 bar. Nothing
not to like. It was comfortable although a bit dark. Staff was
friendly and were quite pleasant despite realizing that I was not
looking for any company and I was just passing through quickly.
Music was at a good level. Pool table in the back. Draft beer is
USD 1.75, and jugs are 6, cans are 2 (except ABC) and bottles are
$3 or 4. Spirits are mostly $3.5 or 4 and wine is $4.5 or 6. A
good relaxing option in a part of 104 St. where the bars seem to
compete to deafen their customers and prevent any chance of
Time to hit some non-hostess bars I think – if only I knew any…
ments. Stating there
must be one and a half
meters space so peo-
ple can walk easily.
One owner had a
month long dispute
over this to preserve
most of his terrace.
Now a new edict has
left him speechless.
In the past few weeks
the authorities have
been visiting places
In the last few years
the police have
cracked down on bars
and restaurants en-
croaching onto pave-
Volume 05 Issue 09 Wednesday, October 1, 20018 0000 Riel
Bo ob
The Ministry of Culture and
Fine Arts has ordered the di-
rector of Cambodian Televi-
sion Association to fire the
Cambodian star named Seng
Mr. Thai Noreaksathya, secre-
tary of the Ministry of Culture
and Fine Arts, said that Mrs.
Seng Souna was temporarily
banned for a year because of
her sexy outfits and behavior
which reflect badly on Cambo-
dian traditional culture.
Four other starlets have also
been given a warning about
their sexy behaviour and large
A member of the “Cambodian
Wives Association” seemed
pleased at the ban.
“How can we compete when
our husbands are ogling as
those huge mammaries bounc-
ing around. I am not having ten
liters of silicone put in my
body to compete with jugs like
“We hope this sends a message
to others that bouncing body
parts will not be tolerated on
The “Wives Association” is
widely believed to have been
behind the KTV ban twelve
years ago. When too many
hubbies were caught with their
Continued on page 17
with a large amount of
motos parked outside.
When asked about
this he said most of
them belonged to his
He was then told that
all the bikes would
have to park on the
pavement to allow
better traffic flow!
After banging his
head on a table the
owner sauntered in-
side to attack a bottle
of single malt.
Another edict just
came from the Phnom
Penh governor.
All wedding and fu-
neral tents will be
banned from public
streets from the begin-
ning of October.
Maybe they can hold
them on the pavement
Continued on page 17
About Cambodia
Report: Civil Servants need
more holidays
Page 17
How to sell your ass to the
Page 17
Hazardous waste plant
gets ok in Snooky to
save on street light-
ing as the whole
place will glow in the
Page 17
Chinese visa office opens
for trips to Sihanouk-
Page 17
Semicolon: the period for
the new millennia
All pages
As the public holiday is upon us
after a brief lull the Ministry of
Holidays and Lazing around has
proposed that October and No-
vember be a two month holiday to
streamline things.
With Pchum Ben October 8, 9, 10.
October 15 Kings Commemora-
tion Day. October 23 Paris Peace
Agreement Day. October 29
Kings Coronation Day. Novem-
ber 9 Independence Day and
November 21, 22, 23 Water Fes-
With most officials taking a
week out for any three day holi-
day and three days for a one day
holiday it is proposed that all
other holidays be moved to these
months apart from Khmer New
Therefore getting the ridiculous
amount of holidays here out
of the way in one big lump.
Businessmen seemed to sup-
port the idea. Citing the fact
it would cut out a lot of
problems with staff going
AWOL and a ton of bullshit
The Ministry of Labour was
no committal about the idea
and laughed all the way to
Continued page 17
This is a work of fiction and satire any semblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental
Walk or park
that is the
Two month holiday proposed for Oct &Nov
Seng Sona displaying her impressive assets. However the “Khmer Wives” association seems to have a
distaining view and are rumoured to have pressed for a ban on her udderly sexy behavior.
a motion to reject the Chequers Plan was carried unanimously.
Mrs May has expressed her ‘disappointment’ all pets have
now signed a declaration agreeing with the EU heads of state,
every opposing MP in the House, any voter arsed enough to
read it, every back bench Conservative and practically all of
her cabinet. ‘I respect their right to an opinion, but would pre-
fer Larry didn’t shit on every copy put in his litter tray,’ she
said today, insisting Boris Johnson started it. ‘Putting copies
in the litter tray, that is’ she clarified.
Perth Australia voted the world's most miserable city
An international panel of lifestyle experts has compared 100 of
the world's major cities. Emerging top of the pile for live-ability is
Vienna in Austria. And coming in a distant last is Perth in West-
ern Australia, which is dubbed "The Miserable City".
Panel spokesperson Brenda Shapelybotham explained. "We exam-
ined lifestyles in all the cities using nine criteria. Perth came last
in every category." Shapelybotham listed the categories:
1 Things to do - the highlight of Perth is a trip to Ratsarse Island,
20 kilometres offshore from Perth. The panel visited Ratsarse and
confirmed it's full of giant rats, drunken bogan Aussies, and
beaches that look the same as those in Perth, except they're
crowded and littered with discarded beer bottles and condoms.
2. Friendliness - Perth recorded the only negative score of any
city. Not one person returned a single panel member's smile and 5
panel members were assaulted, 2 seriously, for daring to smile at
3. Vista - apart from Kings Park, a massive 100-foot-high mound
of kangaroo dung in the city centre, Perth is completely flat. In
fact the whole of Western Australia, is basically a bland, flat, dirty
brown desert landscape with the odd scrub tree, and inhabited by
drunken indigenous people and a lot of deadly animals.
4. Safety - Three panel members were hospitalised during their 5
day stay. One was bitten by a spider, another lost a foot to a shark
while swimming on a metro beach, and another was clubbed and
tasered by a local police officer who she asked for directions.
5. Travel opportunities - Perth scored even lower than its Friendli-
ness score. Perth is perfectly situated at the wrong side of Austra-
lia to be anywhere near anything else in Australia. At the same
time it's so far from anything else in the world nobody ever goes
overseas because it's unaffordable. Its location is referred to as the
"arse-end" and is also responsible for the very low variation in the
Perth gene pool.
6. Culture - Perth peoples' idea of culture is watching a Big Mac
rot and get fly blown on the barbecue table on a hot summer after-
noon. The panel found no other evidence of culture.
7. Climate - Perth only has 2 seasons. Fucking hot, and damp,
Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani: Truth isn't truth and Trump
isn't Trump
In further evidence of the phantasmagorical world in which Presi-
dent Donald Trump and his minions are living, the US President's
lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, has claimed that "truth isn't truth" during a
television interview.
Mr Giuliani was arguing that Mr Trump should not testify to the
Russia probe, as he might be "trapped into perjury as he is an ha-
bitual and compulsive liar. Of course he wouldn't lie as he is
president, but you know Trump is Trump or rather he isn't, if you
see what I mean".
"Truth is truth", NBC host Chuck Todd countered. Mr Giuliani
denied this was the case, and said two rival versions of events
were in contention. Trump aides and lickspittles have a track re-
cord of denying factual evidence with their own fantastical ver-
sion of events, notably when Kellyanne Conway told Todd in
January 2017 that the White House was entitled to present
"alternative facts." Todd retorted at the time: "Alternative facts
are not facts. They're falsehoods."
Mr Giuliani then said: "I'm not going to be rushed into having him
testify so he can be trapped into perjury. You know how he likes
to lie." He added: "When you tell me that the president should
testify because he's going to tell the truth and he shouldn't worry,
well that's so silly because it's somebody's version of the truth.
Not the truth."
Todd responded: "Truth is truth." Mr Giuliani said: "Truth isn't
So what do we take from all this? Anything which Donald J.
Trump utters isn’t true, or is it?
Dismay as Larry the cat
rejects Chequers Plan
As if things couldn’t get any
worse for beleaguered PM
Theresa May, news has
emerged that at a recent
meeting of government pets
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workers which shall patrol the border sounds to us like a fantastic
solution which is ensured to succeed.”
Whether the invisible leprechauns will work remains to be seen,
but one thing is for sure, it appears that BOJO has saved Brexit!
Tesco unveil ‘Jack in the Box’ budget funeral service
Tesco supermarket has announced it will go into direct competi-
tion with Cooperative Funerals in a bid to corner the market in
dead people. Tesco plan to follow the basic principle of ‘Stack
‘em high and sell ‘em cheap’ and will bury people in their car
parks. Dead customers will be interned in a standing position to
maximize parking space. The rollout begins next month, but trol-
ley attendants at a trial store in Twickenham have been spotted
pulling long trains of coffins.
Chief executive Dave Lewis said ‘This is an exciting new direc-
tion for Tesco. Not only will our funerals be cheaper and quicker
than our rivals, but mourners will be able to collect bonus points
and exclusive offers with each service they attend. Go to three
Tesco funerals and you could enjoy a day out at Peppa Pig World,
absolutely free!’ He denied that this heralded the end of bags for
life, but suggested they could be a ‘low cost option’. He added ‘if
being buried in a car park is good enough for a royal surely it’s
good enough for the rest of us.’
The announcement comes as a blow to the Co-op which failed to
invest in online click and collecthearses. Lidl have teamed up
with Greggs to offer cost-effective, value-orientated cremations
with a hot pasty thrown in, but market analysts believe it may be
too little too late.
In addition to burials, Jack in the Box will sell handkerchiefs,
sandwiches, and pet insurance. Terms and conditions apply.
Vatican confirms that resurrection of the Chequers deal would be
classified as an official miracle
The Catholic Church has today confirmed it is ready to announce
an official miracle if the EU27 adopts Theresa May’s Chequers
plan for Brexit.
With documented miracles few and far between since the inven-
tion of the camera phone, the Vatican is keen to see if Theresa
May can offer a bonafide miracle which they can lay at the feet of
baby Jesus.
cold. Houses in Perth are built the British way (but using building
codes from 1952) and so everyone freezes their butts off for the
six month winter, then fries and roasts through the 50C degrees in
the shade hell they call summer, when it's too hot to venture out
before 2am.
8. Career opportunities - Shapelybotham could hardly contain her
amusement. "If you want to be a sewage worker, Big Mac Dis-
penser, or work in a god-forsaken stinking hot desert minesite,
Perth's the place for you. Say no more."
9. Affordability - while Perth has become more affordable to live
in than the big east coast cities, you can expect to pay eight dol-
lars for a coffee and twenty for a pint. Given the minimum wage
is twelve bucks an hour, more and more people are choosing to
live with their parents until they, themselves, are in their mid-
Shapelybotham summed Perth up as "The ultimate miserable
city". Latest figures from the Australian government indicate peo-
ple are voting with their feet. In 2017, 500,000 people left Perth
for the Ukraine, Venezuela and the Republic of the Congo. Most
were Poms.
Northern Ireland border to be controlled by invisible lepre-
Brexit has obviously caused many problems, both within the EU
borders and the UK, and these problems need to be solved before
the UK floats uncontrollably into the Atlantic Ocean.
Great political intellectuals (cough, cough) are busy attempting to
come up with solutions for the problem of the Ireland / Northern
Ireland border and, of course, BOJO, who is leading the gallop
towards a UK disaster, has come up with several 'brilliantly in-
sane' solutions.
Here are just a four of his recommendations:
1) Build a “Mexican Wall” and call it the "Humpty Trumpty Ha-
drian's Wall' in memory of the fall of the Roman Empire and
sticking one up at Donald Trump’s failed attempt to do the same.
2) Get Bill Gates to build technical gadgets along the border and
make BOJO the Microsoft president of UK operations with a sal-
ary of £2 billion a year.
3) If Bill doesn't play ball, plant a row of 'Apple' trees along the
border, sponsored by Apple, with smart phones attached so trucks
can be photographed as they pass. BOJO then collects 50% of
import taxes and 50% of the advertising.
4) Let Northern Irish Militant groups patrol the border, Ukrainian
style, with machine guns, balaclavas, and dressed in camouflage,
terrorist uniforms. Any truck loaded with EU goods will be blown
-up and the driver exiled to Calais.
None of these recommendations have held any water with the
PM, however. But, Theresa May has elected to forward one of the
ideas to the EU in a bid to placate BOJO, because she's crapping
in her pants that if she doesn’t, when BOJO becomes the new PM,
she will end up in The Tower with her head on the block!
And what is the idea which Theresa May will be putting to the EU
negotiators? Well, BOJO's brilliantly insane idea is invisible lep-
rechauns to patrol the border.
Since the invisible leprechauns cannot be seen, all traffic passing
the border will travel freely, just like it does now. Furthermore,
since BOJO's army of invisible leprechauns have dual nationality,
Irish and British, they will work for the best interest of both par-
Whisperings from Brussels indicate that the EU is willing to ac-
cept this proposal and end the deadlock on the negotiations.
It is rumoured that chief EU Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier
commented on the plans, “We have been waiting for the UK to
put forward a concrete solution for dealing with the Irish border,
but all we have had so far is pie-in-the-sky proposals around IT
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network location).
4. Hit Next, make sure your C: drive is selected (as well as any
other drives you want to back up), and click the Start backup
The backup may take a few hours. You can continue to work as it
backs up. However, I prefer to start the backup at the end of the
workday so it doesn’t slow anything down.
When the backup is over, you’ll be asked if you want to create a
System Repair Disc. If your PC has an optical drive, create the
If not, create a Recovery Drive: Plug in a blank flash drive, open
Control Panel’s Recovery tool, click Create a recovery drive, and
follow the prompts. Or follow our guide to making a recovery
drive. This drive will enable you to restore your system image
when the time comes.
Restore the backup
When Windows is in a seemingly hopeless condition, you’ll need
to get into the recovery environment to restore the image. Here
are three ways to do that:
If you can still boot into Windows: Select Start > Settings > Up-
date & security. Select Recovery in the left pane, then select Re-
start now.
If Windows won’t boot and you have a System Repair Disc: In-
sert the disc into your
optical drive and boot
your PC. When you’re
asked to “Press any
key…,” press any
key. Then pick a lan-
If Windows won’t
boot and you have a
Recovery Drive: In-
sert the Recovery
How do you recover from a dead internal hard
drive or SSD? Or if Windows becomes so messed
up it’s useless or even unbootable?
You can always reinstall Windows from scratch. But after that
you must reinstall all of your programs, and then reconfigure
But if you have a relatively recent image backup handy, you can
recover Windows, your programs, and your configurations with a
few minutes’ work.
[ Further reading: Our best Windows 10 tricks, tips and tweaks ]
Image backup vs. file backup
An image backup copies everything on your drive, including par-
titions and the boot sector. It’s the only way to back up your
Windows installation properly, with all of your programs and
settings. Don’t confuse this with a file backup, which only copies
your data files (documents, photos, spreadsheets, and so on).
Of the two, the file backup is by far the most important. You can
always reinstall Windows and your applications, but you can’t
reinstall your business records or your family photos. You should
back up data files daily. If you’re not regularly backing them up,
see my 3 easy steps for getting this going.
By comparison, an image backup simply saves you the major
hassle of reinstalling everything. I recommend you create an im-
age backup three or four times a year, saving it to an external
hard drive. (See our roundup of best external drives if you don’t
already have one.)
This article focuses on Windows 10. I’ve already covered the
subject for Windows 7 and 8.
How to create an image backup in Windows 10
1. Plug in your external hard drivewhich should have enough
free space to hold everything on your internal drive. (The WD
My Passport 4TB is our current top pick for this purpose.) Make
sure Windows can access the drive.
2. Now go to Control Panel > Backup and Restore (Windows 7)
—don’t worry about the “Windows 7” label.
3. Click Create a system image in the upper left.
3. On the following screen, make sure your backup drive is se-
lected (or conversely choose the option to back up to DVDs or a
to use a browser bookmark to remember their place, but Google
has a new name for this: Collections. It will debut later this fall.
Want to store a page for later? Try a bookmark Collections.
Instead of putting a webpage in a bookmark, or a folder of book-
marks, you assign a search card to a Collection of given topics.
As Collections seem like just a reimagining of the bookmark
process, the process sounds pretty similar.
The Google feed, now called Discover
One of the innovations that Yahoo brought to search before ced-
ing it to Bing was its emphasis on searching through exploration:
Yahoo’s algorithmically generated homepages would encourage
you to click a topic and explore it, generating more and more
clicks as you delved deeper. Google offers something similar: its
Feed, accessible by clicking on the search box within an Android
Google’s activity feed of things it algorithmically thinks you’ll
like: Discover.
The feed is renamed Discover, but the premise is the same: Based
upon your history, Google will suggest numerous topics for you
to click and explore later this year.
The cards that the Discover feed shows you will offer different
ways of interacting with it. A flower-like Discover icon allows
you to drill down. A little, unnamed control panel icon will push
more or less content to your feedyour choice. If you’re starting
to explore a given topic or location, Google may consider some
of the content to be “evergreen,” and relevant even if it’s a few
weeks or months old. And if you speak multiple languages
based on your searches—Google’s will try to figure that out, too.
Diving deep within Google Images
search, with Lens
One of Microsoft’s responses to our
story on how Bing has lost its way
was that one of the innovations
within Bing’s image search was its
ability to pull out elements of an im-
age, such as a pair of shoes in a photo
of a living room, and use that as the
basis of an entirely new search. Now
Google says it will bring the same
ability to Google Images (via a fea-
ture called Lens) in the coming
Google also said the company would
now do a better job of suggesting
videos to illustrate what you’re
searching for.
In all, using AI to enhance the way in
which Google interacts with you is
nothing new. The real test will be
how much you interact with Google,
based upon its new search features.
flash drive into a USB port and boot your PC. If your PC skips
the flash drive and attempts to boot Windows, reboot and enter
your Setup screen (F2 usually works; if it doesn’t, check your
manual). Look for a boot or boot order option. Once you’ve suc-
cessfully booted the flash drive, select a language.
Once you’re in a recovery environment, select Troubleshoot, then
System Image Recovery. Follow the instructions.
Google's new search features tap AI to make your
Android phone and PC even smarter
We didn't expect Google to copy something from Yahoo, of all
search engines.
Microsoft’s not the only company using AI to improve the qual-
ity of its services. Google, in marking the 20th anniversary of
Google search, announced its own plans to tap artificial intelli-
gence, including enticing you to interact more with its rebranded,
deeper Discover activity feed and other services.
Ben Gomes, the vice president in charge of Search and the
Google Assistant, outlined several changes the company is mak-
ing to enhance Google’s search algorithm. Interestingly, the ma-
jority of the changes seem slated to appear within Google’s mo-
bile app. Most also seem to involve getting you to interact more
with Google’s services, so the search algorithm can learn more
about you—and make smarter guesses about what you’ll engage
with more, for instance. Gomes wrote that a full 15 percent of
everyday queries are completely unknown to the Google search
Why this matters: Artificial intelligence (AI) seems to be the new
watchword at companies like Google, Microsoft and others:
sprinkle a little AI on a feature, and watch its engagement grow.
In this case, there’s a benefitcool
stuff!and a cost: You have to be
signed in to Google’s services, which
some people avoid for privacy’s sake.
In fact, it’s interesting that Google an-
nounced this today, as there was yet
another flap over Google’s latest pri-
vacy snafu.
Here’s a short list of the changes you’ll
see within Google’s search algorithm.
Activity Cards: A smarter search his-
You’re probably aware of how to ac-
cess your Search History on a desktop
browser: CTRL+ H, typically. But
when you try to dig out a site you’ve
searched for previously, it can be a
chore: You’ll have to manually enter
terms in the search box and try to re-
member which pages led you where.
Google’s history cards will display if
Google thinks they’re relevant.
Later this year, the Search box will re-
veal cards that link back to your previ-
ous searches, when it’s useful,
Google says. The idea is very similar to
Microsoft’s “pick up where you left
off” language, which it’s used to de-
scribe the Windows Timeline feature
in fact, Google used this same phrase
when describing its new Search fea-
Collections: A better bookmark?
If you’ve ever searched for a topic over
time, you might forget what you saw,
and where. Old fogies might be tempted
A couple of months ago we said that the roads became rivers and
then lakes. Well the degradation of the rivers cum roads has con-
tinued unabated. The roads are now like river beds on the odd
occasion it stops raining for long enough for the roads to dry up.
When wet the huge holes in the road have been swallowing ve-
hicles to the point where cranes are required to lift the vehicles
out of the holes.
Recently the majority of the town became a giant sea, with many
places and houses under water to a depth of a metre, more or
less. This did not stop cars from driving through it and one rich
person, with more dollars than sense found out that whilst Bent-
leys are nice cars, it is only Aston Martins that can become wa-
ter borne vehicles (think James Bond
films) and he too needed a crane to
lift his waterlogged pride and joy to
dry land. The worst affected areas
were around the former LV (street
104) and the area near MlopTPang
training centre which backs the gen-
eral area behind the former Aqua that
was swamp that has now been filled
in. Such is what happens when you
destroy the natural infrastructure and
do not replace it with and planned
infrastructure construction.
Interestingly, on one of the few days
without rain, the Chinese KTV beside
the JinBei casino caught fire. Fire
trucks were called. It is probable that
the casino owns this as they were
directing the fire hoses from the up-
per floors of the casino onto the roof
top below.
Statistics have been released as to
how many Chinese have been granted
work permits and the figure is huge, with the vast majority of the
people believed to be residing in Sihanoukville. The Chinese
population has grown so much that the Chinese police are now
cooperating with the local police and will offer training and ad-
visors in how to deal with the Chinese. We think that I will not
be long before the PRC police are seen on the streets in uniform,
as the pace of the colonization snowballs.
One of the drivers for the help by the PRC police is the recently
revealed foreign crime statistics, and it is little surprise to any-
one who reads the newspapers, that the largest group of foreign
criminals are the Chinese, plus the continued gang fighting
amongst Chinese gangs, something that did not happen before.
This lawlessness has made the newspapers and the Cambodian
government is so concerned that they have sent down four dif-
ferent task forces, including various ministries and police to help
restore law and order. The local competent authorities decided to
do a crackdown on cars and drivers which resulted in the im-
pounding of several vehicles as the drivers or cars were not
properly licensed, all the drivers involved turned out to be Chi-
Roads into and out of Sihanoukville and Kampot continue to be
a nightmare, with the near constant heavy rains and heavy vehi-
cle traffic. Route 4 has been closed again, which usually leads to
route 41 and the lower part of Route 3 becoming a mess. Route
31, via Kep is also fast becoming similar and parts of the road to
Kho Kong have reverted to the former muddy red clay roads
reminiscent of years gone by before that road was sealed.
The government has approved a large Chinese run hazardous
waste plant to be built out at Steung Haw (just up the coast from
Sihanoukville). This bit of infrastructure is in theory intended to
be used to take care of the hazardous waste created in Sihanouk-
ville. However given the proposed size of the plant, they either
expect the area to grow enormously (highly likely) or they may
well be planning on importing hazardous waste to the processed
there (more highly likely, especially as the port is being ex-
In Barang news, the exodus has continued unabated. The Cozy
guesthouse was recently emptied out of the long term tenants
and the building was razed to the ground as something new will
be built in its place. Let us hope that
they manage to deal with the flood-
ing as the swamp across the road
has also been filled in ahead of fu-
ture development. People continue
to experience 5 or more days with-
out town supply water and constant
electric blackouts as usual, but
somehow the Chinese owned con-
crete batching plants manage to get
enough water to keep the cement
trucks busy. When the water comes
out of the taps it is often discol-
oured. It may be a good idea to
brush your teeth and was your food
with bottled water.
However there are signs that there is
some money being spent on infra-
structure. Near CT clinic they were
digging up what passes for a road,
hopefully to improve it, when they
hit a watermain, meaning more peo-
ple will be without water for a pe-
riod. Also the competent Authorities have obviously learned
about infrastructure. They have removed the rubbish at the end
of Serendipity beach road and beautified the area until more
rain washes rubbish down and no one collects it.Rubbish collec-
tion services are dire, especially in this location and on business
owner is refusing to pay for a very trashy service that he never
receives, causing the competent authorities to intervene on be-
half of the useless rubbish collection company. Pity they do not
spend as much effort in collecting rubbish as their fees.
It looks like the road widening of beach road is going ahead, at
least the part at the top of the road. It was a couple of years ago
that the authorities went down the road, spraying a red line indi-
cating where buildings needed to be moved back, often
throughthe middle of some business premises. Recently the
competent authorities went through the top of beach road and
sprayed movable items like party cycles and generators and even
buildings with the word, “Move”, making it look like a graffiti
attack. It was apparently easier than delivering paper notices.
Meanwhile things have been quiet if very wet down in Kampot
town. It seems people are getting along better. One helpful
young western woman was offering pole dancing lessons for just
$5 recently, maybe she has high hopes for the entertainment
industry. Needless to say she was crucified on social media for
this offer.