how the additional people can be accommodated. That under-
standing comes from having lived a total of 10 years in New
York and Los Angeles, and another year in Bangkok. It’s under-
standable when a small or mid sized city wants to expand, but
when an overweight giant seeks to grow, it becomes absurd. For
instance, very large numbers of commuters in those cities spend 2
to 3 hours a day in transit. That’s wasteful, expensive and mostly
unproductive time, though some people riding trains can make
use of that time.
Cambodia’s population is mostly rural and since there’s little
economic opportunity in the countryside, people are going to
migrate to the cities. That’s inevitable and taken as a whole a
good thing for the country. Yet there are places that’re not right
for industrial development, that serve the country’s needs best
when left to their specialties.
The charm of Kampot is its smallness, familiarity and easygoing
attitude. That would be lost in the bustle of large scale industrial
development. Besides rather than locate 20,000 workers in an
enclave away from the city where large numbers of them would
have to commute, it’d be better to locate smaller factories inside
the city where most people could get to work in a few minutes.
There’s lots of land in Kampot suitable for industrial develop-
It is possible to maintain a place’s charm and pleasantness in the
midst of heavy growth, but that’s not something very many Cam-
bodians in authority understand. They see water features like
lakes and wetlands and they have a burning, abiding desire to fill
it in and build on it. There’s a freshwater lake behind Independ-
ence beach that’s now used for Snooky’s water supply that’s be-
ing filled in. The beauty, the ambiance, the coolness that lakes
provide, the possible recreation, the supply of fresh water all are
benefits to the people. Probably 80% of Sihanoukville’s land area
is vacant and available for development so it makes no sense to
take one of the nicest natural spots for development. I’ve never
heard any but the vaguest plans to develop public parks in any
city anywhere in Cambodia.
I’m not counting riverside promenades or park strips which are
great to have but are not in my mind real parks which every other
big city in the region has at least some of. Saigon, Hanoi, Bang-
kok, Rangoon, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, Hong Kong and even
The latest development news is that a Chinese developer wants
to set up a SEZ, a special economic zone in Kampot. There
weren’t any details as to where it would be located or how big it
would be. Of course most of us let out a collective sigh when
we heard the news though it wasn’t all the same time, more like
a rolling shudder. Think of the traffic thousands of additional
workers would generate, not to mention the heavy trucks that
come along with industry on a large scale. That would require
some wholesale changes since city streets aren’t capable of han-
dling a lot more traffic.
Part of the problem is the city’s design.
There’s no adequate truck route across
the city. Imagine three or four times as
many trucks as now trying to get past
the big market on new bridge road, it
would be tangled up for hours in the
day. There’ve been rumors for a long
time of plans for another bridge across
the river north of town that would by-
pass the city center. I would think that’d
be a prerequisite for any large scale in-
flux of industry, but that’s millions of
dollars and years from completion even
after the resources had been secured.
I assume it would be near the new indus-
trial port across the road from Bokor Mt.
that’s been in development for years and
years and still nothing is there. It’s built
on fill and stretches out a kilometer into
the sea. I can’t think of any other logical
place. An article in Cambodia News
English says the developer wants to
make Kampot a major economic area and projects the plans will
increase Kampot’s economy by 80%! That’d bring about 20,000
additional workers to the city.
Of course now a lot of it is just hot air, many economic zones
stay mostly empty for years.
Like, similarly, it’s now been 4 or 5 months since the grand
fence was built around our projected 41 story skyscraper, and
still there’s no activity at the site. Still, there’s no call for being
complacent, it certainly could happen.
The Sihanoukville SEZ seems to be going strong. It now covers
5 sq km and has 21,000 workers, and it’s projected to expand to
11 sq km and accommodate 80 to 100,000 thousand workers.
They’ve got lots of room, all set up, why mess with Kampot?
Snooky’s had the country’s major port for decades, it has large
tracts of vacant land available and is already so tainted by devel-
opment, especially since Chinese investors have come to set up
casinos, it can’t get any worse. It’s lost most of its desirability
as a daytrip destination for expats and locals as the pace of new
development has overwhelmed the city’s infrastructure, many
beaches have become off limits and the new Chinese owners
make it unpleasant for non-Chinese. In fact, that attitude isn’t
necessarily intended, they just don’t know how to relate to oth-
ers since they don’t have the language skills: What can you do
in a place that only has a Chinese menu? I have a friend who
went into a Chinese restaurant up in northern Laos. When they
saw her they started to shoo her away until she started speaking
Chinese and instead they gave her a warm welcome.
Governments always want more development, in their eyes eve-
rything needs to get bigger, it doesn’t matter how big or con-
gested the place already is. No matter how inadequate the exist-
ing infrastructure is they always want more with little thought to
The now seemingly shuttered hotel sporting a lovely crop of
rubbish bags!
being anywhere else, well it’s still the same. Would it be the
same if Bokor Mt. Lodge were replaced with a casino and 40
story hotel? Not likely, but all we can do is let it all happen and
see what’s happening.
Lots of new bars around though I’m not the best for detailing
them all since my alcohol capacity is limited and I already have
plenty of bars to visit and keep up with. There are two relatively
new bars near the Salt Workers monument, Bundy bar and the
appropriately named Salt bar. Both seem to be quite popular and
get most of their traffic from Snooky refugees.
Some long time locals have taken to disliking them, though I
don’t see much difference. The only sticking point as far as I can
tell was when the influx just started. My impression is that there
weren’t many female expats there, especially not compared to
Kampot, where there are lots, and some guys from Snooky would
be talking nasty about all the things they did with the working
girls without taking cognizance of the western females within
earshot at nearby restaurant tables. A
middle aged woman friend of mine,
who’s sensitive to those things, would
get really pissed.
Salt bar has a weekly quiz on Tuesday
evening, but since my radio show on starts at 7pm Mon-
day to Friday (that’s a plug folks) it’s
difficult for me to attend. There’s also
a problem there since it’s too popular
for the place’s capacity. It’s way too
crowded, the sound equipment is
lacking, it’s very noisy, including
from Bundy next door and the acous-
tics are awful so it’s hard for a half
deaf old geezer to hear what the questions are. I fit in agewise
since almost everyone is retirement age.
The other quiz in town is at Karma Traders on Sunday night and
it’s just the opposite where I’m 40 years older than almost every-
one else. It’s a nicer spot and plenty of room, though being a
rooftop it can get windy and if it rains? A problem. For my taste
it runs on way too long. They have games which in the eyes of
an old fart are kinda silly between rounds and they spread
around shots for small victories. The young-uns were having a
good time, but I was antsy to move on when it took an hour
longer than it needed to.
Magic Sponge had a well organized quiz in a great venue with
solid attendance - as long as it wasn’t raining but the owner has
soured on it, probably because of the time and effort involved.
Now I and my long time quiz partner we’ve been doing it with
regularity for 4 or 5 years are quizless.
Euphoria is a new dance club on the other side of the river near
the old bridge. Nice spot, but too loud for my ears even with
regulation ear plugs in place. It wasn’t that screechy excess treble
that makes me want to scream or the uncomfortable rumbling
bass that makes me vibrate like a drum, but still, the intensity of
sound was too much, I could barely last a couple minutes. At
Banyan Tree at its regular Friday night party the sound is plenty
loud for any purpose, but I never quite feel the need for ear pro-
tection, though close sometimes. It seems counterintuitive for
someone hard of hearing to be extra sensitive to loud sounds, but
there it is.
One popular new bar is the Looking Glass, favored mostly with
the younger crowd. It’s mostly outdoors behind a storefront shop
named Matilde which sells T-shirts and tanks printed with origi-
nal art. The artwork is very cool and they’re almost all black. The
bar sits behind a mirrored door, which was mostly kept closed till
recently. It’s a problem for me going to a place hidden from view
if I don’t know anybody and can’t see what’s happening. It’s
good they keep it open now.
Chinese cities have large natural parks.
What would New York be without Central Park? The housing
market proves their value easily; much of the most expensive
residential land in the city is facing it’s big parks. Here in
Cambo even just having trees around can be a problem for the
authorities: when a group of students in a small town fainted
recently a local official blamed that on a large tree nearby that
was sucking up too much oxygen. Just cross the border in Ha
Tien in Vietnam and the attitude is totally different with ponds
in many places in the city.
One of the aspects of Sihanoukville I most enjoy is the amount
of natural space in the city. The growth of the city centered on
the construction of the port there in 1955. There was never a
city there. It was what’s now downtown and a collection of vil-
lages scattered around. Some of that space needs to be secured
for the future as park space.
Meanwhile back in Kampot, the plot of land on the river includ-
ing Bokor Mountain Lodge and three ad-
jacent storefronts is now on the market for
a cool $2.5 million. That can only mean
the person selling thinks the potential
buyer has wheelbarrows of moolah they
can toss around without caring the least
bit if their investment doesn’t pay for it-
self before reselling it. If you’ve got the
idle cash you pick it up and maybe it’ll be
worth $10 million in a few years. The
sky’s the limit, so to speak, and most
likely that’s what they’ve bought into: pie
in the sky. Which means there’s too much
money floating around in the hands of the
rich. Let them pay their fair share of taxes
and they might not have enough left to fuck over everybody else
by distorting markets.
Somebody said they had a Khmer friend who owns two
shophouses side by side on national highway 3 heading out of
town towards Sihanoukville and that they were offered $1 mil-
lion for them. I find that hard to believe but who knows? Maybe
rice paddy land outside of town will be worth $1000 per meter
soon. It’s all patently absurd, the very definition of a bubble apt
to burst at any moment… however, I’ve certainly been wrong
before, so don’t listen to me, better hurry up and bet your life
savings on a never ending expansion. Enough of that rant, lets
move on.
The one-year-old restoration job on the hotel up on Bokor
seems to be deteriorating: paint flaking, shutters ajar, puddles of
water in the corridors, water stains on the walls. The hotel is in
an especially tough spot for paint. Not only does the mountain
get 4.5 meters of rain a year, in contrast to Kampot which gets 2
meters, but that spot in particular gets a lot of fog and mist.
They probably needed to use marine paint. Anecdotally it seems
like it isn’t all that busy; room rates that start at $500 per night
probably doesn’t help. Almost everybody who’s been to the
casino says it’s dead, with more staff than customers the rule.
The guy that owns the concession, purportedly the richest per-
son in the country, probably doesn’t need the money and could
be using the place as a cash laundry.
Anyway, casinos in a national park? When the many really nice
trails through there are not signed or maintained? They think
ecotourism is a set of bungalows on a river and have no sense
that people who go to those kinds of places like to hike and
really get into the natural world.
Meanwhile with all the bubbles and development here and the
craziness of the world swirling around us, Kampot is still a ha-
ven from the madding crowd. The feeling I had when I first got
to town 11 years ago when there were all of 5 western owned
places and maybe 30 expats total living here, that of peace and
laidbackness, that feeling of relief when heading into town after
Woman Peeled Banana In A Suggestive Manner
A woman travelling on a train in northern England, was wit-
nessed peeling a banana in a suggestive, erotic and provocative
manner, claims a man, who might have got it wrong.
Heiki Bauer, 19, a German student studying at the University of
Hull, was a passenger on the 9:41am Transpennine Express ser-
vice to Manchester Piccadilly, when she suddenly became peck-
ish, and, from her backpack, produced a banana.
Sitting opposite her was Englishman, Moys Kenwood, 55, who
was on his way to Leeds to look for books in charity shops. He
noticed Fräulein Bauer nipping the end off her banana, and be-
came mesmerised. Said he:
"She slowly peeled back the skin, whilst looking straight at me.
At the same time, she did something with her tongue, like rolling
it around her mouth, as she might have done, had she been in-
dulging in fellatio. It was grade-A filth, and not the sort of thing
you'd expect on a train, thank you very much!"
But things went further downhill. Kenwood:
"She slobbered her lips over the top of the banana, then licked the
shaft. By this time, I had a zipbuster, and my bollox were
screaming. She moved her lips up and down the length of the
fruit several times, whilst keeping her eyes fixed on me from
under her fringe. This went on until I felt a sharp twinge in my
underpants. Then she grinned, and licked all around the top of it,
before biting it, and chewing it with a satisfied look on her face."
Then, she reported him to the guard, telling him that she hadn't
been staring at Kenwood at all, but at the safety poster on the
panel behind him, warning passengers about sex pests on trains.
Brexit deal close to being crimped off
After two and a half years of straining and pushing, Brexit is al-
most ready to splash down into the toilet bowl of political reality,
and flushed into the sewers of history like the steaming turd of an
idea that it is.
Brexit has marched through the lower intestine of UK politics
like an army of chicken vindaloo soldiers adopting a scorched
earth policy. It has created a stomach cramp of fiery debate, lit by
the angry curry of nationalism and the chilli of wilful ignorance.
It has torn the rectum of public opinion in two.
Theresa May has been ready for months to exercise the sphinc-
teral muscles of diplomacy to "crimp off" a length of Brexit.
However, it has taken a lot longer than expected to reach this
point, which may in future cause haemhorrhoids of political up-
heaval. Britain has already suffered explosive bursts of the diar-
rhoea of international embarrassment, as the hanging jobbie of
Brexit slides ever downwards.
Most Brits are simply looking forward to being able to wipe
away the whole stinking farce. However, the toilet paper of time
may not have enough left on the roll to fully remove the dangle-
berries of government incompetence and restore the anal hygiene
of dignity.
Bill Cosby Appeals To Warden For Soap-On-A-Rope
Bill Cosby, the comedian-turned-rapist, who is serving be-
tween three and ten years in prison for his offences, is not en-
joying his stay behind bars, it has been reported.
The former funnyman has tried very hard to conform to the
prison regime, but is finding it increasingly difficult, and has
been to see the Warden on numerous occasions.
One of the things that has been bothering Cosby is that he is no
longer able to shower, or sit down. This is because, on his very
first day in the jail, he dropped a bar of soap on the floor whilst
in the showers, and, as he stooped to retrieve it, a large, brutal
man bummed him.
The Warden listened sympathetically with his hand over his
cackling mouth, and told Cosby he would "look into it". Noth-
ing, however, has happened to resolve this situation, and, every
time Cosby is clumsy with his soap, a different inmate takes
advantage of his clumsiness. Queues have started to form at
Yesterday, Cosby hit upon a great idea as a solution to his
problem, and has now asked the Warden for a soap-on-a-rope.
The Warden last night said he would give it his fullest consid-
eration and that he would get back to Cosby in 3 to 10 years.
"Brexit Dividend" Souvenir Shops To Open in Channel
Secret plans have been seen showing how Brexit cheerleaders
are planning to make vast profits from Brexit while ordinary
British citizens will suffer the consequences.
An offshore company by the name of Brexshit Haha based in
the Bahamas has been revealed to be owned by Jacob Rees-
Smug, Nigel Fartage, Arron Wanks, Bozo Johnson and "Dr"
Liar Fox with a business plan to open its Brexit souvenir shops
on 1st April 2019, shortly after the UK leaves the EU. The
company denies it has purposely chosen All Fools' Day to
The Spoof's Business Editor, Paxton Quigley, tracked down
Brexit spiv Nigel Fartage to his luxury penthouse apartment in
Trump London Towers to discover the truth behind the story.
He was quite open in his response.
"Look, everybody knows the economy is going to tank after we
leave the EU and somebody has to make some money out of
this crap con trick of mine. The channel ports are going to be
chock-a-block with lorry drivers and tourists trying to get
through customs and immigration, so it's a perfect opportunity.
They will have hours, even days, for shopping in duty-free so
I've already taken on some Chinese illegal staff who don't mind
working 22 hour days. Why shouldn't I and the others make
some dosh out of it?
"It's just business for fuck's sake."
Most months things work pretty smoothly for the Pub Page. I go
out drinking and try to remember where I was. If I see anything
I think noteworthy, I try to remember to write something down,
but generally I forget or just can’t be bothered. At some point
each month, the Evil Publisher gives me the proverbial tap on
the shoulder and I run around for a day or three to get enough
material to write the Pub Page and submit it before any punish-
ments are imposed for missing dead-
l i n e . Un f o rt u n a t e l y , t h i s
month,disorganization and procrastina-
tion were not my friends and seem to
have enjoyed kicking my ass. Fortu-
nately, I was proactive with my mea
culpas and the Evil Publisher (I really
am going to have to think of a new
nickname given how many times he
has taken pity on poor overworked
investigative reporter this year) has
already approved another watered
down lame duck submission. YAY
all the pay – 20% of the work
Speaking of watered down, the reason I
am behind an eight ball this month is
that, like many, I have run away from
Phnom Penh for Water Festival. Unfor-
tunately, my inability to plan and or-
ganize prevented me from getting the
Page done before I left. Worse, since I
am under strict prohibition from report-
ing on Pattaya bars, I am a bit of a loss
on what to write about this month.
Some of my friends/drinking compan-
ions/people who generally tolerate my
presence when they are having a good
time have complained to me about
some of the millennial/hipster places
that have opened up around Phnom
Penh, particularly around Russian Market area. However, I may
have been to the grand poohbahof hipster douche bars and de-
spite the fact that it is in San Francisco and likely irrelevant to
anyone who might read this, since I have nothing else to write
about, I will give you all something to compare the local places
to so that you will view them in a kinder light. The place is
called Bourbon and Branch. It is an ex-speakeasy and actually
looks pretty cool inside very dark and old school. It is full of
secret rooms and passages and reportedly has five bars with one
of them being a modern private speakeasy. Sounds good so
far… But you need a secret password to get in which you can
get by making a reservation not that secret I guess. The front
doors are near some old fashioned fake storefronts and, once you
are in you get escorted to your bar. The place was so dark, I
used my phone to read the menu and was told that phones are
not allowed in the bar to keep the atmosphere deep sigh
this was a bad sign and I was given a candle to use instead.
The bartender came over and explained the menu to me seri-
ously what bar needs its menu explained it had a table of
contents and was broken into different sections and was the size
of a small novella. I skipped the foo foo drinks and went
straight to the whisky section the descriptions were so preten-
tious, I jumped over to vodkas. I don’t believe I have ever read
such prose on the differences between vodkas. The bartender
came over and started asking me about my preferences for vod-
kas… I know she was trying to be helpful, but you should never
have to get that much detail about vodkas it should taste like
vodka (unless the flavour is clearly printed on the bottle) – we don’t
need to invent pretentious descriptive words for polish potato water
- more deep sighs. Tried some local vodkas that I had never heard
of both were ok and tasted like Vodka. The bartender came over
a few more times to discuss the vodkas with me… maybe this is
what people do when they can’t look
at their phones. After a couple of
shots of polish power, I asked for the
bill USD 12 a shot!!! I wasn’t
allowed out the way I entered and
was shown a back door into an alley
with a different fake store front (at
least they should have shown me a
secret passage). Seriously the pre-
tentiousness of this place made every
hipster place in Phnom Penh look
like the Walkabout…
Ok I think I have stalled and dropped
as much filler as I can get away with.
I guess I could just say Skirts a cou-
ple of hundred times and see if that
passes muster.
I dropped by Lone Star for some
liquid refreshment just before I was
run out of town; which was quite
unusual as I usually just drop by
there to eat. Turns out they have a
USD 2 a drink special every day that
includes mixer quite a reasonable
deal I thought. Here are the daily
specials so that you can plan your
week accordingly: Monday is
Gordon’s gin, Tuesday is Jim Bean,
Wednesday is Jameson, Thursday is
St. Edwards Scotch, Friday is Jäger-
meister or Tequila, Saturday is Bacardi and Sunday is Stoli.
GSM update still having a big sale and still almost empty. I am
starting to feel bad for any tenants who are in the main area and
paying full ticket rents. I still think the north end looks quite nice
so am hoping they can figure out how to get decent places to move
in and generate some walk through traffic, but it does not look good
so far. On the south end, Pontoon has been pretty mixed when I
drop by recently some nights are packed and some fairly dead
but for full disclosure, I have been leaving pretty early (usually
between 1 and 2) and have been informed that it has been picking
up once people know that I am gone.
Still have new hostess bars opening up to my amazement. It
should be busy season by the time I write the next page so hope-
fully there will some more life in them. Right now, the only places
that I see are regularly busy are a few of the bars on the second
block of 136 St. and a few on the east end of 130 St., but next
month will do a bit of a tour with my note pad. With luck, I will
get to bring Shrek along most of the hostess bar staff fixate on
him which allows me to stand back and do my research.
Since this will be the last Pub Page published this year merry
holidays and happy new years to any and sundry who may read this
and, why not book a Xmas dinner on the 25th at The Pub on Street
174 for the seventh annual Aogaah fund raiser featuring Cambo-
dia’s worst Santa.
would be the reply
from most people.
They affect the lives
of everyone. Espe-
cially the poor.
It is rumoured
amongst locals that
the government has
restricted the import
of veggies across the
Vietnam border.
This has driven some
vegetable prices to
more than double in
the last few weeks.
Whilst we can some-
what understand the
policy to encourage
local growers and
Volume 05 Issue 10 Thursday December 1 2018 0000 Riel
With the Saudis admitting
they killed the journalist in
a botched attempt to
“persuade” him to return to
the kingdom.
It beggars the question:
Why did it take flying 15
Saudi secret service agents
in including a forensic pa-
thologist with a bone saw?
Surely embassy staff could
have tried to persuade him.
Saudis say Their assailants
gave his body gave it to a
“local collaborator” for
disposal, but don’t know his
The Dreary went through
the Yellow Pages for Tur-
key but could find no
“Body disposal businesses
or corpse removal services”
They obviously rang a mate
asking if he knew anyone
with a herd of pigs or 50
liters of hydrochloric acid
and luckily he did. Luckily
they had already dismem-
bered the body to make
transport easier.
Pull the other one you
bunch of lying Cont p 17
make it more profit-
able for them.
The implementation
seems clumsy and ill
thought out as local
suppliers cannot meet
demand, thus driving
prices up.
This affects the poor
most and gossip in the
markets is that locals
are far from happy
about the situation.
As with most cases
there will probably be
a partial withdrawl of
the measures in the
near future (tea
money). Cont p 17
big bet
Sam Rainsy bet the
Prime Minister that
Kem Sokha would be
released from prison
before March 3rd.
“If Mr Hun Sen loses
the bet with me … I
am asking him to step
down, but if I lose, I
will walk into jail and
be detained with Kem
The Prime Minister
accepted the bet stat-
ing that ‘Rainsy him-
About Cambodia
Report: Government to
open meridian
crashing centre to
alleviate crashes on
Page 17
People suggest buying
a working watch for
the fireworks light-
ing idiot Page 17
Banned tents on roads
still popping up in
the Penh Page 17
Chinese vigilante
groups battle each
other on a Snooky
beach . Page 17
This is a work of fiction and satire any semblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental
Do Vegetables rule in Cambodia?
The Chinese were winning the competition for most attempts to wipe out meridian barriers
but are now facing stiff competition. Local law enforcement got involved the other week as
pictured. The cop involved removed the licence plates and disappeared. Obviously nobody
could identify the vehicle.
Meanwhile in the provinces a new Lexus smashed into a meridian strip. The driver said he
couldn't see where he was going as his view was blocked by all the flowers piled on the bonnet.
He was driving a newly wedded couple to their wedding reception at the time! Which beggars
the question. If he couldn’t see why was he driving at all.
Then to top it all: 11.10 pm on 24 November 2018 along 70 Street, Daun Penh, Phnom Penh.
Deputy Chief of PP traffic police, piled into the road dividers. Judging by the pictures it was
more of a glancing blow rather than a full head on. So the judges can only give it a 4 out of 10
leaving the kamakazi Chinese in the Hummer last month still leading on style points!
self has fallen into the
Political analysts called on
both politicians to respect
the court system.
Sorry, we just fell off our
chairs laughing.
Observers including us
predict nothing much is
going to happen. Espe-
cially before March 3rd.
Probability is Rainsy
won’t return to face the
music as the Pm will
probably Cont page 17
Most definitely,
now being strung at the Mexican border to keep out the strug-
gling masses from Central America.
Another is aiding the Saudis in bombing and starving Yemen
who have made the mistake of being allied with Iran.
Yet another, is ripping up a perfectly good agreement with Iran
from the previous administration that was efficient, honored,
and workable economically.
Mr. Trump:
“This country is so much stronger now than when I took office,
and you wouldn’t believe it . . .”
A guest at Mar-a-Lago where Mr. Trump was celebrating himself,
mentioned Mr. Trump moved on from here to discuss other mat-
In the 2016 campaign he bragged he could shoot somebody and
get away with it, because he is so popular and renowned.
Also his ability to grab the female parts and get away with it due to
his fame, has females in a swoon of gratefulness.
Mar-a-Lago perpetually sees a long queue of women lined up at
the front gate--pelvis thrust forward hoping Mr. Trump will
emerge and do a grab.
Also, Mr. Trump has clarified what happened in the Khashoggi
matter involving the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.
The essential root and bone matter explaining this unfortunate
Vaping Soon To Be A Thing Of The Past
Vaping - the practice of 'electronic smoking' - is shortly to be a
'thing of the past', according to researchers at a company in Dub-
Electronic vapers are viewed by many people as disgusting de-
vices through which 'flavored vapor' is sucked into the mouth, and
then lungs, before being exhaled into the environment, where it
can't possibly be doing anybody any good at all.
But developers at the Irish company have come up with an alterna-
tive to the socially-unacceptable 'vaping sticks'.
The new devices are made with authentic tobacco leaves, and
wrapped in 100% biodegradable paper. The product is inserted
between the lips, and then ignited using either a match, or a
'lighter', another device designed expressly for the purpose. The bi-
product drifts harmlessly into the air, then
the atmosphere, and disappears without
The exciting new products, currently with-
out a name, are already at the late-
developmental stage, and may be in shops
as early as next year.
Trump gives thanks to himself plus ex-
plains MBS as victim of vicious world
As the race to the 2020 election begins,
Mr. Trump finds himself high in the saddle
of world politics, and his own opinion of
Yesterday at Thanksgiving in America,
Mr. Trump indicated his gratitude to him-
self for his personal glory.
“Let’s face it, folks, finally you have a
magnificent leaderthat is myself. Abso-
lutely the best, the number one, I’m sure
you agree, as we consider the roll call of
past presidents.”
A testimony to Mr. Trump’s assessment
here is the magnificent concertina wire
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the mouth. Send us your product and we’ll write
something REALLY good about it. Nothing is too big,
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Istanbul on 2 October, he added. Mr Khashoggi's body was then
dismembered inside the consulate after his death using a bone saw
which just happened to have been brought to Istanbul in a diplo-
mat's suitcase.
The body parts were then handed over to a local "collaborator" for
Mr Shalaan did not identify any of those charged with the murder
but he said investigations had "revealed that the person who or-
dered the killing was the head of the negotiations team" sent to
Istanbul by deputy intelligence chief Gen Ahmed al-Assiri. He had
failed to ask nicely for Mr Khashoggi to return to Saudi Arabia
from his self-imposed exile in the United States.
"The crown prince did not have any knowledge about it," he in-
sisted "please say you believe me".
Prince Mohammed, the son of King Salman and Saudi Arabia's de
facto ruler, has denied any role in what he has called a "heinous
crime that cannot be justified".
Critics believe it is highly unlikely he would not have been aware
of the operation. Western governments with the exception of US
"President" Donald Trump have issued a joint statement saying
"pull the other one, lying bastard".
Defender of the free press, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Er-
dogan has said "the order to kill Khashoggi came from the highest
levels of the Saudi government and you know who I mean" but
that he does not believe King Salman gave it.
Christmas Doctor Who will see team face challenge of return-
ing Jacob Rees-Mogg to his own time
Leaked footage has shown that
the Christmas episode of Doc-
tor Who will see the team face
the challenge of returning
Jacob Rees-Mogg to his own
The time travelling Gallifrean
and her companions will face
one of their sternest tests, as
attempts are made to discover
how Rees-Mogg has found
himself in modern Britain, but
more importantly which evil
force wants to keep him there.
Showrunner Chris Chibnall
said, “I’ll be honest, we went
backwards and forwards quite
a bit on the plot, because hav-
ing Jacob Rees-Mogg placed
in parliament by a malevolent
time-travelling alien seemed a
bit obvious. We didn’t want
our viewers watching and going ‘Well duh!’.
“But I think we’ve come up with something that will surprise and
delight even the most ardent Whovian.”
However, fans of the show have been left underwhelmed by the
leak, with one telling us, “Oh, the Doctor will do battle with an
anachronistic trouble-maker? Well, they’ve never done that be-
fore, have they.
“Let me guess; the Doctor gets Rees-Mogg back to his original
home in 1830’s London just in time to avoid the disaster of
Brexit? You Remoaners are all so bloody predictable.”
However, other fans were interested to see where the Tardis might
take them, with one telling us, “Well, it’s a bit formulaic, but if
they can put Jacob Rees-Mogg back in his own time maybe it will
turn out he was actually the inspiration for a young Charles Dick-
ens to create Oliver Twist’s Mr Bumble?
“Or maybe he’ll be fired into the vacuum of space until his blood
boils? I’d be happy with either.”
man’s case is “because the world is a vicious place.”
The vicious world entirely influenced the Prince as he fell into a
daze from all the evil and nastiness around him.
He picked up his bone saw and sent a team of 15 men to Turkey
without realizing what he was doing.
This vicious world is the same one Mr. Trump is consistently im-
proving, according to his honored self-appraisal.
A secretary at Mar-a-Lago indicated no sooner had the Prince
heard Mr. Trump’s reasoning on this matter he sent an instant re-
“Thank you for understanding what is really responsible when I
gave the order to eliminate Khashoggi."
"I was so hurt and saddened by doing thisbelieve me.”
“You are the only one who understands.”
Guy Fawkes On New £50 Note, Discussed In Parliament
The decision by the government to overturn its earlier decision to
dispense with the £50 note, has aroused the interest of a group of
people who, given the opportunity, might cheerfully overthrow the
The Guy Fawkes Society, a group that keeps alive the spirit of the
man who, in November 1605, tried to blow up the House of Lords,
has said that it can think of no-one more deserving "in all the four
corners of the Kingdom" than its hero, the aforementioned,
Fawkes to have his portrait on the new note.
But the topic provided an explosive flashpoint when it was raised
at Prime Minister's Question Time yesterday. It was like a detona-
tor setting off a bomb, and a violent debate was triggered.
The whole chamber erupted at
the mere mention of Fawkes'
name, with a cacaphony of
screams and shouting as the
blazing row raged this way and
that, completely out of control,
and engulfing all present.
Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn,
usually a picture of calmness,
was on fire.
But Pime Minister, Theresa
May, who had resisted the
flaming war that had gone on
for hours, finally blew up and
burst forth, saying:
"My government and the Brit-
ish people do not want the face
of this man on their money.
Despite the fact that this is the
£50 note, and most of the lower
classes will never see one, I
think it wholly inappropriate
that we draw attention to someone who was basically a terrorist."
At that point in the proceedings, there was a loud explosion.
Terrified Saudi Prosecutor says Jamal Khashoggi Murder
"Was Ordered by Agent, Not Crown Prince After
In what he claimed is "definitely not a whitewash" Saudi Arabia's
public prosecutor has concluded that an intelligence officer or-
dered Jamal Khashoggi's murder, not Crown Prince Mohammed
bin Salman despite all the evidence to the contrary in his posses-
At a news conference in Riyadh on Thursday, ashen faced and
trembling Deputy Public Prosecutor Shalaan bin Rajih Shalaan
said the officer was tasked with persuading the dissident journalist
to return to the Gulf kingdom. The agent was supposed to have a
friendly chat and a quiet cup of tea with Mr Khashoggi and tell
him how much the Crown Prince liked him that he forgave Mr
Khashoggi for his criticisms.
Unfortunately the friendly chat resulted in Mr Khashoggi being
given a lethal injection after a struggle in the Saudi consulate in
$139. But at $200, Windows 10 Pro offers some advantages, too.
We previously identified five features that would make you want
to switch from Windows 10 Home to Windows 10 Pro, but in
this case we’d add a sixth: the ability to more finely manage
Windows updates.
Windows 10 Pro allows you to defer updates for days and days.
If you’re a Windows 10 Home user, you may as well accept your
fate: Windows 10 updatesboth periodic security updates, as
well as the semi-annual feature updateswill arrive on your PC
almost as soon as they’re released. Don’t worry, though, as Win-
dows Home and Pro users alike have some defenses against an
unexpected Windows 10 update: Active Hours, Restart remind-
ers, and Metered updates.
To access them, first navigate to the Windows 10 Settings menu,
then to Home > Update & Security > Windows Update > Ad-
vanced options.
Active Hours can be a Windows 10 Home user’s most potent
weapon against unexpected Windows 10 updates. (This setting is
found in Home > Update & Security > Windows Update >
Change active hours.) It’s here that you can tell Windows when
you’re actively using your PC, and when it shouldn’t update
Windows. The default is business hours: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., though
you can set a window for up to 18 hours later than the start time.
Active Hours shouldn’t allow the update to occur during that
period. Be careful, though, as the update could still kick off at,
say, 4 a.m., when Active Hours is disabled and you’re not at your
Even if that happens, though, you should receive a reminder
How to manage Windows 10 updates
to prevent them from ruining your life
Buying or upgrading to Windows 10 Pro allows you more
options to manage Windows 10 updates on your terms.
How can I stop Windows 10 updates? Whether it’s preventing
Windows 10 from kicking off a critical update during a presenta-
tion, or deferring Microsoft’s Windows 10 feature update be-
cause of worries about data loss, it’s a question we’ve all asked.
You shouldn’t block all Windows 10 updates. But you can man-
age them.
Windows 10 feature updates and security updates provide a valu-
able service: they not only patch Windows, its apps and compo-
nents, but provide new features and capabilities twice a year.
Windows Update can also automatically provide updated drivers
for hardware connected to your PC, such as a USB-attached
As we write this, however, Microsoft is wrestling with the fallout
from the Windows 10 October 2018 Update, which apparently
deleted user data in an undisclosed number of cases and was put
on hold, then resumed. Would you want to buy a car if it had
even a 0.001 percent chance of exploding? Probably notwhich
is why it’s good to know how to manage Windows 10 updates,
now and in the future.
Three tools to manage updates with Windows 10 Home
When you’re building a PC you have two choices of Microsoft's
Windows 10 operating system: Windows 10 Home and Windows
10 Pro. Windows 10 Home can be the cheaper alternative, at
Roast Turkey,
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All proceeds go to AOGAHH
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“We accept anybody’s ravings—we often print them!”
announced “ship date” of a feature update. PCs on the vanilla
“Semi-Annual Channel” will receive the update later, after corpo-
rate IT departments have provided feedback and Microsoft has
issued an update patch to fix any issues. There’s no fixed date for
when you’ll finally receive the feature update under the Semi-
Annual Channel. However, this is the most conservative setting if
you’re still granting Microsoft the freedom to roll out a feature
update when it chooses.
You can tack on extra time if you want. Near the bottom you’ll
see options to defer feature updates and quality updates. In fact,
Microsoft’s less concerned about when you receive a feature up-
date, because you can defer it for a full 365 days. Security or
“quality” updates are more essential, and your window is even
smaller: 30 days. If you’re concerned about a bad patch, how-
everand they do occasionally happenthe update deferrals
should protect you.
The final option is what you might call a vacation hold for
patches: Pause updates. There’s no mystery here; if you’re travel-
ing abroad or just don’t want to be bothered with unexpected
patches on a business trip or vacation, you can simply block them
for up to 35 days. And you can do it again and again. The catch,
though, is that you’ll need to download and update Windows
before you re-enable the Pause updates feature.
The caveat in all of these, obviously, is that Windows 10 is an
evolving platform, and Microsoft occasionally adds, subtracts, or
adjusts the behavior of various features. Microsoft was supposed
to have included a smart updater AI feature within the Windows
10 October Update to help mitigate unexpected Windows up-
dates, but it appears to have been pulled.
The bottom line is this: Windows updates are beneficial to you
and your PC. But how Microsoft manages them could use some
improvement. You can use these tips to meet in the middle.
via Windows’ restart reminders, the checkbox that lets you know
that “We’ll show a reminder when we’re going to restart.” Even
if all else fails, checking this box should pop up a notification
that Windows will eventually restart and install and update, giv-
ing you some time to save and exit your work. I’ve personally
had Windows alert me that an update was on its way when I was
at the PC and working with Active Hours enabled. Windows did-
n’t update during Active Hours, but I was able to remind myself
to save everything before I left for the night. (Setting a reminder
via Cortana might help.)
It’s not perfect: If you’re at lunch, for example, the notification
may pop up and then have disappeared by the time you’ve re-
turned. But there should at least be a reminder in your Notifica-
tions that an update is in on its way.
Preventing Windows updates from downloading over metered
connections can be a sneaky way of possibly preventing an un-
wanted Windows update. Windows now recognizes that some
users may have metered data connections, with strict limits on
how much data they can download per month. Microsoft politely
allows you to defer an unexpected update via a metered connec-
tion, so you don’t pay an extra fee.
Windows is unaware whether a connection is metered, however.
(And yes, you can lie.) Designate your broadband connection as a
metered connection by going into Settings > Network & Internet,
then Change connection properties. It’s here that you’ll see a
toggle to Set as metered connection. You can then go back into
the Windows Update settings and toggle Automatically
download updates, even over metered data connections... to Off.
Unfortunately, the default behavior when your PC is connected to
ethernet is to think that your PC is on an un-metered connection.
And when you’re connected to Wi-Fi, Windows will still proba-
bly download “priority” updates, so this can’t really be consid-
ered a foolproof solution. And if you have multiple Wi-Fi con-
nections available, you’ll have to set all of them as metered, too,
which is a pain.
All in all, a more convenient option is Windows 10 Pro.
Windows 10 Pro allows you to defer updates
All of the settings and options above are available within Win-
dows 10 Pro, but there are some additional options that actually
allow you to choose when updates can be installed. If you own a
Windows 10 Home PC, you can upgrade from Windows 10
Home to Windows 10 Pro from within the Windows Store app
for $99, or you can use this Microsoft Store link from a Windows
10 Home machine.
(There’s one catch: if you’re working on an Enterprise or Educa-
tion edition of Windows, some of these options might not be
available to you, as your PC may be centrally managed by an IT
department or other administrator who has set a particular policy
for your PC. If you manage the PC, though, check out our earlier
story for how to turn off Windows 10 automatic updates.)
In fact, the Windows 10 Settings menu which includes Home >
Update & Security > Windows Update > Advanced options will
include many more options with Windows 10 Pro, including the
ability to pause updates, choose when updates are installed, and
the actual deferral of both feature and security updates.
One of the behaviors we've seen on a Pro machine is when an
update reminder lands on your machine: Microsoft allows you
not only to delay your update, but also to specify exactly when.
You can schedule the update for anytime within a week.
One of the more confusing options is Choose when updates are
installed. Here, you have two options: Semi-Annual Channel
(Targeted), and just a vanilla Semi-Annual Channel option.
These refer to the semi-annual dates when corporations typically
receive the feature updates, such as the October 2018 Update for
Windows 10.
In general, the targeted option means that you’ll receive a feature
update on or about the same day as the general public, i.e., the
Well as the year draws to a close the rains are becoming
rarer and the mud is quickly being replaced by dust that is
everywhere. It would be interesting to have the air quality
in Sinoukville tested; along with the sea water quality, one
may just find that Cambodia’s cleanest city, is actually one
of the most polluted.
There is still little point in testing the tap water, as it rarely
comes through peoples taps, the electricity blackouts are
reminiscent of the town a decade ago.
There was a large fire outside the central market at the
start of the month when petrol ran down the streets and
ignited, it may well have run down the drains but they
were too clogged with trash. Several cars caught fire and it
took the Competent Authorities quite a while to extinguish
the blazes. Luckily the market did not burn down like it
did a decade ago.
On the plus side, we are seeing some work on the roads,
there has been some decent concrete pads poured and
when the tarmac is being replaced it is being replaced with
a decent thickness, not just a spray of tar over stone chips
which is the norm.
It remains to be seen if they will fix up the road going past
the Missing Monkey which appears to be in the new Chi-
nese red light area. Mind you, many locals complained
that the red light area had moved to Ochheateal Beach,
when some scantily clad girls were spotted and filmed do-
ing sexy dances much to the delight of the inebriated Sino
overlords who were drinking on their beach.
The new highway between Sinoukville and Phnom Penh
has been announced. This is to be constructed by the Chi-
nese (surprise, surprise) and will not be a mere widening
of the current route 4 but will
blaze a new route through nicely
denuded former forests. But they
may have to upgrade part of route
4, at least from just north of Veal
Renh as a new Special Economic
Zone has been announced. This is
to be built by the Chinese as well
(yet another surprise). However
traffic from this area to the port
may take the back road via Ste-
Driving continues to be a chal-
lenge and a few of the overlords
have been on rampages in their
cars, either that or they just do
not know how to drive. It could
be drug related as quite a few
have been the subject of drug
busts by the police. Meanwhile
there is the continual threat of
gang violence by the overlords.
The first real Sino on Barang
gang fight occurred between
some Russians and the Chinese, surprisingly (not) it was a
fight over a woman. On an aside we have noticed that the
majority of the Sino Overlords living in Sinoukville are
male, maybe it is the result of the one child policy in
On now to Kampot where the majority of the Sinoukville-
Barang refugees have fled, leading, according to quite a
few longer term BarangKampotian residents, to a lowering
of the overall class and quality of Barangs and an increase
in the number of mentally afflicted westerns around. Such
is progress they say. There has been a noticeable increase
in deaths of tourists in Kampot as tourists seem to also be
visiting Kampot rather than Sihanoukville and doing drugs
to death there just like they did in Sihanoukville in the
There are quite a few businesses up for sale in Kampot at
some pretty high prices. One Aussie is selling up to go
Walkabout and is asking over 3 times what he paid for the
business not so long ago. Another Aussie run business
recently closed. It was offered for sale at a large price, a
reasonable offer was refused, and as is usual the owners
ran out of money, stripped the place and took off appar-
ently owing quite a few people around town. The landlord
is asking a higher rent and key money for the premises is
anyone else wants to try their hand at an under-capitalised
same-same as everyone else, business. There has been sev-
eral articles in the press about the forthcoming Chinese
invasion of Kampot, particularly with the port redevelop-
ment that is taking place. Whether Kampot gets taken over
as quickly as Sihanoukville once the invasion starts or
holds out like the Alamo (only to eventually surrender)
remains to be seen, but hopefully the invaders will fix up
the roads in and out of town, like
they are doing post invasion con-
quest in Sinoukville.
Chinese Patrol SHK After
“Random” Attacks
Chinese media are reporting “many
cases” in which Chinese people were
suffering unprovoked attacks * in
The Chinese Embassy has reminded
Chinese citizens in Cambodia try to
minimize unnecessary travel in the
middle of the night in the city.
From 1 am to 3 am on November
15th, some Chinese (protection/
vigilantes) have begun patrolling
near the Golden Lion Square to pre-
vent their compatriots from being
attacked because of these fears.
22/11/18 Chinese Man Seriously In-
jured After Being Stabbed In The
Neck By Two Thugs Driving By On
Motorbike in Sihanoukville.